A few months ago, I got out of a long term relationship. It took me another few more months before deciding that I should probably throw myself out there again.
Naturally, Tinder came into the picture. I’ve heard so much about it so I thought I’d give it a try. (Hey, why not!)
Here are 20 lessons that I’ve learned from using Tinder (in no particular order).
Be careful what you write on your profile, your friends, colleagues or boss might come across it. Unless you’re traveling and Tindering, then who cares what you write on there!
Not everyone takes Tinder seriously, so don’t get too bothered if they don’t reply you.
It’s a pretty cool ‘dating’ app to vet out unwanted messages from weirdos or people you are not attracted to.
It’s also a pretty cool app to use when to meet locals while you’re traveling. (I should use it when I travel tbh)
On that note, as a local, you get to meet travelers visiting your city (major plus to living in exotic Borneo). I love showing people around my city, plus, it’s always fun to hear their travel stories too.
There aren’t many choices on Tinder in KK unfortunately. 3 swipes and you’re done for the day!
Important Tinder lesson: Tinder, just like dating, is a game. So, don’t get too attached with anyone you meet there. You may potentially get hurt or disappointed and tbh, it’s not worth it.
Just… PLAY.IT.COOL. Yes he’s hot, but don’t fully commit yourself to someone, it may come across as being weird or trying too hard.
Protection is key (you know what I mean). Make sure you have your own too!
PAY FOR YOUR OWN MEALS. It’s 2016! Who waits for a guy to pay for your food?? It may be a date, but nothing screams sexy than a woman taking care of herself! If he does insist on paying, then cool, if not, then you know what to do!
Stop going out of your way to provide for them. You’re not their SO and you barely know them. Be nice and help out where you can, but don’t impose. They’re not your responsibility.
Learn some valuable skills while you’re at it. Flirting for example (amongst other things) is a great skill to practice with your date.
Yes, you can make friends through Tinder (eventually), but remember what Tinder is about. It’s first and foremost a hook up app and people who get on there may expect sex (spoiler alert!). Not all, but most do. So keep that in mind when your date pulls the whole “want to have some fun?”
Getting matched with someone who is way out of your league isn’t too bad, especially if just like me, you’re shit at approaching cute guys in real life social settings.
I’ve met some really cool guys on Tinder, many of which I’ve became good friends with and still keep in touch via social media.
However, don’t get offended if someone does not want to keep in touch with you, even if both of you had a great connection. They have their reasons, I guess. It’s a shitty fact, but it happens.
Getting ghosted or stood up is part of the dating/Tinder game and it sucks balls.
You’ll definitely have some interesting Tinder stories to tell your friends – or date! Talking about them definitely makes a great conversation during the date.
Always make your safety a priority. Whether you’ve known them for a day or a month, it’s still very important to put your safety a priority when you do meet them in person. You know how this goes – meet at a public place, tell people where you are at, give them emergency number etc. Safety first!
Have fun! No experience is bad experience; everyone you meet, everything you experienced, it all contribute to you learning about yourself. I for one definitely learned a lot about myself and of others through this whole Tinder journey and that’s pretty awesome. (Lol at journey)
Do you have anything to put on the list? Share your thoughts by commenting below!
Yes, FOUR. How? Why? Well, I think it has a lot to do with me trying to not freak myself out as much for not knowing that I want to do in life.
People say you tend to figure out about things after graduating from university. Sure, but not for everyone. For the most part, some of us are still figuring out and trying to see where we fit and stuff.
So how do you figure out?
I believe in waiting for the next big thing to come knocking at your door, but don’t wait too long. Reality check, it may or may not come. Sometimes you get a big break, other times, you need to do a lot in order to get (and know) that big break. It’s better to go out there and find it, what I think.
For the second half of 2014, right after university, I was basically figuring things out. I was traveling a lot (‘traveling’ meant going back to my second home; KL – I was and still is based in KK) despite not having much money, though I saved as much as I can from my monthly pocket money thanks to my parents – less than RM300 a month. Other times when I’m back in KK, I would stay at home, a lot, and do the normal things that jobless people do – eat, sleep, rave, repeat.
When December rolled in and I basically still didn’t know what I wanted to do – I mean, I had an idea but you know, I wasn’t sure – I knew I had to start the new year with at least a paying job. So I managed to secure a part time job and one thing let to another, I now have 4 part time jobs that covers a few hours of my weekends and weekday nights. Pretty insane but pretty cool too actually.
Now, whenever people ask me what I do for a living, I can proudly say I have 4 jobs; part time jobs, sure, but jobs. That’s always a great conversation starter, hah!
Bare in mind, if you do plan to have multiple jobs (part time or not), make sure you can keep up to it! I survived Week 1, so I guess that’s okay. (I GUESS!)
My 2015 resolution is ‘GROWTH‘.
