Suffocate

I hate being sick sometimes, especially when it involves me being down with a flu and cough. Like, right now.

What annoys me the most is not the runny nose or how my throat hurts when I cough, but by the thought of death; of my death. See, when my nose is blocked, I have no choice but to breathe through my mouth. Breathing through your mouth while you have trouble breathing in general due to being sick is a pretty horrible combination, just because you feel like such huge pressure on your chest; as if something heavy was on it.

I take big deep breaths every time I breathe now. I’d open my mouth, squeeze my legs with my hands while forcing big chunks of air through my mouth and then I get a massive headache from all the oxygen. But despite the pain, I am happy that I was able to breathe normally again, if only for a few seconds before I continue my ritual of big breaths.

Sometimes, I would forget to take these big chunks of breaths and I’ll start to get this feeling as if I’m drowning and my chest hurts so bad. That would give me a massive jolt and my heart starts to race.

I would get very scared when this happens, especially when I’m about to sleep. What if I forget to breathe? What if that happens and I’ll die in my room alone, and nobody would know that until days after that?

Ridiculous, I know. But then again, what if right?

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