A few months ago, I got out of a long term relationship. It took me another few more months before deciding that I should probably throw myself out there again.
Naturally, Tinder came into the picture. I’ve heard so much about it so I thought I’d give it a try. (Hey, why not!)
Here are 20 lessons that I’ve learned from using Tinder (in no particular order).
Be careful what you write on your profile, your friends, colleagues or boss might come across it. Unless you’re traveling and Tindering, then who cares what you write on there!
Not everyone takes Tinder seriously, so don’t get too bothered if they don’t reply you.
It’s a pretty cool ‘dating’ app to vet out unwanted messages from weirdos or people you are not attracted to.
It’s also a pretty cool app to use when to meet locals while you’re traveling. (I should use it when I travel tbh)
On that note, as a local, you get to meet travelers visiting your city (major plus to living in exotic Borneo). I love showing people around my city, plus, it’s always fun to hear their travel stories too.
There aren’t many choices on Tinder in KK unfortunately. 3 swipes and you’re done for the day!
Important Tinder lesson: Tinder, just like dating, is a game. So, don’t get too attached with anyone you meet there. You may potentially get hurt or disappointed and tbh, it’s not worth it.
Just… PLAY.IT.COOL. Yes he’s hot, but don’t fully commit yourself to someone, it may come across as being weird or trying too hard.
Protection is key (you know what I mean). Make sure you have your own too!
PAY FOR YOUR OWN MEALS. It’s 2016! Who waits for a guy to pay for your food?? It may be a date, but nothing screams sexy than a woman taking care of herself! If he does insist on paying, then cool, if not, then you know what to do!
Stop going out of your way to provide for them. You’re not their SO and you barely know them. Be nice and help out where you can, but don’t impose. They’re not your responsibility.
Learn some valuable skills while you’re at it. Flirting for example (amongst other things) is a great skill to practice with your date.
Yes, you can make friends through Tinder (eventually), but remember what Tinder is about. It’s first and foremost a hook up app and people who get on there may expect sex (spoiler alert!). Not all, but most do. So keep that in mind when your date pulls the whole “want to have some fun?”
Getting matched with someone who is way out of your league isn’t too bad, especially if just like me, you’re shit at approaching cute guys in real life social settings.
I’ve met some really cool guys on Tinder, many of which I’ve became good friends with and still keep in touch via social media.
However, don’t get offended if someone does not want to keep in touch with you, even if both of you had a great connection. They have their reasons, I guess. It’s a shitty fact, but it happens.
Getting ghosted or stood up is part of the dating/Tinder game and it sucks balls.
You’ll definitely have some interesting Tinder stories to tell your friends – or date! Talking about them definitely makes a great conversation during the date.
Always make your safety a priority. Whether you’ve known them for a day or a month, it’s still very important to put your safety a priority when you do meet them in person. You know how this goes – meet at a public place, tell people where you are at, give them emergency number etc. Safety first!
Have fun! No experience is bad experience; everyone you meet, everything you experienced, it all contribute to you learning about yourself. I for one definitely learned a lot about myself and of others through this whole Tinder journey and that’s pretty awesome. (Lol at journey)
Do you have anything to put on the list? Share your thoughts by commenting below!
Disclaimer: Thoughts expressed on this post are of author’s own personal opinion. By the way, I understand that Mother’s Day just ended, but I’ve been thinking about posting this for the longest time, so here it is!
+ + + + + +
“Don’t have sex before marriage because if you do, he will leave you. These men only want to use you for your body and that’s it.”
This sounds all too familiar. I remember my mom telling me this when I was growing up. She means well, of course, that I am sure. Now, although this may be an important advice to a much younger me, as an adult however, I find this advice problematic.
Here’s another one.
“Be careful of who you hang out with, especially boys. They may put stuff in your drink and do things to you. Be careful not to leave your drinks unattended.”
Don’t get m wrong. Yes, there is truth in this. It’s obvious from all the reports that we see, but advices like this makes me confused, annoyed, paranoid and scared, all at the same time. Yes, bad people exist. Yes, there are bad men out there, but there are also bad women. Yes, women are more at risk than men, but the question remains…
What about the good men in our lives?
We so focused and introduced over and over again on the bad men in our lives; men who will potentially hurt, use and abuse you, but we rarely, if ever, appreciate the men that do not hurt you.
What about the good men who will treat you nice, who will appreciate you for who you are, who will care and protect you, who makes you feel good and beautiful and will always be there for you? What about them?
You see, we tell our daughters how to protect themselves from bad people that we forgot the good people that they will surround themselves with or potentially surround themselves with. Believe me, there are plenty of good people in this world – women AND men. Surprise, surprise. So, why don’t we prepare our girls for that too?