Honestly, I don’t know what growth I am aiming for this year, but at least I am getting paid for it. Wink wink! Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean.
I am still new at this whole 4 jobs thing, but I’ve friends who were in the same boat as me and they pretty much threw themselves out there and one thing led to another, they found their ‘calling’ and the rest is history! It’s that snowball effect, you know. You start here, then you get to know some people, get into some things and liked it, pursue it further and make it into a passion. Now one of them earn a 5 figure income! WHOA!
It’s all about experimenting, people! Keeping things exciting ;)
That nails tho! Hehe.
Anyway, wherever you are and whatever you do this point of your life, and no matter whether you’ve figured things out or have not, I wish you the all the best! ♥
I have a hard time of letting go strangers, especially strangers that I find extremely interesting and those that I click well with. I never know whether it’s a good or bad thing really, to ask for their contact details as we say our goodbyes. Who knows, we might end up being the best of friends?
I often question myself, “Would it be weird if I asked for their Facebook profiles? I barely know them, would they want me in their friend list? Would I want them in mine?”
When we do add each other on Facebook, nothing happens. An occasional hello is customary for the first few weeks or months, but that’s about it. One, two years down, we would have become strangers. It would be a lot harder now to rekindle our friendship then. In fact, a simple out of the blue hello is mistaken for a deed in need.
Because of this (and as bitter as this sounds), I choose to not take things ever so personally. Everyone I meet, though however brief but rich our experience was with each other, I make it a point to not pursue a potential friendship. “It’s not important,”I thought to myself. “You may think it’s important now, but it’s not in the future,”And that is, unfortunately, often true. Unless of course you know that that person would elevate your career somehow, then by all means…
(Side note: Isn’t it sad that a potential friendship is measured by who we add on our social media sites? Facebook do not and must not dictate the status of our friendship based on if that person is in our friend list or not, but unfortunately, they sort of kind of do. Ok well, not really but we can be very desperate and petty. “PLEASE ADD ME, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!” – desperate much?)
It’s the same with friends whom I think I would be upset to lose but I won’t, eventually. The unfortunate thing is of course, knowing that friends come and go and they often do. The beauty behind it however that as old friends go, new friends enter. There were so many times where I became terrified of the thought of a close friend leaving me physically and emotionally, perhaps they go back to their countries and I will be forever without them, but eventually things became easier to cope.
“At least there’s Facebook to keep in touch with,”I’d tell myself.
So things aren’t as scary as they used be any more, I guess. I let go easily now and I also don’t force people to ‘be with me’ if they don’t want to.
I meet people, I greet them and I walk away. Sometimes if I’m lucky, I meet someone that I really click with and we exchange contacts and end up meeting each other a few times, sincerely enjoying each other’s company.
Now, that’s a good and healthy stranger-friendship!
I am not an avid traveler, but I do travel. In fact, I make it a point to travel to somewhere near once a year, or more if my bank account allows me to. But for now, once a year is good.
2013 marked the beginning of my ‘once a year’ travel promise that I made to myself. I started at Laos with a budget of RM600 for my whole 5 days, 4 nights trip. Then in 2014, it was Manila, Philippines with a budget of RM300 (just because I callously did not bank out money for my trip and it just so happens that ALL the ATMs in the airport was down prior to my flight :/) for 4 days, 3 nights.
So, how did I manage to travel (and survive) on such tight budget?
1. Be realistic
Choose countries that you know you can afford. As much as we would like to travel to another continent all together, sometimes, our monthly income or savings do not permit us to do so, especially if you have plans to travel within the year. If you don’t mind being patient and save up for a few years in order for you to travel, then that’s awesome! But if you are someone like me who is impatiently and always ready for an adventure wherever that adventure maybe but know very well that you can’t afford some of the countries you had in mind, don’t let that put you down. Choose another country that is very much affordable for you and make a point to visit them.
I use to think that countries in South East Asia are the same as that of Malaysia. We are neighbours after all, what difference would it make anyway? But boy, was I wrong! My first trip to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam made all the difference!
Sometimes, visiting a country in your own continent is not that bad at all! You learn a lot and get to experience a lot too! My friend Alvin and his sister, Audrey, spent three weeks backpacking in Indochina and they had great fun! I would love to do that too one of these days! Fingers cross!
Why not go a step further and travel in your own country! Go do normal touristy things or go for an international festival that is hosted in your own country! That’s always fun!
2. Change your lifestyle
Want to save money for your travels but don’t know how? Easy, change your lifestyle. I heard a friend said once and this is me putting what she said in my own words,
“People who travel a lot aren’t well off, they just have different priorities. While you spend on things like clothes and fancy eats, they save up for their next trip.”
I think this is pretty self explanatory.
