Have you, while in the midst of doing something (cleaning, cooking etc…) when all of the sudden, sudden rush of thoughts and memories flood your head and you just can’t stop thinking about them? Out of the blue, the ‘what if’ and ‘should I’ start to play around in your head. It’s not as if you were specifically thinking of some of the things that came through your mind, they just, you know, came into your brain unannounced.
As you go about your day, suddenly a scene from the past is played in your head and you wonder whether things would be different if you were to act a certain way or choose to be with certain people. It makes you either sad, angry or guilty, or probably all of the above. You start to wonder whether you made the right choices and even if you know that you did, it did not stop you from thinking otherwise.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, but all this time alone to myself is making me go insane for a bit. I can’t stop thinking about people and places, of the heartbreak and secrets… I mean, you go to lengths to make everyone happy or sad (without them knowing that you are actually protecting them from something) and yet here you are, feeling guilty for holding back some of the truths.