The ‘C’ Word.

They say relationship is all about trusting one another; giving yourself fully to your partner and letting them cherish every part of you despite the ugly that you bring out from yourself. They’ll adore you with or without make-up. They’ll be there to cheer you on despite knowing that you will lose. They are always there when you needed them the most, or at least, try to be there.

But what happens when your partner (or yourself) cheats and destroying this oath that you have with each other? Worse, what happens if they do not acknowledge that they are cheating and laugh at you for being too possessive of them or being too paranoid?

They say different genders look at cheating differently. If this is the case, then what constitutes cheating? Is sex it? Or is being emotionally involved with someone other than your partner screams cheating? What?

“Cheating is the violation of exclusivity, physical and emotional that binds those in a committed relationship.” [Source]

Thus means that, cheating is more than just engaging in sexual act. Cheating occur when “one shares intimacy with the non-partner and violates the quality of exclusivity”.

I don’t want to generalize, but I do feel that men and women have different ideas when it comes what is cheating for them. Okay well, I suppose there is truth in that seeing how complex women are at times. Yes, I am nodding in approval here.

The thing is, men and women view cheating differently. If a men cheats, they might not feel that it’s cheating but the women might think that it is and vice versa. If you’re wondering what you’re doing is cheating or not, maybe you should ask yourself the obvious; would I be angry if my girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/spouse does this? If the answer is yes, then that’s the answer you’ve been searching for.

But cheating is more complex than that, I’m sure.

In an article on Askmen.com, women were asked to vote on what they think constitutes as cheating and the answers are surprising – well, not surprising to me seeing that I am a female and I agree with what they said.

Among all of the answers that they give, there are a few that caught my attention.

Confiding In Other Women

“Connecting with another woman on an emotional level is worse than connecting with her on a sexual level.”

This is what the previous article talks about; exclusivity. The fact that you are confiding with someone other than your partner regarding personal issues, sexually or not, without your partner’s knowledge, you have violated the exclusivity that you have with your partner.

Flirting Provocatively

“I don’t mind innocent flirting, I do it all the time,” admits Jennifer, 39, a dentist, “but if he’s flirting with the intent of eventually getting a piece of action, then it’s over.”

Image Source: ‘The Queer Guy At The Strip Club, Or, The Opposite Of Sex

Getting Private Dances At Strip Joints

There are some women who think that going to a strip joint in and of itself constitutes cheating, but not every woman in this survey did. The problem, however, surfaces when a guy pays to touch a stripper.

I never understood why going to a strip joint is considered cheating. I always felt that it’s okay for a guy to go to a strip joint because it is equal to watching porn; you just sit there and watch. But I guess actually paying the girl for private dances or for the guy to touch her would make me feel uncomfortable.

Engaging In Cyber Sex (or phone sex/sexting)

Getting on the Net and talking sex to other women ranks high on the “cheating” scale. Masturbating while doing so is even worse. “I pride myself on making sure my husband is sexually satisfied, so first, I’d ask him why, and if the answer is complete crap, I’d leave him,” says Tammy, 34, a housewife. 

Read full article here.

I personally feel that between cheating physically (have sex or kissing) or emotionally (cybersex, excessive flirting or talking about fantasies), emotion takes the prize. Probably because I feel that emotions are the strongest part in us and it is because of these emotions and thoughts that allow us to do what we do and accept (or reject) people for who they are.

Sure, it’s true that some people can be emotionally unavailable and tend to say things for the sake of saying things, but that’s another story altogether. For right now, I’d say that I’d be more afraid if my guy falls in love with another girl and sharing a whole lot of stuff as oppose to him fucking another girl. Not to say that I’m completely okay with him fucking, but if you were to ask me which one I would find more forgivable, it would definitely be being physical WITHOUT having emotions attached.

Unfortunately though, cheating is not a black and white thing. There are MORE to it than just talking about the ideal non-cheating scenario. 

If you are still adamant as to what actually constitutes as cheating and you’re still bewildered by your partner’s overreaction towards your innocent doings as cheating, well, I bet this sentence can help you.

“Cheating is not about what YOU think it is, but what your partner constitutes as cheating.”

So case solved. :P

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