If you were born or brought up in the Internet century, then just like me, you too, I suppose, have tons of online friends. With the great amount of social networking sites and chatting programs, I doubt that anyone would opt for the age old going out to mingle sort of activity. Okay, maybe not. In fact, I actually know tons of people who still choose to go out and mingle, unlike myself.
I just find that going out to the real world to socialize is a bit tad too expensive, so more than often, I’d do what any modern, Internet savvy 21 year old would do; use the net to find friends and later communicate with them there.
But there’s one problem, as confident as I am with things like public speaking, presenting and being single, I find that I am beyond helpless when it comes to meeting someone I know from the Internet. Every time someone would ask me if I could have a few drinks with them, I’d chicken out and give them shit loads of excuses that I have nicely laid out in front of me and it’s just a matter of me choosing which excuse to use.
I’m not saying that I get asked out a lot, I don’t. But when I do, I’d freak out.
See, when you’re online, you’re not exactly presenting you. Well, the physical you anyway. I know I don’t.
The pictures you give out are usually pictures that make you look flawless. The camera angle that you have positioned on you is put on your ‘good side’ and conversations that you give out is much thought about thus it is perfect in every single way. The fact that it’s the Internet, you have no such worry on how you look because you’re mostly showing your inner self, which by far is the most important asset to anyone, but believe me when I say, everybody tend to choose visual over inner, untouchable things like personality.
I am, just like millions other women out there, self conscious about my body and how I look. I care about what people think about me despite constantly reassuring myself that I don’t. Technically, I do not care about what other, unknown people think about me, but this principle does not apply when it comes to online friends.
See, I do care if you are a friend whose company I have come to enjoy after talking for awhile online. For now, it’s easy to just be me when I talk to them online because I don’t have to think about my ugly, thin, wet hair or my ugly unpainted toes or chipped nail polish on my fingers. I don’t have to think about those things when I talk to someone online, and since my personality is of myself, it’s easy for me to just express myself.
But when the question on “Can we meet?” come up, I’d get freak out because I know that it’s not just my personality that I have to keep in check, but also how I look. Physicality is such an important aspect in today’s picture perfect life. Some people genuinely don’t care how they look physically because they have that much confidence in themselves, but I do.
I’m not your picture perfect model-like girl and you can tell me that there is no such thing and I would tell you, “Yes, I know.” but the truth is, it’s hard for me to accept rejection. They might not say it out loud, but their eyes would and it’s such a big justification to what I fear most; rejection. I have had people whom I am friends with for years, but slowly rejecting me after meeting me and frankly speaking, I am pretty traumatized by that experience. It’s sad really; I’m a girl who is passionate about life, ambitious and strong, but that is all ignored because of my weight.
I know what you may be saying, “But that guy’s shallow! You’re better off without him!” and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t care about that guy after that, but what I do care though is the feeling of being rejected. It’s the worst feeling anyone could ever feel and it can be rather traumatizing for someone. It’s not cool.
The expectations of a first date with an online date. [Source]
A friend asked me out recently. He is not particularly good looking and I should somehow feel good about myself because that would make me be at ease; knowing that he’s just a normal guy and me, a normal girl are meeting, but I couldn’t help but think that what if he, a normal guy, rejects me because I am overweight? Wouldn’t that be just more depressing?
Okay I know, I am just making assumptions and I think too much about this, but can you blame me? Like I said, it is traumatizing. I just wish that I have a lot of confidence in myself to just go out there and meet my online friends; males or females. I wish I had more experience in socializing in real life, than socializing online. I’m so good at the online gig that I suck in real life stuff.
“So… Uhm… Yeah…” [Source]
The less complicated life of meeting people online… a definite curse in disguise for all anti-social and lazy people like yours truly. Ugh. I hate this.