Backpacking is definitely the way to travel, especially if you’re still young and capable to do just that! I have saved a TON of money by backpacking; staying in dorms or cheap (but safe) hotels with shared bathroom and toilets. I don’t need the luxury when I travel, what I need is the experience of the travel!
Best part about backpacking is that you get to meet new lifelong friends who you can share travel stories and experiences with! I made so much friends from backpacking, it’s insane! We still keep in touch via Facebook!
Keyword here ladies and gentlemen, BACKPACK!
4. Be one of the locals!
Another way to enjoy your travel is by learning more about the place that you are traveling in. This does not only include going to the museums but also actually be one of the locals by indulging in as much culture as you can while saving some money doing just that!
Food is definitely the best way to get to know a country. Opt for street food instead of your normal fast food joint. Come on, you can get McDonalds back home, why travel all the way to a new country and try out the same thing?
Street foods are not only cheap, but very yummy too! If you have a sensitive tummy, then come prepared. Have your medication with you at all time and most importantly, choose clean eateries to eat in. Be careful on where and what type of food you consume, you don’t want to spend the rest of your trip being sick! In saying this however, street foods are a definite must in any country you visit!
Then there’s the public transport. When we were in Manila, we took the jeepney everywhere we go. It was our number one go-to travel ride as taxi were expensive. Plus, we did a whole lot of walking while we’re there so comfy shoes is a number one priority while traveling!
Bonus tip: Travel for free! (Well, kinda!)
In 2010, I got a chance of a lifetime to travel to England to attend the Young Women World Forum under the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS). Not only was I given the chance to meet inspiring young women my own age from various parts of the world, but I also got to travel to England, which was pretty darn awesome!
As much as I had the doors opened for me, I knew I had to have a little push to get the funds in. I had to work extra hard to earn the trust and respect of people who eventually was kind enough to donate and sponsor for my trip. If you want kind help, you need to work for it! I was super glad I was able to go in the end and represented Malaysia (and Sabah!) internationally!
There are many similar programs, forums or conferences that you can join that enables you to travel to different parts of the world for free or at a minimal cost. I know a friend spent her whole secondary school and university by attending different forums and conferences to not only travel, but also filling up her resume with all these wonderful and rich experiences.
Many of these programs are either fully or partially paid for one way or another. Please check each individual programs for full details. There are many other programs that are similar to these too, Google them!
Best yet, why not travel with your school? I know that many colleges and universities offer cultural exchange-type trips for students. In fact, I will be going to Makassar and Toraja this November for a study trip under my university!
So the quote, “Where there is a will, there is a way” may just ring true for many of us.
These are genuine friends whom I genuinely have fun with.
I feel the need to clarify that to myself sometimes, especially whenever I see these pictures of me having fun with these bunch of amazing people because 17-year old me would never have believed that I would achieve this level of coolness. That in order for me to be in this situation, I would have to force myself to be with people I barely know, who spend a bit too much of their parents’ money on fun and who you need to suck up to so that they would accept you (or seemingly accept you) to be in their clique.
I went through that phase before. I guess at one point, we all did, especially the many of us who try to fit in to the more ‘cool’ crowd so that we won’t feel left out.
I suppose if there’s one thing I could tell my past self is that I shouldn’t feel pressured to be cool. There was a point in my life where I was contemplating on being with people I barely know and who do not appreciate me enough to call me their friend, who were not there when I needed them and who made me feel like shit about myself.
My past self should know that there is no shame in telling friends that you are broke even if you know that they are never broke because they are just a bit more lucky than you financially. Nobody, not even the most beautiful and richest person around, should not make you feel any less of yourself because we are all fortunate in our own little way; me with my sassy, diva-esque personality; them with their RM10k worth of car and yearly trips to Paris, England or somewhere exotic like Sicily. (Not referring to anyone here by the way)
So here’s a secret. While you are in the pursuit of being cool, never forget to appreciate the cool that you already have within you, which is yourself. Because once you realize how cool you are and stop chasing the stereotypical definition of cool, only then would you create your own pool of cool with genuine friends who are equally as cool if not more. Together, you and them will be cool. It just takes time and patience is all.
Always acknowledge the green grass on your side too and start planting flowers while you’re at it.
It’s never easy to appreciate what you have now, heck, I’m still struggling, but looking back at all these pictures made me realize that my life isn’t THAT bad, so yeah. That’s pretty cool :)
I don’t think anyone would have imagined a world where you could gather all your friends in one place and still be friends and keep in touch with each other despite not actually speaking to them, let alone know them personally. Social networking sites are pretty helpful in that way, but obviously, we have seen problems along the lines.
One problem for me personally is the amount of friends I have on my list who I either do not know, who post depressing/useless status updates or people who are not worth keeping in touch with.
