We all learn something as we grow up. Many of us learn it the hard way and it takes these hard ways to shake us up and have this self-revelation thing. These are mine.
1. Never assume
This is my one thing that I hold on to and urge that you do it too. I wrote an anti-poem about assuming a few days ago out of frustration when a friend ‘assumed’ things about me. It tattered our relationship for a bit which was painful. I knew assumptions ruin relationships and often put me in hot soup, so I stopped doing it and start asking. I asked so much fearing that I probably misheard some things, or that I asked because I needed a clearer instruction. It made people annoyed with me which I much rather happen than to have myself wronged for something out of a product of assumption.
It (not assuming) had saved my ass so much, thus far.
2. Not everyone is impressed by your humour
Do not think that just because your normal clique of friends think that your sick perverted joke is funny, your other (new) friends/ acquaintances think so too. I found this the hard way when I purposely injected some jokes about the beauty of porn and how I like some porn over the other as a way to overcome an awkward silence with a friend whom I knew from university. She was an acquaintance that I knew since our first year in uni. This ‘smart’ move to make everyone laugh during our group outing led to me getting an incredibly horrible eye rolling and ‘you’re so dumb’ look from her which made me feel so stupid and down the whole time we were out.
Of course, I started assuming that she hates my guts and didn’t talk to her for quite sometime. I eventually ignored my feelings of intimidation and bounced back as myself again, minus the whole sick perverted joke to which she responded positively, not that I cared to be honest (by then).
3. Make time for your loved ones
Death of a loved one changes you. When my great-grandfather passed away in 2009, it was my first time experiencing death of a close family member. It made me realize how short life is and how I needed to step up my game and spend more time with my loved ones. So I started spending time with my family as much as I can and doing things that I don’t necessarily like, which includes: go with grandma for her detox thing, vase hunting with mom, visit my grandparents often, driving both my grandma and mom around, go do gardening stuff etc.
The one thing that I’m glad I did was visiting my grandfather as often as I can, especially when I come back from university (I study half across the country from my hometown). We don’t talk a lot, we just mostly sit there and watch his Chinese films, but that didn’t matter, I wanted to be there. When he passed away last October, I was devastated. What made things bearable was that I knew I spent as much time as I can with him so I have no regrets at all. I can still hear him telling me over and over about how proud he is of me and I carry that memory with me wherever I go.
4. Wake up early (a.k.a. get your shit together)
Waking up at 2pm is probably cute when you’re 16, but when you’re 28 (or 38 or 48), it just sounds sad. I am no morning person. I hate it. It’s disgusting. It’s a horrible creation. BUT you can’t deny that it is the most important time of the day where amazing things happen. Successful people such as, wake up super early.
If you want to fulfill something, you need to wake up early, unless of course, you work on night shift. I remember in high school during one of those long one-month break, I felt that the day went by too quickly and my holiday was ending. It dawned on me that me waking up at 12pm everyday meant that I already lost half of my day which made time pass by so fast. So I woke up slightly early at 9am. It’s no 5am, but at least my day is more ‘longer’ and I could do more stuff!
5. Create a more positive and safe cyber space for yourself
Your surrounding is important. Where you live, who you’re with and what you do dictate how you feel and view about yourself and about things in general. Nowadays, the ‘real’ world isn’t the only place that you need to care for. Your cyber world is just as important too and as Gen-Ys and Zs, we of all people understand this fully having spent half if not most of our lives ‘plugged in’.
Your online activity and persona is one that is important and personal because it is a space where you can be just about anybody and portray yourself to be whoever you want to be. The cyber space is a space where you can be lost in, or influenced by, so it is incredibly important that you create a positive space for you to ‘live’ in.
Facebook is a good example on how you can feel crappy about things in a matter of seconds seeing all those depressing status updates from your friends or feel angry seeing how fake people can be online when you know how they actually are in real life.
I.e., “I hate fake people. I am going to step away from all these fake people and live my life to the fullest!” Said super fake rich friend who hangs with only popular people and dumps them when their popularity went away. *rolls eyes*
You don’t need people like this to clutter your mind. You see this people everyday on your news feed, so why torture yourself? My suggestion? Mute them. Mute friends who give you bad vibes if you don’t want to completely rid of them fearing that they will ‘fight’ back against you. In the real world, you can just ignore them because you don’t meet them that much anyway, but when you’re plugged in to their lives, it’s hard to ignore because you see them every single fucking day and it’s just so fucking annoying.
So, shut them up with just one click and enjoy that peace of mind that you have longed for. Or better yet, delete them, block them, do everything and anything. You don’t deserve their negativity.
There you go! Let me know if you have any lessons that you would like to share!