Jasmine’s Guide To Online Dating (Pt. 2): Online Dating 101; Q&A

Here are some Q&A thing that I think would be helpful for you if you ever plan to go into online dating or just meeting people online for the first come.

ONLINE DATING 101

1. I find him/her interesting but I don’t know how to start a conversation in my message!

Read their profile and pick one thing about them that stand out the most for you and talk about it in your message. For example, if he likes poetry, bring that up in your message.

“Hi, I see that you like poetry. Do you write or read them? It’s always interesting to know someone who likes poetry, you don’t find that a lot of people who are into poetry these days.”

2. It has been one week now and he/she has not reply to my message yet! Should I send him/her another message?

The answer is no, especially when you see that the message has been sent. You could see sent messages in your sent message box to really determine whether he/she got your message or not. Maybe they’re just busy or maybe they are just genuinely not interested in you. If so, move on.

But if you are really into getting to know them, you can send a second message but that’s about it! Don’t send too many messages or you will come across as being desperate and needy. Nothing says unattractive than being desperate and needy!

He’s not replying you? Ignore and move on!

3. How can I stand out more than the rest of the guys in the site? I want her to notice me and probably, find me interesting enough to reply to me message.

I personally find humour and wit attractive, and I’m pretty picky with grammar as well. But that’s just me. I guess the most important thing is that you inject some humour in your message and just be you, you know? Don’t try too hard and keep the conversation/ message going. One liners suck by the way.

What are one liners?

You: Hi.

Her: Hey, what’s up?

You: Not much. You?

Her: Nothing.

…….

Boring!

4. I’m not interested in him but he keeps on sending me messages. How can I make him go away? 

I would either choose to ignore their messages and keep ignoring or send them a message straight up about me not being interested in them. Nobody likes to waste time on someone who doesn’t care about them, so it’s always good to tell them straight up that you’re not interested so both you and him can move on with your lives.

But obviously, he/she does not play a role in your life and he/she is not important enough for you to care about. So don’t over think about things. If ignoring is your game, then be it. But it’s always nice to get a heads up.

5. He/She’s asking if he/she can add me up on Facebook. Should I?

It’s all up to you! But for safety sake, I would choose not to unless you are extremely comfortable with them. I never add anybody I don’t know or barely know to my Facebook account because it’s personal; only for friends and family.

Don’t let them pressure you into adding them, ever. Tell them that you’ve deactivated your account or that you only add people you know personally. If they still force you, then it might be time to stop talking to them. You don’t need unnecessary drama to keep your brain busy.

He’s not your type but you’re his? How to say no and mean it.

6. Should I talk to him/her on Skype, YM or MSN then? How about Whatsapp? Or BBM? Is it safe to do that instead?

Again, this is totally up to you. If you are comfortable enough to share these information to him/her, then by all means. If you don’t want to share with them personal information about yourself (i.e., BBM pin, phone number or Skype/YM/MSN address), then why not create a throwaway/ disposable account instead?

I have a throwaway Skype account that I use to talk to people I barely know and another personal account that I talk to friends and family with. In my throwaway account, I do not put much details about myself; i.e., no details on which country/city I’m from, my email address, phone number, full name etc and I use a nickname for myself instead of my real name.

What is a throwaway account?
A throwaway account is basically an account where I can delete it any time without having any sentimental values attached to it.

7. What kind of information about myself can I tell him/her?

Speaking from a professional stalker (I kid you not, I am a very good stalker), the little yet specific details about someone can pretty much be just enough for someone to know everything about us; depending on what you and others share about yourself on the Internet.

If you have to disclose any information about yourself, remember to keep it very vague and not at all specific.

Where do you live – Kuala Lumpur (instead of Kepong)

Where do you go to school – In one of the universities in KL. Somewhere there.

What course do you take – Business (instead of BA in Finance and Commerce)

What do you work as – Dealing with accounts (instead of saying auditor for Chicken Wing Co.)

You know the drill! :)

Are you ready to meet him/her?

8. He’s asking to meet me out. Should I?

Only meet if you’re comfortable enough with the idea. Trust in your gut feeling. If you think it’s not safe to meet up or if you don’t feel like meeting up, then don’t. Don’t feel pressured or obliged to meet up with somebody, go with your own pace.

I have gotten to know tons of people (more than a hundred!) on the Internet but I have only met a handful of them who eventually became my close friends. Some of them took me more than 5 years to finally resort into meeting up in person. So don’t stress yourself!

9. We’re meeting up! What now?

Good on you! The most important thing to remember now is SAFETY FIRST!

– Meet in a public area or an area where you are most familiar with. (For example, a mall, cafe, restaurants etc…)

– Drive to the place or have someone drop you off so that you won’t depend on your date to send you. Remember, you don’t know him/her, so don’t take the risk! Unless you’re super duper comfortable and your gut is okay with it, then carpool with him/her. You drive perhaps?

First time meeting! What if he doesn’t like me or I don’t like him? Yikes!

10. This is my first time meeting him! In person! What if he doesn’t like me?

The biggest fear I have about online dating is the thought of having the actual ‘merchandise’ not being as ‘advertised’, if you know what I mean. It’s one thing to be worried about what the other person thinks about you when he/she meets you for the first time, it’s another when you don’t get what you thought you would get.

Which is why it is important for you to converse with each other through Skype (microphone AND webcam, mind you!) so that you would know whether both of you click.

But ultimately, the most important part about dating is to just be yourself, but of course, safe any disgusting and obnoxious bits that you do to yourself. Nobody wants to see that side of you just yet! Hehe.

Here are more online dating safety tips that I find useful! Some are repetitions of what I just said, but they’re more simplified responses.

Good luck!

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