All that kink at 15.

I revisited my old blog – a blog I made as a 15-year-old late November of ’05.

It was awkward to visit myself again. I was at a point where I just couldn’t wait to grow up having been departed from two previous blogs I made when I was 11 and 13. I figured, the only way for me to appear grown up was to talk about all things sexual. Hence words such as ‘kinky’, ‘porn’, ‘horny’, ‘XXX’, ‘fucking’, and ‘sexy’ were used and reused without a second thought.

December 15, 2005 – 15 years old

“my sister went for carol practise. i was suppose to go as well, but too lazy. so here i am. alone and feeling extremely kinky as usual. too bad my johnny bravo is busy rite now.” 


I guess I find my teenage self somewhat interesting. Cringe-worthy, yes, but interesting nonetheless. It was a process of me growing up; a way for me to escape my real life insecurities by masking it with a really tough and sarcastic persona, albeit sexual.

December 24, 2008 – 18 years old

Blog title: “Sofia Legend Inspires Me” (in bold and big glaring words)

Oh shoot me now. Reading this, as a 24 year-old feminist now, makes me want to build a time machine, go back to 2008 and slap myself in the face and give myself a long ass lecture on how you’re not suppose to look at soft core pornstars as role models. I suppose, ‘INSPIRE’ is a strong word to use. My definition of inspiration today are women like Aung Saan Su Kyi, Lupita Nyong’o or Kimora Lee Simmons.

‘Fascination’ would be the correct word for my interest in S. L. as I thought it was interesting of her to showcase another side of her and how I secretly wanted to do that too, but obviously, I couldn’t because that would just be toooo insane for me. But yeah. Fascination is the word.

By the way…

Kimora Lee Simmons and I in 2011. I won a slogan competition to meet her when she came down to KL!

Kimora Lee Simmons and I in 2011. I won a slogan competition to meet her when she came down to KL!

Yeah, that happened and please, ignore the over the top eye make-up. It was my first real event with celebrity sightings!

But young me was not too bad. Ages 19 and above, I was quite, well, insightful. ‘i’s were proper ‘I’s, ‘rite’ was spelled as ‘right’, and I became more, how should I say, reflective.

February 21, 2010 – 20 years old

“…Anyway, I wonder if people were the person they portray on their blog. I read blogs, good blogs. Those intellectual blogs that only twisted, mindless freaks like myself would read as a way to fill up the void in my uncertain and occasionally fucked up brain. I wonder if these people, these geniuses as I like to oddly proclaim them (although, they should be gods), are the type of people who observes and dissects people in real life just like how they would in the cyber world. I bet they do, or else, where would they find their inspiration?”

Not too bad. *pats self*

Nowadays, I’m rather boring, I think. I spend less time exploring other blogs (blogs that I find inspirational in the past) and more time just being a university student. Boring, I know. I care less about how I write and more about what I write, which is sad since I know I can play around with words better than how I’m writing now (as in, this post right now). I just need to tap into my philosophical self to bring out sexy glasses-on, smoking hot, librarian/secretary me. Haha! Mmmmmm.

Jokes aside, I do get extremely jealous seeing how other people could flawlessly write beautifully without worrying about not being inspired by other people. In the case of me, I NEED to be inspired by other people’s writing to be able to tap into my ‘philosophical self’, if there is one. I’d like to think that there is! I guess that’s what makes some of my stuff special, I just wish that that specialness comes ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I’m rambling now.

(P.S.: If you’re interested to visit my old blog, you can’t unfortunately. I have decided, long before I started THIS BLOG SPARKLES, to lock that part of my life now and set it on private for my own guilty pleasure to revisit now and then. I’m sure you’d be interested to dig out juicy details of me in the past, but trust me, like I said, I’m a bore. *wink*)

In the pursuit of cool.

Click image for larger view.

These are genuine friends whom I genuinely have fun with.

I feel the need to clarify that to myself sometimes, especially whenever I see these pictures of me having fun with these bunch of amazing people because 17-year old me would never have believed that I would achieve this level of coolness. That in order for me to be in this situation, I would have to force myself to be with people I barely know, who spend a bit too much of their parents’ money on fun and who you need to suck up to so that they would accept you (or seemingly accept you) to be in their clique.

I went through that phase before. I guess at one point, we all did, especially the many of us who try to fit in to the more ‘cool’ crowd so that we won’t feel left out.

I suppose if there’s one thing I could tell my past self is that I shouldn’t feel pressured to be cool. There was a point in my life where I was contemplating on being with people I barely know and who do not appreciate me enough to call me their friend, who were not there when I needed them and who made me feel like shit about myself.

