Chatting with an older man (or men): Part 2

Note: I know a lot of people got so annoyed when I had to cut short Part 1 because I thought it was tooo long! My friends came up to me and was all, “I was reading and when I saw ‘to be continued’, I was so angry! Tell me what happens next!!” LOL. You have no idea how flattered I feel. Thank you so much!!! 

Well, here is part two! Thank you for being patient with me! =)

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Continued from part one.

MEETING ZAIN AND SAM

When I turned 18, I asked my aunt if I could follow her to KL and for her to get my a flight ticket, as a birthday present. I told her that I was officially legal and that’s such a big age for me, so she agreed to it. My parents didn’t see any wrong in that, so they let me go.

I was to stay with my aunt in her hotel and I could meet friends when she goes out for her convention – work related stuff.

I was thrilled! I called two friends of mine (whom I know and met before) who were living in KL for a meet up and I too called Zain and Sam and told them about it. They were excited to meet me and I in turn, was super excited to meet them!

It was a perfect plan!

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MEETING ZAIN

The day of the meet up with Zain, I got myself a nice dress. It was black and a tad bit neck plunging, but I love it! I decided that I could wear that dress for my meeting with Zain. I wanted to impress him, and that was that.

When I met him, I thought he was absolutely gorgeous. He has a goatee and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. We went to a bar outside of KL, but we found out that it was closed for a private event, so we went to a Coffee Bean instead. We didn’t really talk much. I was mostly looking at him smoking away.

He didn’t seem interested in talking to me, or looking at me and I was really uncomfortable with my dress. I kept on covering my chest with my hair. On our way back to the hotel, we went for a drive and stopped by in this fairly empty Shell station which was opposite a row of empty houses. It kind of freaked me out a bit.

Then we headed to a McDonalds near my hotel. I figured, this was my last attempt to impress him with my personality. I engaged in a conversation with him; asked him questions and what not. He responded, but not good enough. I gave up and stopped trying.

He sent me back to the hotel, I gave him a hug and that was that.

I felt rejected and disappointed. I felt that my presentation of myself was not good enough in his eyes. He didn’t engage in my every attempt to impress me. I felt ugly and that was not a good feeling :(

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MEETING SAM

The next night, I was scheduled to meet Sam. I wasn’t too keen on meeting him after what happened with Zain the night before, but I had no choice. And anyway, it was too last minute to cancel anyway.

We were supposed to meet at 8pm but it was slowly pushed back to 9pm, and finally, 10pm. By that time, I was completely turned off. He was busy, he told me. I couldn’t be bothered.

While on my way to the lobby, my heart raced. What if he hates me too? What if he finds me absolutely ugly, just like Zain? Before even meeting the guy, I already expected his reaction. What’s wrong with me????

When I reached the lobby, I saw him standing there, looking out to the street. He didn’t see me just yet. I was incredibly nervous by that time.

I called out to him and he turned, and there he was, in his working outfit, tired-looking and breathless. He smiled when he looked at me and proceeded to give me a big hug. I felt awkward hugging him. Probably because despite knowing him all these years, I was not really ready for a physical contact just yet, not when I have yet to have a real one-on-one conversation with him.

He brought me to his car and we went to the KLCC park with our McD drive-thru meals. It wasn’t the ideal first meeting I was hoping for, but I wasn’t complaining. I liked the park and the lights from the lake, fountain and towers looked incredibly calming and beautiful!

Brightly-lit park over-looking the fountain facing KLCC (hidden)

We sat on a bench overlooking the lake and the twin towers. It was supposed to be a romantic sight, but I didn’t want it to be. He wasn’t my type, at least, when it comes to all these romantic sparks and stuff. He was looking at me, gazing and smiling. I didn’t like it and I felt extremely uncomfortable.

I wanted him to stop.

We had occasional awkward silence here and there, but he seemed at ease with it, where as I did not.

I broke the silence by talking about everything that I had in my mind. I didn’t care if it didn’t make sense, I just wanted him to talk and not look at me that way.

