I revisited my old blog – a blog I made as a 15-year-old late November of ’05.
It was awkward to visit myself again. I was at a point where I just couldn’t wait to grow up having been departed from two previous blogs I made when I was 11 and 13. I figured, the only way for me to appear grown up was to talk about all things sexual. Hence words such as ‘kinky’, ‘porn’, ‘horny’, ‘XXX’, ‘fucking’, and ‘sexy’ were used and reused without a second thought.
December 15, 2005 – 15 years old
“my sister went for carol practise. i was suppose to go as well, but too lazy. so here i am. alone and feeling extremely kinky as usual. too bad my johnny bravo is busy rite now.”
I guess I find my teenage self somewhat interesting. Cringe-worthy, yes, but interesting nonetheless. It was a process of me growing up; a way for me to escape my real life insecurities by masking it with a really tough and sarcastic persona, albeit sexual.
December 24, 2008 – 18 years old
Blog title: “Sofia Legend Inspires Me” (in bold and big glaring words)
Oh shoot me now. Reading this, as a 24 year-old feminist now, makes me want to build a time machine, go back to 2008 and slap myself in the face and give myself a long ass lecture on how you’re not suppose to look at soft core pornstars as role models. I suppose, ‘INSPIRE’ is a strong word to use. My definition of inspiration today are women like Aung Saan Su Kyi, Lupita Nyong’o or Kimora Lee Simmons.
‘Fascination’ would be the correct word for my interest in S. L. as I thought it was interesting of her to showcase another side of her and how I secretly wanted to do that too, but obviously, I couldn’t because that would just be toooo insane for me. But yeah. Fascination is the word.
By the way…
Yeah, that happened and please, ignore the over the top eye make-up. It was my first real event with celebrity sightings!
But young me was not too bad. Ages 19 and above, I was quite, well, insightful. ‘i’s were proper ‘I’s, ‘rite’ was spelled as ‘right’, and I became more, how should I say, reflective.
February 21, 2010 – 20 years old
“…Anyway, I wonder if people were the person they portray on their blog. I read blogs, good blogs. Those intellectual blogs that only twisted, mindless freaks like myself would read as a way to fill up the void in my uncertain and occasionally fucked up brain. I wonder if these people, these geniuses as I like to oddly proclaim them (although, they should be gods), are the type of people who observes and dissects people in real life just like how they would in the cyber world. I bet they do, or else, where would they find their inspiration?”
Not too bad. *pats self*
Nowadays, I’m rather boring, I think. I spend less time exploring other blogs (blogs that I find inspirational in the past) and more time just being a university student. Boring, I know. I care less about how I write and more about what I write, which is sad since I know I can play around with words better than how I’m writing now (as in, this post right now). I just need to tap into my philosophical self to bring out sexy glasses-on, smoking hot, librarian/secretary me. Haha! Mmmmmm.
Jokes aside, I do get extremely jealous seeing how other people could flawlessly write beautifully without worrying about not being inspired by other people. In the case of me, I NEED to be inspired by other people’s writing to be able to tap into my ‘philosophical self’, if there is one. I’d like to think that there is! I guess that’s what makes some of my stuff special, I just wish that that specialness comes ALL THE DAMN TIME.
I’m rambling now.
(P.S.: If you’re interested to visit my old blog, you can’t unfortunately. I have decided, long before I started THIS BLOG SPARKLES, to lock that part of my life now and set it on private for my own guilty pleasure to revisit now and then. I’m sure you’d be interested to dig out juicy details of me in the past, but trust me, like I said, I’m a bore. *wink*)