My past self should know that there is no shame in telling friends that you are broke even if you know that they are never broke because they are just a bit more lucky than you financially. Nobody, not even the most beautiful and richest person around, should not make you feel any less of yourself because we are all fortunate in our own little way; me with my sassy, diva-esque personality; them with their RM10k worth of car and yearly trips to Paris, England or somewhere exotic like Sicily. (Not referring to anyone here by the way)

So here’s a secret. While you are in the pursuit of being cool, never forget to appreciate the cool that you already have within you, which is yourself. Because once you realize how cool you are and stop chasing the stereotypical definition of cool, only then would you create your own pool of cool with genuine friends who are equally as cool if not more. Together, you and them will be cool. It just takes time and patience is all.

Always acknowledge the green grass on your side too and start planting flowers while you’re at it. 

It’s never easy to appreciate what you have now, heck, I’m still struggling, but looking back at all these pictures made me realize that my life isn’t THAT bad, so yeah. That’s pretty cool :)

 

Social network etiquette: Detox your friend list today

I don’t think anyone would have imagined a world where you could gather all your friends in one place and still be friends and keep in touch with each other despite not actually speaking to them, let alone know them personally. Social networking sites are pretty helpful in that way, but obviously, we have seen problems along the lines.

One problem for me personally is the amount of friends I have on my list who I either do not know, who post depressing/useless status updates or people who are not worth keeping in touch with.

I think if there’s one bad thing social networking sites force us to become is a HOARDER. There, I said it! Most of us (not all, but most) hoard (‘keep’) friends for one of those ‘just in case we need them in the future’ reasons. I mean, it’s alright if you don’t mind keeping them in your list, but it becomes a problem when they give you problems, you know. Like when they constantly post depressing statuses that depresses you too, or people who just so fake – it’s so annoying.

If you genuinely want to keep friends for networking purposes and being genuinely interested in keeping in touch with them, then that’s cool. But when doing that meant that you have to face CONSTANT negative vibes from this person (whether pointed directly/indirectly at you or not at all, but towards the general friends in his/her list), then it’s time to delete them, for your own good.

You don’t need all these drama as you have your own issues to deal with you, you know? But in saying that, you do need to know some of the general result to deleting people off your Facebook, i.e., they will get upset at you which I personally feel that they should stop doing that, especially when you and them are not CLOSE friends anyways, you know?

But anyway, I’ve compiled these list based on my own personal experience.

  People who you should delete off Facebook

  1. You don’t know them.
  2. You  used to know them but now we don’t. Both him/her and you have grown and are complete strangers now.
  3. You don’t want to have anything to do with them.
  4. You find them annoying, fake, incredibly negative and/or condescending to other people (you should always ALWAYS have positive people surrounding you)
  5. People who post depressing statuses all the time. Sure, you have the right to exercise your right as a Facebook account owner by expressing yourself in whatever manner, but that’s what Twitter are for, post depressing shit there.
  6. You want my list to be only of close friends and family.
  7. Too much drama on Facebook.
  8. These ‘friends’/ family are spies who are obsessed with finding all the wrong things (to them anyway) that you do with your life and need a reason to ‘complain’ about you.
  9. You added them in the past because you thought they are/were cute (superficial, yes, I know), but you’re not interested in having them in your list now.
  10. Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-classmates etc that are not worth keeping in touch with.
  11. Acquaintances or people you met off the internet (I would usually put my profile on strict privacy setting for these bunch)
  12. Friends who have changed and are terrorizing my life (real story; happened to me)
  13. Friends who think that they have the right to bring you to the ‘right path’ just because they are more religious than you and felt entitled to ‘teach’ you by dissing your lifestyle and values.
  14. You were forced to be Facebook-friends with them because your parents, friends – whoever – told (forced) you to do it.
  15. People (you barely know) shamelessly told you to add them on Facebook.
  16. They are not active on Facebook and you find no reason to keep them on your list – can this be a reason? I rather keep in touch with them via Whatsapp or whatever if they’re not into social networking sites.
  17. You want to keep them on your list, and Facebook is not suitable. Perhaps, other social networking platforms? – Skype, Twitter, Tumblr, email, Whatsapp?
  18. People who constantly post/share pictures/articles of dead people/animals/generally disgusting things for the fun of it. WHY?
  19. Frenemies – someone whom you are friends with dislikes, but secretly is Facebook friends with them to constantly find out what they’re up to and how you can top them off with your own success.