“Damn! Mom didn’t prepare me for this. She keeps telling me of the bad guys I meet, but this guy is amazing. So like… WHAT NOW?!”
Good men exist and have always existed, we forget about them and not appreciate them enough. (I speak on behalf of myself, and it may or may not be applied to you).
+ + + + + +
I guess what I’m trying to say in this post is… STOP BEING AFRAID.
Stop being paranoid and think that you will always get hurt or that you will always meet bad men in your life because believe me, they are plenty good ones, you just don’t realize it.
If you keep meeting bad men in your life or keep having bad men as a partner, then maybe it’s not the men that you should blame, it’s yourself(?). Just a thought my two cents. Understand yourself and your environment, identify what is wrong with either one. If your family has shitty male (and female) relatives, then stay away. Say hi and bye, but try not going ‘beyond’ it, try not having a ‘normal’ relationship with them because negative energy should be avoided, family or not.
We often take things for granted. We identify bad things (and people) in our lives so easily and complain about negative things that we let these things and emotions overpower all the other MANY good things that happens in our lives. Most importantly, we ignore the great men in our lives.
Big hugs to all the wonderful men in my life and yours.
Big love to all the dads, brothers, boyfriends, best guy friends, uncles, grandfathers, grand-uncles, relatives, cousins, friends, strangers and many more! Thank you for your love, care and support.
In a nutshell: This post is about being grateful for being alive. However, at any point of your life, that (being alive) will be taken away from you, so you better not fuck it up and live life to the fullest. No YOLO bullshit where you do really stupid things just because ‘you only live once’, but REAL things that makes your life worthwhile.
Warning: Cussing and possible ranting and sarcasm in post (if you didn’t already get the hint in the ‘in a nutshell’ memo lol).
So lately, I don’t know. I’ve been feeling this urge to want to do shit loads of things but problem is, I don’t know how to go about them. It’s no secret that I want to pursue my Master’s degree and that is definitely something I would love to do, but I have no idea how to go about it. Finances are a bit slim these days (haven’t they always?).
I guess part of this urge is due to the realization that we are all going to be fucked one day.
Let me explained.
I’ve read so many news, SO SO many news over the past few years about how death or accidents happen just like that. It doesn’t matter whether you are the prettiest or most successful woman around who recently had (or about to have) a beautiful fairy tale wedding or that you’re this normal person living your normal average life… It doesn’t matter, because SHIT.JUST.HAPPENS and that’s just SUPER scary to think about!
Reading all these news about death happening is depressing. I mean, yeah, I know death happens but you’d always think that it happens to old and sick people, but then it doesn’t. It happens to everyone.
Whenever I hear stories of someone younger than me die whether due to illness or sudden death, I get extremely sad. It’s the same thing when you realized that people your age are getting married (I’m THAT old?) or someone younger than you becomes this really important celebrity (I’m THAT fucking old????). So hearing someone younger than you passing on, it just gets a little bit weird and sad because you’d think that death often (and exclusively) happens to older people. Whether natural or not, we’ve always been conditioned to think that death or being sick doesn’t happen to the young, you know?
It’s always, “Oh, I can pursue my dreams in the future. I’m still young!” But you never know!
It’s more depressing when they (the young ones) choose to die. Honestly, I’m not entirely sad because of their choice (to take their own lives, though still very horrible!) but I’m sad about the story being what led them to that choice. People can be fucking assholes sometimes. I wonder if the bullies feel remorse for driving someone to kill themselves.
But really though – and I apologize if this is not your regular short post – I feel so blessed with the life I have right now; blessed enough to not fuck it up. I mean, sure, I can be a rude and ungrateful to many close people in my live (I’M SORRY) and sure, I don’t have a perfect life, but I’m still alive aren’t I? …And I’m doing and admiring the things that I love. I’m still here to feel and appreciate everything – even the little things, like the breeze that’s hitting my face right now or the fact that I have all this alone undisturbed time for myself at work.
I wake up everyone morning thanking my stars that I am still around; that I’m still alive and well. This feeling makes me be ready to take over the world – especially on days like today (hence why you see me writing long or writing anything at all).
So basically, what I’m trying to say is… (before I got rudely cut off by some scam phone call by a guy who says he was from the bank which apparently after Googling the number, found out that it was a scam!!)
BE THANKFUL, BE HAPPY, BE POSITIVE, BE AMAZING, BE GRATEFUL, JUST BE.
As a young adult now, I’ve learnt to not make people like me. I mean, I still do that but I make sure that those people are positive people, people who are worth hanging out with, people who are worth sacrificing for. I eventually learn to stop living up to what people want me to be, but have them fit in in what I want a friend to be like instead. (does that make sense?)
