I hate crushing on somebody, anybody.
Emotions are hard to control. When you’re angry, you lash out or just be pissed and want to be left alone. If you’re sad, you’re sad; all you want to do is cry or be alone. But when you’re crushing on somebody, well, it’s hard. Your brain can’t function well because all you think about is that crush of yours, you keep talking about your crush to your friends which makes them feel all bored around you bla bla bla.
Like last night. I went out with a good friend of mine and all I can think about is that guy. My memory box keeps rewinding itself to that night and all the “What if” shit keeps on appearing. Though I think I handled our first encounter nicely, I still wonder what if I’ve done some things differently to make me stand out amongst the rest.
What I hate most about this whole crushing thing is that I don’t know him that well and only met him once, ever. So to be crushing on him based on first meeting is dumb! I barely know the guy and here I am, thinking about him over and over again? For all I know, he could be a creep! As of now though, I am the weird one for thinking about him! :(
Frankly speaking though, I’m not sure whether I am crushing on him or am I excited at the fact that I can talk to boys, no wait, FLIRT with boys. I always thought of myself as flirt-challenged because I never actually put myself out there before. So to jump out of my comfort zone and approach a guy just like that is well, not me.
And on the other side, I keep on thinking how this whole being ‘head over heels’ thing is so against my feministic values that I have kept up. I always find girls who get excited over boys pretty lame because I always thought that there is more to life than just boys. So despite me being all excited about liking somebody, I too am restricting myself to enjoy the moment because it clashes with my values.
BUT THEN AGAIN, it came to me… Why shouldn’t I enjoy this exciting moment? I am a girl with needs after all. It doesn’t mean that just because I like a guy, I am going against all that I believe in. I still believe in my stand boys do not fulfil you but merely adds up to your fulfilment.
Girls have needs and fantasies too, you know! Look at this guy! Hubba hubba!
Why can’t a girl like a guy and fantasize about them? Sexually or not. At the end of the day, despite all this female (more like, feminist) pride, it’s pretty hard to ignore the fact that we all crave on companionship and sex; NEEDS. Just because I’m a girl, doesn’t mean I don’t have needs. Just because I was told to be a lady all the time and constantly close my legs, doesn’t mean that I have to restrict myself and my sexuality while boys can roam the world freely with their own spreading their seeds.
I guess this is why some women feel that stripping, acting in porn, having multiple partners etc sexually liberating.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating for these things, I’m just merely stating a point. I for one do not think I’m ready to go out there and give a guy a lap dance.
Though… The idea is pretty erotic. ;)