These are genuine friends whom I genuinely have fun with.
I feel the need to clarify that to myself sometimes, especially whenever I see these pictures of me having fun with these bunch of amazing people because 17-year old me would never have believed that I would achieve this level of coolness. That in order for me to be in this situation, I would have to force myself to be with people I barely know, who spend a bit too much of their parents’ money on fun and who you need to suck up to so that they would accept you (or seemingly accept you) to be in their clique.
I went through that phase before. I guess at one point, we all did, especially the many of us who try to fit in to the more ‘cool’ crowd so that we won’t feel left out.
I suppose if there’s one thing I could tell my past self is that I shouldn’t feel pressured to be cool. There was a point in my life where I was contemplating on being with people I barely know and who do not appreciate me enough to call me their friend, who were not there when I needed them and who made me feel like shit about myself.
My past self should know that there is no shame in telling friends that you are broke even if you know that they are never broke because they are just a bit more lucky than you financially. Nobody, not even the most beautiful and richest person around, should not make you feel any less of yourself because we are all fortunate in our own little way; me with my sassy, diva-esque personality; them with their RM10k worth of car and yearly trips to Paris, England or somewhere exotic like Sicily. (Not referring to anyone here by the way)
So here’s a secret. While you are in the pursuit of being cool, never forget to appreciate the cool that you already have within you, which is yourself. Because once you realize how cool you are and stop chasing the stereotypical definition of cool, only then would you create your own pool of cool with genuine friends who are equally as cool if not more. Together, you and them will be cool. It just takes time and patience is all.
Always acknowledge the green grass on your side too and start planting flowers while you’re at it.
It’s never easy to appreciate what you have now, heck, I’m still struggling, but looking back at all these pictures made me realize that my life isn’t THAT bad, so yeah. That’s pretty cool :)