Dear Young Me

Dear Young Me

Dear young me,

Thank you for not being desperate to be accepted. Thank you for not trading your real friends for a group of cool-looking people who look like they have all the fun in the world. Also, thank God there was no Instagram or you and I both would be SO jealous looking at those people!

Yes, I know how much you wanted to be part of their group, but I also know that it’s probably not a good idea to come from a single-parent family and have unrealistic need to spend money on parties and booze on a weekly basis at just 17! I mean, we can afford it now but not when we were younger!

Also, thank you for realizing at such a young age that while the grass may be greener on the other side, it is also no less greener on this side despite us having a hard time believing that. Yes, I know it’s hard but we managed, didn’t we?

And yes, I know you’re sad that you don’t a boyfriend and that sucks… a lot! But trust me, there’s nothing wrong with you. No, it’s not that people find you unattractive, or not charming enough or unintelligent, or that you don’t have a sense of humour.

It’s just that, boys can be really blind sometimes and whether you like it or not, you can’t really blame them. They’re used to society’s definition of beauty, one that we unfortunately, do not fit into. But hey, we have an advantage to that, you know! We get to see their real selves and intentions; how pretentious and mean they can be to get the girl they want or how really nice, sweet and respectful some guys are. They think nobody sees them, but we do. I think it’s pretty cool that we get to open their minds to different types of beauty that surprise, surprise, surrounds them. In fact, being the size that we are, we get to appreciate people more and ignore those who do not deserve us; friends and boys included.

And honestly, we are single because nobody caught our eyes yet! It was never about us being unattractive, it’s about us being unattracted! You know and I know that whenever we find someone attractive, we would be the first one to say hi and ask them silly, unimportant life questions. Honestly, do you even care about how the weather will be like next week? We are definitely not the type of girls who will just sit there and wait for her prince charming to come, we go find him!

Oh and yeah, we suck at grades. Pretty bad actually. Lucky thing we got A1 for English and BM. That was pretty cool. But don’t worry because you will do REALLY good in Uni. Trust me. Also, remember those cool kids? Well, you’d be happy to know that no, you did not join their circle but because you created your own cool, they did acknowledge you and even surprisingly, praised you for being, well, you. Weird.

One of them even came up to you randomly and asked, “You’re Jasmine, right?”

Yes, yes I am.

– Older, wiser and sexier you



How it feels like to have a quarter life crisis

How it feels like to have a quarter life crisis

I’m at this point of life where I can make everything and anything happen. People call it naive. How can you live with such thought of assuming things are at the tip of your hands when it’s not? Well, how can I not? I have nothing to lose. I have a whole future in front of me, I have a blank canvas just waiting to be filled with colors. How can I not feel that I can make everything and anything happen? How can I not feel entitled?

I want to do so much and achieve just as much if not more, but here I am, writing this post on quarter life crisis. My constant panic, depression and confusion led me here. I don’t even know if  I can call this a quarter life crisis, but if panic, depression and confusion are not symptoms of a crisis, then I don’t know what is.

I don’t know what I want. I mean, I know what I want. I want a lot of things.

I want to be a travel writer, traveling around the world, taking magnificent pictures and penning my thoughts and have people read it.

I want to work for a high-end lifestyle magazine, going to all these magnificent balls, meeting influential people and immersing myself in their lives, imagining it to be mine.

I want to work as a diplomat, traveling to various country representing and promoting my own, being housed in spectacular houses without worrying about the rent.

I want to work for Buzzfeed, or anything of that sort. Representing the voice of a new generation, a post-modern voice? I don’t know.

I want to work overseas, anywhere outside of Malaysia, though preferably the US. I find it interesting there, no matter how cliche that sounds.

I want to work for an international organization advocating the rights of marginalized communities or for women and young girls. I want to work with youths too, organizing projects and programmes for them.

I want to work for the Ministry of Tourism in Sabah, go overseas to promote Sabah. I love Sabah and would be more than happy to be a spokesperson for it.

I want to work for a PR firm handling big clients, attending and organzing fun events and brush shoulders with celebrities and influential people.