I mean, this rule also applies to dating. If I was ever dating someone new again (I’m currently in a relationship now, but you know, IF), I would stop being worried about what that person would think of me and have them be worried whether or not I will like them. Judging from past experiences, it was me who was disappointed with the men I meet instead of them being disappointed with me. So me = WIN!
SO SCREW THE WORLD. SCREW NEGATIVITY. Just be you.
Just pursue whatever you want to pursue, be whomever you want to be and take whatever you want to take, because honey, you’ll be dead tomorrow anyway.
(Again, no YOLO shit ok. None of that. Change the world, make good choices.)
Yes, FOUR. How? Why? Well, I think it has a lot to do with me trying to not freak myself out as much for not knowing that I want to do in life.
People say you tend to figure out about things after graduating from university. Sure, but not for everyone. For the most part, some of us are still figuring out and trying to see where we fit and stuff.
So how do you figure out?
I believe in waiting for the next big thing to come knocking at your door, but don’t wait too long. Reality check, it may or may not come. Sometimes you get a big break, other times, you need to do a lot in order to get (and know) that big break. It’s better to go out there and find it, what I think.
For the second half of 2014, right after university, I was basically figuring things out. I was traveling a lot (‘traveling’ meant going back to my second home; KL – I was and still is based in KK) despite not having much money, though I saved as much as I can from my monthly pocket money thanks to my parents – less than RM300 a month. Other times when I’m back in KK, I would stay at home, a lot, and do the normal things that jobless people do – eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
When December rolled in and I basically still didn’t know what I wanted to do – I mean, I had an idea but you know, I wasn’t sure – I knew I had to start the new year with at least a paying job. So I managed to secure a part time job and one thing let to another, I now have 4 part time jobs that covers a few hours of my weekends and weekday nights. Pretty insane but pretty cool too actually.
Now, whenever people ask me what I do for a living, I can proudly say I have 4 jobs; part time jobs, sure, but jobs. That’s always a great conversation starter, hah!
Bare in mind, if you do plan to have multiple jobs (part time or not), make sure you can keep up to it! I survived Week 1, so I guess that’s okay. (I GUESS!)
My 2015 resolution is ‘GROWTH‘.
Honestly, I don’t know what growth I am aiming for this year, but at least I am getting paid for it. Wink wink! Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean.
I am still new at this whole 4 jobs thing, but I’ve friends who were in the same boat as me and they pretty much threw themselves out there and one thing led to another, they found their ‘calling’ and the rest is history! It’s that snowball effect, you know. You start here, then you get to know some people, get into some things and liked it, pursue it further and make it into a passion. Now one of them earn a 5 figure income! WHOA!
It’s all about experimenting, people! Keeping things exciting ;)
That nails tho! Hehe.
Anyway, wherever you are and whatever you do this point of your life, and no matter whether you’ve figured things out or have not, I wish you the all the best! ♥
I have a hard time of letting go strangers, especially strangers that I find extremely interesting and those that I click well with. I never know whether it’s a good or bad thing really, to ask for their contact details as we say our goodbyes. Who knows, we might end up being the best of friends?
I often question myself, “Would it be weird if I asked for their Facebook profiles? I barely know them, would they want me in their friend list? Would I want them in mine?”
When we do add each other on Facebook, nothing happens. An occasional hello is customary for the first few weeks or months, but that’s about it. One, two years down, we would have become strangers. It would be a lot harder now to rekindle our friendship then. In fact, a simple out of the blue hello is mistaken for a deed in need.
Because of this (and as bitter as this sounds), I choose to not take things ever so personally. Everyone I meet, though however brief but rich our experience was with each other, I make it a point to not pursue a potential friendship. “It’s not important,”I thought to myself. “You may think it’s important now, but it’s not in the future,”And that is, unfortunately, often true. Unless of course you know that that person would elevate your career somehow, then by all means…
(Side note: Isn’t it sad that a potential friendship is measured by who we add on our social media sites? Facebook do not and must not dictate the status of our friendship based on if that person is in our friend list or not, but unfortunately, they sort of kind of do. Ok well, not really but we can be very desperate and petty. “PLEASE ADD ME, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!” – desperate much?)
It’s the same with friends whom I think I would be upset to lose but I won’t, eventually. The unfortunate thing is of course, knowing that friends come and go and they often do. The beauty behind it however that as old friends go, new friends enter. There were so many times where I became terrified of the thought of a close friend leaving me physically and emotionally, perhaps they go back to their countries and I will be forever without them, but eventually things became easier to cope.
“At least there’s Facebook to keep in touch with,”I’d tell myself.
So things aren’t as scary as they used be any more, I guess. I let go easily now and I also don’t force people to ‘be with me’ if they don’t want to.
