Confessions of a teenage girl.

November 7th, 2012

Dear diary,

I met this boy the other day. We hold hands for the first time. It wasn’t his first time, but it was mine. He didn’t cared if my hands were small or that I squealed here and there out of excitement, he was really enjoying holding my hand and I enjoyed holding his.

We hold hands the whole night.

When he was sending me home, I told him to drop me a few blocks from my house. I didn’t want momma to see me coming home with a boy. She would freak! We said our goodbyes and I started walking home. It was not that late. Probably half past ten or something like that.

While I was walking, I remembered that I was supposed to get milk for breakfast in the morning. So I stopped by the mini mart to get the milk and there he was, Mr. Clare John, my English teacher whom I had such a huge crush on.

We exchanged our hellos and he asked me what I was doing there that late and how I got there. I told him I was to get milk for breakfast and that I walked over there. He suggested that I should try out Omega Milk, a brand that momma didn’t like, but I got it anyway because he liked it and I want him to know that I like it too.

He offered my a lift home. As I figured that this was a great time to be alone with him, I agreed to follow him.

We walked to the counter, side by side. Almost perfect. I imagine him putting his hand on my shoulders lovingly and me smiling proudly while passing the rows of girls in school who too have a crush on him. It would be perfect, oh so perfect.

“Are you getting that?”

My fantasy was interrupted.

“What?” I asked.

“The milk, are you getting the milk?”

“Oh. Yes, sorry. Yes, I am.”

“Okay.” He took the milk from my hand before I could say anything.

We got into the car and he starts the engine. He explained to me that he was his daddy’s car and it needs a bit of heating before he can go because the car is old. Then out of nowhere, his hand touched my lips and my heart started to race.

“Sorry, there was something on your lips.” He said, casually. I felt my face burning, not in anger, but in excitement. He touched my face!

He started to drive. We didn’t speak much in the car on the way back, probably because both of us were tired, or maybe because we talked about everything there is to talk about in the mini mart just now.

When I reached home and saw that the house was dark, I instantly knew mama was yet to come and what do you know, I forgot my keys! Great, just great!

I explained to him my situation and that momma’s phone broke so she doesn’t have any phones to contact. I told him that I could just wait for her outside the house and proceeded to thank him for the ride, but he grabbed my hand as I was opening the door and told me to come back in.

“It’s cold outside and I don’t want you to get sick. Here’s a paper and pen. Tell your mother that you’re at my place and have her call my number if she comes back. Okay?”

I did what I was told and we went to Mr. John’s apartment. It wasn’t too far from my house, but we still needed the car to get there. I was nervous as hell to get into his apartment but excited at the same time. The girls at school would go crazy if they knew this was happening! And to me! Of all people!

After offering my some drink, we sat beside each other and talked more about school. I told him that a lot of girls in school have a crush on him. They even write “I love Clare John” on the walls of the ladies’ room and that I find it ridiculous and hilarious.

“Hmm.. Oh really now?” He said, eyebrows raised.

“Yes! It’s funny! Some of them even write on their books. That one time, a student, I shan’t mention her name, wrote a whole fantasy story on how you and her will get married. It’s awfully beautiful, but awfully creepy too!” I laughed.

He looked at me, well, more like observing me.

“Do you write about those fantasies too?” He said, curious.

I was stunned. I didn’t want to tell him. Well, I wanted to, but I didn’t want to seem like a creep.

“Of course not! I don’t write about getting married and stuff. That’s just pathetic!” I said instantly.

“Really now? So, what kind of things do you write about exactly?” He smiled. My heart started to race again. This is it! I told myself.

He came close to me and in an instant, the smell of his perfume overcame my nose. I wanted to sneeze, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment. So I hold it, even though I was dying to sneeze.

He slowly went down to my hand and touch it, caressing it almost.

“Your hands… They are so soft.” He said, almost whispering. “I bet they haven’t been touched yet, haven’t been held yet.”

“Not yet.” I said, lying.

He kissed my hand and my whole body became warm, so warm. I was so excited. He slowly hold my hands and by the time I could sink in what was happening, we were already holding hands. Our hands were so tight with each other, it felt different from the other boy just now. This was better.

We hold hands in the living room, in the kitchen and finally in the bedroom. At some point, our hands became dry from all that hand holding that we put lotion on our hands. It felt so good after putting on the lotion.

While we hold hands, I closed my eyes trying to sink in what was happening. I smiled.

“Okay J, we’re here.” I heard a voice.

I opened my eyes and there I was, in front of my house.

“You were sleeping just now. We’re here now. Is your mother home?”

I rubbed my eyes and look around. I was indeed in front of my house. I looked out and saw that the lights were on. I can’t believe it was all a dream!

“Uhm.. I don’t think my momma’s home. Maybe I should just stay in your house, her phone is broken so I can’t call her.” I lied. I wanted the dream to become a reality. I wanted us to hold hands.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, J. Let’s just wait here until your mother comes home. She might be worried sick of you.”

So we sat there. Awkward silence filled the air. I hated the feeling. I hated the silence. I couldn’t stand it much longer.

“You know what, I think momma is at home after all. I saw someone walking in the house. Thank you for sending me home Mr. John.” I opened the door and trying to get up. All of the sudden, I feel him grabbing my hand.

“Wait!” He said. My heart sank. He’s going to kiss me! Or maybe, he’s going to give me a hug! Or, I don’t know… Tell him to hang in his apartment until he is sure that momma’s home? OMG!

I looked at him and affectionately I said, “Yes, Mr. John?” Smiling at him while dreamily looking into his beautiful green eyes.

“You forgot your milk.”

Fuck! I knew it was too good to be true.

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