So, how I choose what I want? I feel like every choice I make is delicate and one that would determine my whole existance. I know it’s pretty dumb to think that way and of course, those who are older than me often tell me, “Take it from me, it doesn’t determine your future. If you don’t like what you’re doing now, then move on to something else”.

I suppose I am just afraid? Fear convinced me not do anything at all. It’s funny. I’ve always heard about starting the first step to change, but that is always associated to weight loss, not life in general.

“Take that first step”, I tell myself. “Take it.”

But then I stop mid track, thinking to myself, “What step? Which step? Which one should I go for?” Anxiety kicks in again and we’re back to square one.

“Be inspired by people around you. See what they’re doing and learn from it.” That’s a nice advice, but not a great one. I get more depressed seeing people my age pretty much figured out what they want from life. Well, some of them are still thinking but they’re moving forward while they do it and that’s scary for me.

“Stop being scared!” I screamed at myself. WHY. Why should I be scared? It’s so funny, it’s hilarious! What is there to be scared about, you should be excited! Life is exciting! Live it! This thought excite me and I tell myself, “YEAH! Live it! Be excited!” I would then be filled with ambition and dreams, I’d fill up my heart, mind and soul with all these. “You can do it, Jasmine! You can! Don’t be afraid!” I’d pep talk myself, and it works.

I’d start visualizing myself in all these exotic places, living my dreams. It’s amazing! I love it! I’m on a blank canvas after all, waiting to be filled with colours.

So, what’s next? Where do I go from now? What should I do?

I feel anxious, panicked, depressed and confused again. I’m here, back here again.

What about the good men in your life?

What about the good men in your life?

Disclaimer: Thoughts expressed on this post are of author’s own personal opinion. By the way, I understand that Mother’s Day just ended, but I’ve been thinking about posting this for the longest time, so here it is!

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“Don’t have sex before marriage because if you do, he will leave you. These men only want to use you for your body and that’s it.”

This sounds all too familiar. I remember my mom telling me this when I was growing up. She means well, of course, that I am sure. Now, although this may be an important advice to a much younger me, as an adult however, I find this advice problematic.

Here’s another one.

“Be careful of who you hang out with, especially boys. They may put stuff in your drink and do things to you. Be careful not to leave your drinks unattended.”

Don’t get m wrong. Yes, there is truth in this. It’s obvious from all the reports that we see, but advices like this makes me confused, annoyed, paranoid and scared, all at the same time. Yes, bad people exist. Yes, there are bad men out there, but there are also bad women. Yes, women are more at risk than men, but the question remains…

What about the good men in our lives?


We so focused and introduced over and over again on the bad men in our lives; men who will potentially hurt, use and abuse you, but we rarely, if ever, appreciate the men that do not hurt you.

What about the good men who will treat you nice, who will appreciate you for who you are, who will care and protect you, who makes you feel good and beautiful and will always be there for you? What about them?

You see, we tell our daughters how to protect themselves from bad people that we forgot the good people that they will surround themselves with or potentially surround themselves with. Believe me, there are plenty of good people in this world – women AND men. Surprise, surprise. So, why don’t we prepare our girls for that too?

When your close friends become more of a sibling than a friend - the best kind.
When your close friends become more of a sibling than a friend – the best kind.

“Damn! Mom didn’t prepare me for this. She keeps telling me of the bad guys I meet, but this guy is amazing. So like… WHAT NOW?!”

Exactly,WHAT NOW?

Good men exist and have always existed, we forget about them and not appreciate them enough. (I speak on behalf of myself, and it may or may not be applied to you).

Wacky friends make things weirdly fun!
Wacky friends make things weirdly fun!

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I guess what I’m trying to say in this post is… STOP BEING AFRAID.

Stop being paranoid and think that you will always get hurt or that you will always meet bad men in your life because believe me, they are plenty good ones, you just don’t realize it.

If you keep meeting bad men in your life or keep having bad men as a partner, then maybe it’s not the men that you should blame, it’s yourself(?). Just a thought my two cents. Understand yourself and your environment, identify what is wrong with either one. If your family has shitty male (and female) relatives, then stay away. Say hi and bye, but try not going ‘beyond’ it, try not having a ‘normal’ relationship with them because negative energy should be avoided, family or not.