I meet people, I greet them and I walk away. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I meet someone that I really click with and we exchange contacts and end up meeting each other a few times, sincerely enjoying each other’s company.
Now, that’s a good and healthy stranger-friendship!
I am not an avid traveler, but I do travel. In fact, I make it a point to travel to somewhere near once a year, or more if my bank account allows me to. But for now, once a year is good.
2013 marked the beginning of my ‘once a year’ travel promise that I made to myself. I started at Laos with a budget of RM600 for my whole 5 days, 4 nights trip. Then in 2014, it was Manila, Philippines with a budget of RM300 (just because I callously did not bank out money for my trip and it just so happens that ALL the ATMs in the airport was down prior to my flight :/) for 4 days, 3 nights.
So, how did I manage to travel (and survive) on such tight budget?
1. Be realistic
Choose countries that you know you can afford. As much as we would like to travel to another continent all together, sometimes, our monthly income or savings do not permit us to do so, especially if you have plans to travel within the year. If you don’t mind being patient and save up for a few years in order for you to travel, then that’s awesome! But if you are someone like me who is impatiently and always ready for an adventure wherever that adventure maybe but know very well that you can’t afford some of the countries you had in mind, don’t let that put you down. Choose another country that is very much affordable for you and make a point to visit them.
I use to think that countries in South East Asia are the same as that of Malaysia. We are neighbours after all, what difference would it make anyway? But boy, was I wrong! My first trip to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam made all the difference!
Sometimes, visiting a country in your own continent is not that bad at all! You learn a lot and get to experience a lot too! My friend Alvin and his sister, Audrey, spent three weeks backpacking in Indochina and they had great fun! I would love to do that too one of these days! Fingers cross!
Why not go a step further and travel in your own country! Go do normal touristy things or go for an international festival that is hosted in your own country! That’s always fun!
2. Change your lifestyle
Want to save money for your travels but don’t know how? Easy, change your lifestyle. I heard a friend said once and this is me putting what she said in my own words,
“People who travel a lot aren’t well off, they just have different priorities. While you spend on things like clothes and fancy eats, they save up for their next trip.”
I think this is pretty self explanatory.
Backpacking is definitely the way to travel, especially if you’re still young and capable to do just that! I have saved a TON of money by backpacking; staying in dorms or cheap (but safe) hotels with shared bathroom and toilets. I don’t need the luxury when I travel, what I need is the experience of the travel!
Best part about backpacking is that you get to meet new lifelong friends who you can share travel stories and experiences with! I made so much friends from backpacking, it’s insane! We still keep in touch via Facebook!
Keyword here ladies and gentlemen, BACKPACK!
4. Be one of the locals!
Another way to enjoy your travel is by learning more about the place that you are traveling in. This does not only include going to the museums but also actually be one of the locals by indulging in as much culture as you can while saving some money doing just that!
Food is definitely the best way to get to know a country. Opt for street food instead of your normal fast food joint. Come on, you can get McDonalds back home, why travel all the way to a new country and try out the same thing?
Street foods are not only cheap, but very yummy too! If you have a sensitive tummy, then come prepared. Have your medication with you at all time and most importantly, choose clean eateries to eat in. Be careful on where and what type of food you consume, you don’t want to spend the rest of your trip being sick! In saying this however, street foods are a definite must in any country you visit!
Then there’s the public transport. When we were in Manila, we took the jeepney everywhere we go. It was our number one go-to travel ride as taxi were expensive. Plus, we did a whole lot of walking while we’re there so comfy shoes is a number one priority while traveling!
Bonus tip: Travel for free! (Well, kinda!)
In 2010, I got a chance of a lifetime to travel to England to attend the Young Women World Forum under the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS). Not only was I given the chance to meet inspiring young women my own age from various parts of the world, but I also got to travel to England, which was pretty darn awesome!
As much as I had the doors opened for me, I knew I had to have a little push to get the funds in. I had to work extra hard to earn the trust and respect of people who eventually was kind enough to donate and sponsor for my trip. If you want kind help, you need to work for it! I was super glad I was able to go in the end and represented Malaysia (and Sabah!) internationally!
There are many similar programs, forums or conferences that you can join that enables you to travel to different parts of the world for free or at a minimal cost. I know a friend spent her whole secondary school and university by attending different forums and conferences to not only travel, but also filling up her resume with all these wonderful and rich experiences.
Many of these programs are either fully or partially paid for one way or another. Please check each individual programs for full details. There are many other programs that are similar to these too, Google them!
Best yet, why not travel with your school? I know that many colleges and universities offer cultural exchange-type trips for students. In fact, I will be going to Makassar and Toraja this November for a study trip under my university!
So the quote, “Where there is a will, there is a way” may just ring true for many of us.