When I went to college a year back, the first thing I was told not to do by my teachers was to assume. They collectively told us in class that the term ‘assume’ is making an ASS of U and ME – Ass.U.Me. and one must not engage in such humiliating act.
I find this hilarious and disturbing though. Were they really taught this back in teachers’ college in the Great White North (Canada)? Weird.
My biggest problem with myself is that I assume too much. On top of that, I think too much too. If there’s one thing about observing people’s body language, which I love to do, is that I tend to read messages so detailed that I keep on assuming that whatever I conclude is correct and most of the time, it is (or I would like to think that it is).
Having grown up being bullied and criticized for the way I am, I find that the only way for me to ‘save’ myself from being mentally abused is by getting hints from other people’s body language towards me and then remove them from my life if I find that they look down on me or find me uninteresting. The way I see it, why keep in touch with someone who dislike me or find uninteresting?
But there are problems to that theory.
Whatever I may be assuming is not true at all and I’m ignoring a friendship that could possibly flourished to being something great and I’m missing all of that because of this pre-meditated thought I have towards the person.
There’s ALWAYS a reason behind everything people do.
For example, there was this one time when I’m talking to someone and they don’t look at me in the eye but look at other people in the eye and I find that really rude and that hurt my feelings so bad. But there are tons of reasons as to why he/she did that. Perhaps that person finds me intimidating, assumed that I’m a bitch without knowing me or genuinely find me uninteresting or beneath him/her.
How to solve all the assumptions that you may have?
It’s not all about YOU. The world doesn’t revolve around you so you should stop thinking that every little thing that the person do is because of you. Quit thinking too much about things because some of them may not even be relevant or worth thinking about.
Communication is key. Hating somebody on the basis of your own assumption without asking them directly is stupid and it hurts. It hurts you the most because you keep on thinking about why bad things happen to you all the damn time or why did the person treat you that way. I should know, I’ve been through it.
The only way around it is asking the person the real reason behind something or telling them why you’re treating them a certain way. It’s all about getting closure because sometimes, you may worry or overthink about something that was never there.
Change the way you think and change for a better you.
I’m slowly learning this one. I’ve already talked to two people whom I had my assumption meter on and it was killing me and our relationship, so I decided to have the courage to ask them straight up or told them why I was acting the way I was.
Needless to say, I got my closure and all the hate just went away. I realized that I was hating somebody and hurting myself for no reason at all. Years of hatred died down within a day. It’s the most amazing feeling ever.
If there’s something you don’t like about someone, then go up to the person and tell them. They may or may not accept it, but at least they know that whatever they’re doing is not right and they can fix it and you can fix your uneasiness towards the person too.
Also, there’s ALWAYS a reason behind why somebody act the way they do. Often times, they don’t know that whatever they’re doing is considered rude because it’s normal to them.
Nobody can read your mind.
If you’re a bitch to someone and be all, “Oh, they know what they did wrong,” then BOY, ARE YOU WRONG.
Sacrificing your pride and ego to ask for forgiveness means nothing compared to the closure you experience. It’s never easy to say sorry, but I don’t want to still be hating that person 50 years from now only to find out that she wasn’t being rude that day, she just had a really bad day.