We often take things for granted. We identify bad things (and people) in our lives so easily and complain about negative things that we let these things and emotions overpower all the other MANY good things that happens in our lives. Most importantly, we ignore the great men in our lives.

Big hugs to all the wonderful men in my life and yours.

Papa and his girls.
RIP Kungkung who was our rock and forever will be.
RIP Kungkung who was our rock and forever will be.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Big love to all the dads, brothers, boyfriends, best guy friends, uncles, grandfathers, grand-uncles, relatives, cousins, friends, strangers and many more! Thank you for your love, care and support.


I have a new YouTube channel!

I have a new YouTube channel!

You heard that right! I’ve been making YouTube videos!

I’ve been blogging since I was 11 (yep!) and started making YouTube videos for quite some time now, but never really got into it seriously. Well now, I plan to make my YouTube gig serious hence this channel! I even got myself a new camera so you know shit is getting real!

The main purpose of this channel is to exude positivity really. I want to be funny and wacky, show people my personality, and at the same time inspire others.

Here’s my latest video! It’s a collaboration video with a really good friend of mine, Tara!

And here is my first video which is about faking confidence!

I plan to post videos every Saturday and hopefully, gradually, post more weekly. Do subscribe if you would like to watch my future videos!

I’m so excited to share this journey with you guys!! x

You’ll be dead tomorrow anyway.

You’ll be dead tomorrow anyway.

In a nutshell: This post is about being grateful for being alive. However, at any point of your life, that (being alive) will be taken away from you, so you better not fuck it up and live life to the fullest. No YOLO bullshit where you do really stupid things just because ‘you only live once’, but REAL things that makes your life worthwhile.

Warning: Cussing and possible ranting and sarcasm in post (if you didn’t already get the hint in the ‘in a nutshell’ memo lol).

So lately, I don’t know. I’ve been feeling this urge to want to do shit loads of things but problem is, I don’t know how to go about them. It’s no secret that I want to pursue my Master’s degree and that is definitely something I would love to do, but I have no idea how to go about it. Finances are a bit slim these days (haven’t they always?).

I guess part of this urge is due to the realization that we are all going to be fucked one day.

Let me explained.

I’ve read so many news, SO SO many news over the past few years about how death or accidents happen just like that. It doesn’t matter whether you are the prettiest or most successful woman around who recently had (or about to have) a beautiful fairy tale wedding or that you’re this normal person living your normal average life… It doesn’t matter, because SHIT.JUST.HAPPENS and that’s just SUPER scary to think about!

Reading all these news about death happening is depressing. I mean, yeah, I know death happens but you’d always think that it happens to old and sick people, but then it doesn’t. It happens to everyone.

Whenever I hear stories of someone younger than me die whether due to illness or sudden death, I get extremely sad. It’s the same thing when you realized that people your age are getting married (I’m THAT old?) or someone younger than you becomes this really important celebrity (I’m THAT fucking old????). So hearing someone younger than you passing on, it just gets a little bit weird and sad because you’d think that death often (and exclusively) happens to older people. Whether natural or not, we’ve always been conditioned to think that death or being sick doesn’t happen to the young, you know?

It’s always, “Oh, I can pursue my dreams in the future. I’m still young!” But you never know!

It’s more depressing when they (the young ones) choose to die. Honestly, I’m not entirely sad because of their choice (to take their own lives, though still very horrible!) but I’m sad about the story being what led them to that choice. People can be fucking assholes sometimes. I wonder if the bullies feel remorse for driving someone to kill themselves.

But really though – and I apologize if this is not your regular short post – I feel so blessed with the life I have right now; blessed enough to not fuck it up. I mean, sure, I can be a rude and ungrateful to many close people in my live (I’M SORRY) and sure, I don’t have a perfect life, but I’m still alive aren’t I? …And I’m doing and admiring the things that I love. I’m still here to feel and appreciate everything – even the little things, like the breeze that’s hitting my face right now or the fact that I have all this alone undisturbed time for myself at work.

It was extremely windy and calm that time when I took this picture. Also, my sandals were not broken that time too :/

I wake up everyone morning thanking my stars that I am still around; that I’m still alive and well. This feeling makes me be ready to take over the world – especially on days like today (hence why you see me writing long or writing anything at all).