After our park night-out, we decided to head back.

While in the car, I started coughing. I was sick when I came to KL, so that explains the cough. When I coughed, he became worried and asked me if I was okay. I said I was a little sick and might have a slight fever. Without warning, he reached out his hand to touch my forehead, cheeks, neck and chest, almost nearing my cleavage. I was shocked; too shocked to move.

He seemed pretty oblivious to what he just did, but to me, it seemed like I was semi-taken advantage on. I know I was over exaggerating when I thought about this because he was genuinely concerned when I told him I was sick, but that time, it felt like I was [taken advantage on]. All of the sudden I became afraid and questions start going through my mind.

“Why am I here, in his car?”

“Where am I exactly? I don’t know this area and it’s dark.”

“What is he going to do to me?”

“This was all a mistake! What if he does something to me??? I’m 18 and he’s fucking 30!”

While lost in my thoughts, all of the sudden, he asked me if he could have a drag beside the road because he really felt like it. I asked him if he could have it after sending me back, but he objected, saying that he didn’t have one the whole day and desperately needed one. I tried to persuade him, but he wasn’t listening.

Empty street

I was scared. So scared.

I waited in the car while he was having his smoke. We talked about some stuff; his work and my recent SPM. I kept cool most of the time but deep inside, I was fucking terrified. He kept telling me how unbelievably beautiful I was and how he couldn’t believe that I was standing right in front of him!

I was too scared and worried to feel flattered. Frankly, I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was to go back to my aunt at the hotel. By that time, I felt stupid for not telling my aunt exactly who I’m with and that this friend, is a stranger I knew from the Internet.

After he finished smoking, he drove me back to the hotel. The moment he stopped his car at the entrance, I quickly said my goodbyes, went out from his car and walked away.

“Jasmine!” he called out.

I stopped and turned around. He had his hands open, indicating for a hug. I shrugged and went up to him and hugged him. I said goodbye, smiled and walked away.

When I walked off, I turned around for the last time for a quick wave and I saw that he was just looking at me. Hoping that I’ll say or do something to him. I didn’t.

All I had in my mind was to go to my room. As fast as I can, as cool as I can. I didn’t want to run to the elevator because that would just be weird, although I desperately wanted to do that. When waiting for the elevator, I could see that he was still standing outside. I was praying for the elevator to come fast so that he wouldn’t be able to change his mind and come up with me to my room. That would be scary.

Finally, the elevator came and I was saved.

Back in the room, I got a text from him.

“You looked beautiful tonight. Thank you for going out with me. I wanted to give you a kiss just now, but I was too shy to do so. I couldn’t help it. You were too beautiful. I feel so lucky.”

I cringed and replied his text, “LOL. Thank you so much for tonight. I’ll see you around.”

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AFTER KL

When I went back to KK, I still kept in touch with both Zain and Sam. I stopped talking to Sam after a while though. He didn’t text or call me any more and neither did I to him. Zain and I talked for a few more months and even added each other on Facebook. We managed to meet each other in 2010, but after that, he just stopped talking to me.

I found out through his Facebook that he was in a relationship. After tons of unreplied texts, IMs and phone calls, I decided to delete him from my life. I deleted his cell number, unfriended him on Facebook and deleted him from my YM. I never talked to him again after that.

I was heartbroken for awhile, but it didn’t take my long to be over the guy.

I got a big surprise though early this year when he sent me an IM. “Hi,” he said. I just stared at his IM and thinking to myself, “Hmm.. This guy is still alive.” Mean, I know. But I couldn’t help myself!

I didn’t reply to his IM obviously. Why should I? I didn’t like knowing that he could just delete me off from his life any time of the day, then suddenly decided to just say hi to me whenever he wants to. The nerve!

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THE LINK BETWEEN ‘TRUST’ AND MY TEENAGE LIFE

Like I said in part 1 of this super long post, I feel an instant connection with the main character, 14-year old Annie.