 

  People who you should keep on Facebook

  1. Friends and family whom you don’t mind snooping around your private life – they are understanding and cool with your life and your believes, so that’s awesome.
  2. Positive people! POSITIVE! None of those constant depressing, self obnoxious, condescending status updates on your dashboard. Pure bliss!
  3. People who post uplifting, humorous, and/or intellectually-stimulating status updates are awesome – or people who don’t post anything at all, doesn’t matter, as long as it’s nothing negative or depressing.
  4.  Your idols; people who inspire you- also whom you may or may not know but accepted your friend request anyway which is cool of them.
  5. People who do not belong in the list above.

Comforting things that you can tell yourself when someone deletes you off their Facebook – what I tell myself, Lol.

  1. It’s their right to do so, so whatever. I don’t care. I do it myself too – deleting people and stuff.
  2. I may belong in the list of ‘People I delete’. You can’t please everyone, unfortunately.
  3. I would rather have someone delete me if they feel that I do not ‘contribute’ as a friend. It makes both our lives easy and deleting/blocking me off Facebook would not ruin my friendship with you, so don’t feel bad about deleting me because I would still treat you as a friend and I respect your decision to ‘cleanse’ your online presence.
  4. Fuck you too! LOL. Kidding. Let’s be real life friends now.

LOL. Okay, bye!

(P.S.: An article worth reading perhaps? ‘The Top Five Types of People We All Unfriend On Facebook‘)

Favourite pre-teen show ever: Caitlin’s Way

This is pretty random (and pointless, but who cares, I love it nonetheless), but I scrolled down Twitter just now and saw a friend retweeting something from a girl named Caitlin and I straight away had a blast from the past moment with one of my favourite TV series; Caitlin’s Way.

It’s so crazy as to just how much of a fan girl Iwas towards the show. That show is just so, you know, me. (says any Y2K pre-teen girls pretending to be teens). But seriously though, I was such a HUGE fan! It’s insane!

caitlins-way

I also had major girl crush on Lindsay Felton too; the actress who played Caitlin. I Googled an image for her and this (look below) popped up! Oh the memories! I remember this picture! LOL.

Caitlins_Way_Lindsay_Felton_5

I Googled on new projects by her but her Twitter and Instagram popped up instead which is pretty cool. It’s nice to know that your favourite childhood idol is up and well today. I’m genuinely happy for her and she seemed like a cool person to get to know, but obviously, being friends with a fan half way across the world would be too weird. I don’t know. LOL.

Anyway, sorry if this post isn’t thought-worthy. I have many posts in my draft box which I have yet to complete (blaming school!!!!). Have a nice week ahead!

Jasmine x

The things that I can and cannot do.

Before I go to the things I cannot do, let’s talk about the things that I can do and would often do.

Cussing

I cuss like a choo choo train. It’s normal for me to go out and scream, “FUCK!” or “SHIT!” or “FUCKER!” or you know, whatever. I try to minimize cussing in public these days though. I find that many people (surprise surprise) find it insulting and I am not someone who thinks that cussing is cool but rather an expression of well, my expression and if someone can’t handle it which is completely understandable, then I will respect that.

As much as I would like to go around, “FUCK WHAT THEY THINK!”, I can’t as that would be incredibly insensitive and irresponsible of me.

Talk about sex and sexuality openly

I learned as a teenager that other teenagers (and adults too!) get their information on sex and sexuality wrong. You know someone’s knowledge of sex is limited and unreal when they based it on porn. You can watch it as reference to practice and/or masturbate, sure, but you can’t expect to be presented with a 6-inch, clean shaven, circumcised, beautifully-structured penis that would make you moan and groan in completely desire once inserted in your vagina. Most of the time, the opposite happens and you’d just lay there in pure disappointment for not feeling all the incredible emotions that you saw on pornography. Boo-hoo!

This is why we need to get real information and be unafraid to ask. We need to start asking what we do not know or not sure about.

  • No, you are not obliged to let guys cum in your mouth and face just because you see it in porn.
  • No, you do not have to have a big penis to pleasure a girl.
  • Yes, you do have to stimulate the girl either by rubbing her clitoris, going down on her or fondle with her breasts to turn her on, don’t just fuck her.
  • Yes, turning a girl on is not as easy as you see on porn and different girls have different ‘switches’. You can just try one switch for every girl.
  • The proper terms are penis, vagina, anus and breasts, not cock, pussy, asshole and boobs. Get it right.
  • Yes, you should tell a girl that you’re uncomfortable or that it hurts or tickle when she starts slapping your balls or eating it whole. (By the way, ew.)
  • No, don’t feel bad that you’re 20 and haven’t had sex yet. Stop pressuring yourself just because society tells you that you should lose your virginity when you’re like 10. WTF society?!

REAL INFORMATION PEOPLE!