So basically, what I’m trying to say is… (before I got rudely cut off by some scam phone call by a guy who says he was from the bank which apparently after Googling the number, found out that it was a scam!!)


As a young adult now, I’ve learnt to not make people like me. I mean, I still do that but I make sure that those people are positive people, people who are worth hanging out with, people who are worth sacrificing for. I eventually learn to stop living up to what people want me to be, but have them fit in in what I want a friend to be like instead. (does that make sense?)

I mean, this rule also applies to dating. If I was ever dating someone new again (I’m currently in a relationship now, but you know, IF), I would stop being worried about what that person would think of me and have them be worried whether or not I will like them. Judging from past experiences, it was me who was disappointed with the men I meet instead of them being disappointed with me. So me = WIN!


Just pursue whatever you want to pursue, be whomever you want to be and take whatever you want to take, because honey, you’ll be dead tomorrow anyway. 

(Again, no YOLO shit ok. None of that. Change the world, make good choices.)

Real problems only introverted extroverts (and extroverted introverts) would understand

Real problems only introverted extroverts (and extroverted introverts) would understand

Introverted extroverts are the life of the party. You are a social animal who loves meeting new people and have people be super interested to get to know you. You are charismatic, fun and enjoyable to be around with.

However, there are time when all you want to do is be cooped up in your rooms, to not be the centre of attention and to for once, be the quiet one in the group. You just don’t have the mood to mingle and tend to get awfully awkward with people. This confuses people very much but hey, that’s okay!

Here are some real problems only introverted extroverts would understand.

  • You have a ‘fun quota’


Being an extrovert can be tiring. You enjoy it very much but sometimes, especially times when you use too much of your ‘fun quota’, you get tired and tend to crawl back to your holes to re-energize yourselves.

However, don’t worry because you know that once you are fully energized, you can’t wait to go out and start mingling again! So, get ready world!

  • You have a lot of friends, but only a handful of close friends


You like to keep our circle small, despite having a large network of friends and acquaintances. You are usually selective when it comes to who you share your deepest darkest secrets to and try not to blabber everything about yourself to just about everyone.

But having said that, you do have many groups of friends that you hang with many different interests and stories that you share with, and that’s the awesome part! You can never have too little friends or the party would be a bore!

  • Avoiding people


When you’re not feeling it, all you want to do is to avoid people at all cause. See a friend you got drunk with the other night in the shopping mall? Avoid! See that crush you’ve been flirting non-stop with at the dinner party last week in the petrol station? Avoid!

But wait! They see you and now they’re walking to you. You can’t run any more so you put the biggest smile you can and go, “HEY!!!!! I’m so happy to see you!”.

Talking to them isn’t too bad after all, but once they go away, you run and make sure you don’t bump into them ever again. Well, at least until next Saturday at the bar!

  • People throw stuff at you all the time


Because of your fun and outspoken personality, people tend to make you do things a lot. I.e., do presentations, emcee for events, public speaking, confronting people etc etc… In reality, there are some things in the list that you rather not do.

I for one hate confronting people, I am too scared to do the job!

  • “You? Shy?????”


Yep, you get that ALL the time. Apparently, nobody believes that you could ever be shy, but it does happen!

  • You’re a ball of surprises!


You know those girls who don’t wear make-up at all and have zero fashion sense almost all the time, then when you see them at a party, BAM! They look gorgeous with their sex-me make-up and fuck-me clothes.

Yeah, you’re kind of like that.

When you’re not feeling it, you keep quiet and lay low. Everyone pass you without noticing. Nobody thinks that you’re important enough. Then there’s that one person in the room who is super hyper that it’s fucking pissing you off. You want to shine too, just like her/him, but you can’t. You just can’t. Not right now anyway.

Then one day… BAM! Your personality kicks in and your fun side is shown! You become the life of the room and everyone notices you, even that annoyingly hyper girl/boy shuts up because the limelight is on you now and there’s nothing they can do about it. You hear people saying, “I didn’t know you’re this fun!” as dance your ass off to Carly Rae Jepson’s I Really Like You.

You do you now, you hear?