Just One Of Those Days: I feel like crap.

I feel like crap today and I feel like writing about my feelings on this blog instead of my personal blog because I think it’s important to tell the whole world about how crappy I am feeling right now.

I am jealous. I am jealous of people; of their achievements, of their beauty and of how everyone else throws themselves on them and leaving me by the sidelines. I am jealous at how people just want to get close to them and don’t even bother to say hi to me because I’m just not worth saying hi to.

I feel like I’m the ugly duckling and everyone around me are fucking beautiful and perfect and nothing could go wrong in their lives despite how I try hard to make friends, have fun, be friendly… I mean, how is that when I try hard to be noticed, to be just as good as them if not better, I don’t get what they get – recognition.

I know what you may be saying. “Jasmine, stop trying and let things be.

I’ve done that. It doesn’t work. Which is why I have decided to do something about it and make something work, but it never does. And here they are not even trying, just living life normally, and yet, people are coming up to them and recognizing them for their beauty and grace and fucking loving them, flaws and all. I feel so… Sigh.

I hate comparing myself to people, but it’s hard to not do that when you’ve been trying to hard to get noticed and you fall down even more. It’s not a good feeling.

I feel so desperate, so tired of trying. The more I try, the less I succeed. If I am pushed to the sidelines, I guess I just have to suck it up and accept it. I can’t be like her or him or like you, and if I have to be me, then let it be. I shall be the me who is forced to just smile and accept what’s happening around her.

I don’t like feeling like this. It’s a crappy feeling; to be unwanted, unloved, unappreciated. I just wish that I would have my own moment where people want to be with me instead of her and having to do all of that without even trying.

Me on a much happier day.

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Just One Of Those Days: I feel like crap.

  1. You need to stop thinking that you are unworthy. Trying hard and always focusing on what you don’t have just brings more of those things you don’t want in your life. Learn to respect yourself and everyone else will. And those who won’t respect you for who you are – are simply not supposed to be in your life.

    Don’t compare yourself to others because you can never know what it’s really like being someone else no matter how well you know them. There’s usually equally sadness and happiness in people’s lives no matter if they are living in mud huts in Africa or in a mansion in Hollywood.

    When you focus on your own well-being and realise how much you are worth the people around you will change. You will start naturally avoiding situations where you won’t be treated well and find yourself surrounded with people who think you are cool.

    Be yourself and stop thinking about it. Do things that make you feel good. Think with your spirit not with your ego. Everything else is just an illusion.

    1. Thank you :)

      This is definitely one of the best advice I have ever received. And thank you for taking time to write this! I really appreciate it :)

      And yes, I do agree with you 100%. This shall forever be my mantra whenever I’m feeling down. I love the last two paragraphs the most!!

  2. Dear…don’t be like that. God doesn’t create every girl to be beautiful…or man would have a hard time to find a wife. Nobody is perfect in this world (including me). But…because of your imperfection, it’s a proof that you’re still standing in this world. I’m sure that one day you will find someone that will appreciate your existence, and accept the way you are.
    P/S : You said that no one would say hi to you? Guess what? Hi Jasmine. (I already say hi to you) :-)
    P/S again : Happy New Year to you Jasmine. XD

Sprinkle me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s