Cover any uncomfortableness with a dash of fabulousity

I would like to think that I’m good at sarcasm especially when comments about my weight are thrown in. I hate that. I mean, I get it, I’m a big girl, there is no need to remind me of my size. “Oh Jasmine, you’ve grown fatter since I saw you!” “This is not fat, this is sexiness being oozed out. Have you seen my breasts and ass? BAM!”

I mean, why not comment on something totally not my weight? Be different. “Oh Jasmine, you’ve got incredible writing skills that is beyond your age and even if I don’t agree some of the things you said, I am proud to know you personally.” BAM!

SO, here are things I CANNOT do.

Putting up the middle finger

Sorry guys, I can’t. It feels too vulgar and if I had to, which I often find that I do, I’d bring my energy from every part of my body to put up that middle finger. Isn’t it funny? I can cuss, but I can’t physically cuss. How pathetic!

Can’t stop overthinking that I’m good enough for something or someone

I cannot stop overthinking how useless I can be sometimes and it’s true. I get really awkward and tense when I talk about having a boyfriend because I tend to think that people would think that I’m too fat or ugly to actually be in a relationship despite how incredibly awesome I am. (Yes, I am aware of that.) I always hear people say things like, “Those people aren’t  attractive and even they have partners and I don’t!”. There are times where I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy just because I am a certain size. It’s messed up, I know.

I fucking blame the media for this!

You

Get it? :D

Okbye!

First audio post!

Just trying this baby out. I find this mighty helpful in times of pure laziness (in typing).  Hah! This was just a test to see if this thing works and it does! Cost me 30 sens for a minute which is not too bad.


Interesting finds on the web: From Seth Rogen’s Alzheimer plea to how to identify an abuser

1) Seth Rogen’s Alzheimer plea

1

Funny guy, Seth Rogen, gave a humourous yet touching speech before the U.S. Senate subcommittee about Alzheimer’s research where he fights to make sure  money is appropriated to fund medical research on her behalf. Having never experienced Alzheimer’s before, I never knew how incredibly horrendous the disease was. It was not just mere misplacing keys, but as Rogen explained, extreme cases of the disease includes not knowing how to talk, go to the toilet or even walk which is currently happening with his own mother in-law.

I’m sure him and his wife are terrified of this because it’s hereditary and his wife could get it too :(

Watch this video, it’s worth it.

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2) When you’re not Chinese enough

This article has been shared around Facebook a lot recently which I’m sure you have seen it too. For those of you who haven’t read it, such myself before this, you would have thought that it would be an article about a Malaysian Chinese banana who was not ‘Chinese enough’ for their own good and is ranting about it, at least I did, but I assure you that it is not.

For one, it was not written by a Chinese. In fact, it was written by a Dusun-Bajau lady from my state of Sabah who talks about how a recent break up with her Chinese boyfriend prompted her to write a piece about how belonging to different faith or ethnicity from those you love ultimately ended a great relationship. It’s a story about social stigma, where in Malaysia, especially Peninsular Malaysia, being friends  or being in a relationship with someone of a different colour, faith or ethnicity (especially with one that is a supposed ‘lower’ caste than yours) is taboo and ‘wrong’.

I personally feel sad for her, but I mostly feel sad because this is real life in Peninsular Malaysia which I hope does not spread in Sabah and Sarawak because we just can’t handle shit like this, I swear :/

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 3) It Happened To ME: I was abused by my dom

This, I thought, was an extremely interesting albeit taboo topic on BDSM. Taboo or not, BDSM is something very real and I do know some friends who actually engage in it. This article is a great example on how people  misrepresent and abuse a term/title/activity for their own benefit just to cover up their hideous crime, or perhaps they just do not understand what exactly some of the things they claim to be really meant.

This girl was abused by her dom, or rather, by someone who calls himself a dom and this was her account.

I talked to my friend who does BDSM and she tells me that this is not what being a dom is. Torturing others without worrying your partner’s safety and then ridicule them for being ‘weak’ is not part of the BDSM culture. Despite what you watch on porn videos, Doms and Subs are essentially people who although has fetish over things like pain and choking, there is such thing as respecting each others’ requests and safe words to prevent injuries.

Important note to take back: Be careful and always talk to someone (whether it be your family, friends or ask people online) about things you are not sure about, don’t keep things to yourself.

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4) Lea Michele’s song for Cory

Some of the lyrics:

It’s been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you paralyzed me
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you lost your fight

It’s been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard the phone ring
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard your voice

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 5) On a lighter note, here’s a really funny yet adorable animation

I absolutely love the last bit of the video! Truly unexpected!

Have a great weekend! It’s my birthday weekend, let’s party!