I’m bad at these things. I really am. The last time I actually went out with someone, an actual date, was when I was 18. I’m 22 now. See how horrible this is? See why I’m panicking?!!
So anyway, a few friends of mine have recently got themselves into the dating scene again and are terrified! And excited actually. They’ve come up to me for advice and stuff, and seeing that I am too very very rusty in this whole dating scene, I couldn’t give them much aside from “just enjoy the moment!“; a mantra I have given myself ever since I’ve thrown myself out there lately.
Since then I have thought of various ways on how to cope with the whole dating scene and how to keep coping, all from my own personal experience. I am no professional when it comes to this whole dating bit, but I did find these tips helpful for myself and I do think that it would help other girls (or guys) out there too :)
Air is a necessity for our brains to function properly, especially in times of fantasizing about our lives together with that guy we went on a first date with. Have some sense, woman! It’s only the first date! I know you’re excited, but it may not work out (or it may).
But whatever it is, don’t get too crazy about the future, just enjoy the present!
2. Stop overthinking too much!
There is a fine line between purely overthinking and overthinking too much. Not only are you already overthinking things, but you overthink about things constantly which makes it worse!
Anyone who knows me knows that I overthink too much, especially when it comes to something (or someone) I have no power on!
Does he like me? Does he thinks that I’m boring? Would I look nice if I wear this? Are my jokes bad? Why is he not calling me? Why is he not texting me? Is this going to work? How do I tell him if it’s not going to work? Do I really like him or do I like the idea of him?
Whenever I realize that I think about these things, I made it a point to stop myself halfway and make myself understand that to overthink too much about things that you can’t control is bad because you get sucked into figuring out about unimportant things that you tend to ignore the having fun part.
Just have fun, go with the flow! STOP OVERTHINKING, DAMN IT!
Overthinking about things, despite how crucial it is to ‘protect’ your future self will just make the whole dating bit boring and stressful. It’s suppose to be fun and exciting, so just be in the moment, have fun! Things will run its course slowly. It always does eventually.
3. Don’t get too attached
I personally feel that despite it being extremely exciting to get to know someone (not being in a relationship just yet), it’s somewhat important to not get TOO attached. From personal experience, getting attached means that you’d wait for his call or text 24/7, you’d think about your future with him and the house that you’ll be living in, AND not to mention you’d get tempted to list down names for your little imaginary babies. NOT GOOD!
Remember what I say about overthinking too much???? AND to top it off, you’ll get extremely hurt when things don’t work out between the two of you.
Just let things flow and be in the moment; have fun flirting, teasing, laughing and being weirded out by each other, but at the same time, be ready to face the harsh reality if it wouldn’t work out between the both of you. At least, you tried! :)
4. Beautify yourself!
Not that you’re not already beautiful! ;) If you’re anything like me, you’re probably one of the few girls who does not have a fashion sense, wears her clothes repeatedly or in rotation, gets lazy over putting on make-up and thinks that her charms are enough to impress a guy.
Don’t get me wrong! Our charm and personality are our greatest asset which is why the guy is interested in us in the first place! Although beautifying yourself may not be able to contribute that much to your appeal since you’re already fabulous (high-five!), it does though help in injecting a little bit of va-va-voom into yourself and your self-esteem as well as helping in boosting your confidence. You know what they say, confidence is sexy! ;)
5. Be frank, communicate!
You know how they say that communication is key in any successful relationship? Well, I say that communication is key in not being stuck in a potentially fucked up situation that may get you some ass whooping. And not the fun kind of as whooping, if you know what I mean. ;)
It’s very important to tell the other person about what you think and how you feel. It’s scary you know, to tell the person what you think, especially if what you think may not be a good one. If you think that what you have with this guy will not turn into a relationship, then you have to tell him, don’t lead him on to believing that what you guys have is perfect. The last thing you want is to give him a big shock when you ‘decline’ his offer in going steady or worse, you’ll be stuck in a relationship that you never wanted to be in in the first place but was too chicken to tell him that.
Have one of those grown up talks where both of you speak your minds about whether you can see yourself being with each other seriously or not. If you’re only looking for a fling, then tell him. If you’re looking for someone to get married, tell him. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship with someone who only wants to be with you because of your fucking awesome tits and not you as a person, well, thank you but no thanks, mister!
Remember… You’re not in a relationship just yet, so you have every right to reject any offer that may come to you, especially one that you are certain will not work out well.
6. Be honest… with yourself.
The hardest thing for anyone (especially myself) to do is being honest with themselves. It’s hard because whenever we’re given a rare opportunity, it’s always tough to tell ourselves to ignore it because it doesn’t come by that often. This dilemma is the same with guys that I meet.
I don’t really have guys chasing me or me chasing them, so when a guy suddenly pops up in my life and wants to get to know me, I would let him in because a) he seems like a nice guy and b) after hours of consulting with my trusted girlfriends, all of them pretty much assured me that there is no harm in getting to know the guy.
Over time however, I realized that I don’t really like the guy, I merely like the idea of him. Heck, I can’t even think about kissing him without flinching or cringing! Why is it so hard with this guy? But at the same time, I can’t ignore the fact that I like having him around to call me, flirt with me and bring me out.
It’s important to be honest with yourself because it’s a sign of you loving yourself enough to not let yourself get hurt, as well as those around you. Examine your situation and try to figure out the problem if there is one. If there isn’t and you’re completely confident with the guy being ‘the one’ for you, then go ahead, get him ;) But if not, then it’s high time for you to be honest with yourself and let the whole “things like these don’t come by often” slip by you – hence why #3 is important in order for you to move on easily.
It’s a risk you have to take if you want to make yourself happy.
Hope these help! It certainly helped me! :)
If you’re currently getting to know someone, good on you! If you’re not and think that you are doomed to be alone forever, snap out of it! You’re beautiful and the only reason why you’re not going out with someone just yet is because the universe knows that you are kind of caught up with making your life awesome right now. Either that, or you’re gay and you swing to the other side ;)
Whatever it is, I think your beautiful and people who don’t see that are not worth crying on! Seriously!