I know and understand what she had been through because I personally had been through it too. I know how it feels to be appreciated and feel beautiful thanks to these older men who seemed to be so able to get any girls (of their own age) they want, but instead, they chose me, some 16 year old. Can you imagine how flattering that is?

You would understand how saddening and traumatizing it is to have the guy to not call you or treat you the way you want him to treat you. With him doing this, you would instantly believe that it was you who made him not want to talk to you again, probably because you are not pretty enough for him or mature enough.

I was traumatized when Zain didn’t pay much attention to me, as if I had disappointed him because I wasn’t pretty enough. I was more traumatized when he didn’t call me after that; for more than a week.

Annie breaking down after a realization that she has been raped.

All I had in my head was, “I’m ugly. He doesn’t like me because I’m ugly.” I was so depressed and sad.

With Sam however, it was more to me potentially being done harm for following him in the car. He was 30 and I was 18. I didn’t know the area well and the roads we took were mostly dark, so just imagine all the bad things he could and would have done to me.

I was lucky that he was ‘shy’ or afraid to do things to me; ie, kissing me, just like he said in his text. If he was brave (and dumb) enough to pull that move in front of the hotel, I would slap him. But if he did do it while we were still in the car, after he touched me to feel whether I have a fever or not, slapping him would only anger him and would put me in such dangerous position.

I know what you’re thinking; why follow him (and Zain) in their car when I barely know them? Easy, it’s because I knew them enough to follow them in the car. Though of course, at that time, I thought it was enough, but obviously not. But anyway, I felt safe enough to go out with them. Besides, we were meeting in an open space anyway.

Thinking back though, that was obviously not enough because I was still following them in their car, so whether we hang in an open space or not, it didn’t really matter because they can still bring me somewhere and do stuff to me.

Luckily they didn’t. LUCKILY. Most girls wouldn’t have been so lucky. Actually, a lot of girls wouldn’t have been so lucky.

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NOW

So yes, that was my story. I keep telling my younger cousins and friends to always be careful when they are talking to people online and especially, when they plan to meet these people. It’s dangerous. Very dangerous.

I get worried all the time too because I know how these things work having been through them personally. And now, with the availability of Omegle, my cousins – girls – who are as young as 11 years old are already chatting on it and telling people that they are 14, talking to people who are in their 20’s, 30’s or worse. And these people, they keep talking to my cousins because a) they thought that my cousins are lying about their age – thinking that they are older or b) they like younger kids – paedophiles?

It’s disturbing.

So, keep safe. Always.

If you get to know someone on Facebook or dating sites and if you’re planning to meet them, remember, meet in a public place and don’t follow their cars or go to their house/hotel. Well, you’re all grown ups, you know how this goes.

x

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6 thoughts on “Chatting with an older man (or men): Part 2

  1. Hey Jasmine! It’s been a while since I’ve been on your blog. Haha.

    This is one of my favourite posts so far. I’ve never encountered anything like this when I was growing up. Well, it’s also because I’ve always been paranoid when it comes to meeting people on the internet. I don’t mind having them as a friend on facebook or Skype. But when it comes to meeting up, I would try my best to not meet them unless I have someone with me.

    I can’t say that meeting people off the internet is a bad thing. Someone could’ve met their soul mate online. But it still is a dangerous place, not only for kids but adults as well. As much as we hate to admit it, we can be as vulnerable as the next 5 year old kid. I guess it’s all up to the individual and how he or she is brought up.

    1. Hey Daphne! Good to have you back here! ;)

      And thank you! This is one of my favourite posts to write too! And yes, what you said is true. We are as vulnerable as the next 5 year old kid. I mean, that’s pretty much proven from all the tragic news of women who were either traumatized or killed after meeting their ‘friend’ from the Internet. Pretty nasty!

      You always ALWAYS have to be careful and constantly follow your gut feeling. If you feel that something is wrong, then don’t proceed and move away. They’re there for a reason. Once you see the warning signs but you still decide to ignore it, then you are jeopardizing your own safety!

      Anyway, thank you for commenting! :)

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