Principle

prin·ci·ple

1. A fundamental truth or proposition that serves as a foundation of a system of belief or behaviour or for a chain of reasoning.

2. A rule or belief governing one’s behaviour.

I was thinking today about principles and what it means. A month ago, a friend threw this word at me as a reason as to why a relationship could not be ended.

Friend: “I just couldn’t! I have my principles to hold on!”

I find that absolutely ridiculous. Especially when it’s a matter of living a life of misery or not. Why would you want to live a life of misery just because of your ‘principles’?

But now I sort of get it.

I’m in the situation where I am going against my very own principle and I’m feeling guilty about it. I think about it every day. I keep thinking of all the things I should do to uphold this principle of mine even if it means that I should disrupt my happiness to make way to what I believe in strongly.

It’s wrong to think of such things but I keep hoping that bad things would happen. Well, nothing deadly, none of that. TOUCH WOOD. But something.

I keep thinking to myself, how does one live if there is constant guilt? You grow up planting and believing in something within yourself; a certain thought and belief, and here you are, not living up to that belief. I feel like I’m losing myself by not upholding this principle but how does one simply forget or even alter a principle when clearly, it could not be altered?

The only way for me to alter something is by having a blind eye over the matter. Just think that something is nothing despite knowing at the back of my mind that it is something after all.

This is depressing. I’m happy, yes. But is that all that matters when a part of me is telling me there something isn’t right with this happiness?

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