I think if there’s one bad thing social networking sites force us to become is a HOARDER. There, I said it! Most of us (not all, but most) hoard (‘keep’) friends for one of those ‘just in case we need them in the future’ reasons. I mean, it’s alright if you don’t mind keeping them in your list, but it becomes a problem when they give you problems, you know. Like when they constantly post depressing statuses that depresses you too, or people who just so fake – it’s so annoying.
If you genuinely want to keep friends for networking purposes and being genuinely interested in keeping in touch with them, then that’s cool. But when doing that meant that you have to face CONSTANT negative vibes from this person (whether pointed directly/indirectly at you or not at all, but towards the general friends in his/her list), then it’s time to delete them, for your own good.
You don’t need all these drama as you have your own issues to deal with you, you know? But in saying that, you do need to know some of the general result to deleting people off your Facebook, i.e., they will get upset at you which I personally feel that they should stop doing that, especially when you and them are not CLOSE friends anyways, you know?
But anyway, I’ve compiled these list based on my own personal experience.
People who you should delete off Facebook
You don’t know them.
You used to know them but now we don’t. Both him/her and you have grown and are complete strangers now.
You don’t want to have anything to do with them.
You find them annoying, fake, incredibly negative and/or condescending to other people (you should always ALWAYS have positive people surrounding you)
People who post depressing statuses all the time. Sure, you have the right to exercise your right as a Facebook account owner by expressing yourself in whatever manner, but that’s what Twitter are for, post depressing shit there.
You want my list to be only of close friends and family.
Too much drama on Facebook.
These ‘friends’/ family are spies who are obsessed with finding all the wrong things (to them anyway) that you do with your life and need a reason to ‘complain’ about you.
You added them in the past because you thought they are/were cute (superficial, yes, I know), but you’re not interested in having them in your list now.
Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-classmates etc that are not worth keeping in touch with.
Acquaintances or people you met off the internet (I would usually put my profile on strict privacy setting for these bunch)
Friends who have changed and are terrorizing my life (real story; happened to me)
Friends who think that they have the right to bring you to the ‘right path’ just because they are more religious than you and felt entitled to ‘teach’ you by dissing your lifestyle and values.
You were forced to be Facebook-friends with them because your parents, friends – whoever – told (forced) you to do it.
People (you barely know) shamelessly told you to add them on Facebook.
They are not active on Facebook and you find no reason to keep them on your list – can this be a reason? I rather keep in touch with them via Whatsapp or whatever if they’re not into social networking sites.
You want to keep them on your list, and Facebook is not suitable. Perhaps, other social networking platforms? – Skype, Twitter, Tumblr, email, Whatsapp?
People who constantly post/share pictures/articles of dead people/animals/generally disgusting things for the fun of it. WHY?
Frenemies – someone whom you are friends with dislikes, but secretly is Facebook friends with them to constantly find out what they’re up to and how you can top them off with your own success.
People who you should keep on Facebook
Friends and family whom you don’t mind snooping around your private life – they are understanding and cool with your life and your believes, so that’s awesome.
Positive people! POSITIVE! None of those constant depressing, self obnoxious, condescending status updates on your dashboard. Pure bliss!
People who post uplifting, humorous, and/or intellectually-stimulating status updates are awesome – or people who don’t post anything at all, doesn’t matter, as long as it’s nothing negative or depressing.
Your idols; people who inspire you- also whom you may or may not know but accepted your friend request anyway which is cool of them.
People who do not belong in the list above.
Comforting things that you can tell yourself when someone deletes you off their Facebook – what I tell myself, Lol.
It’s their right to do so, so whatever. I don’t care. I do it myself too – deleting people and stuff.
I may belong in the list of ‘People I delete’. You can’t please everyone, unfortunately.
I would rather have someone delete me if they feel that I do not ‘contribute’ as a friend. It makes both our lives easy and deleting/blocking me off Facebook would not ruin my friendship with you, so don’t feel bad about deleting me because I would still treat you as a friend and I respect your decision to ‘cleanse’ your online presence.
Fuck you too! LOL. Kidding. Let’s be real life friends now.
You know what’s spooky? Finding out information about a total stranger on the Internet.
I was talking to someone on this website which everybody is crazy about using fake names on and fake profiles because well, not everyone’s comfortable enough to expose themselves. I had a pretty decent nice time talking to the guy and then he asked if he could add me up on Skype, so I said yes.
I have two Skype accounts; one for close family and friends and the other, for random strangers/friends I meet online (some of which I came to be very close friends with). I obviously added him on the 2nd account. He however, added me on his Skype (I doubt he has two Skype accounts or is even active on Skype because there were only 2 friends there) which has his full name.
I was curious about him, so I started random searching for his name on Facebook and three exact names came up. I knew which state he was from, so out of the three names, only one fit the same state description. I decided to dig in deeper and searched for his name and state as key words on Google and a high school website pop up. The high school pretty much narrowed down what town he came from but I wasn’t too sure if it was him.
So I casually asked him (on Skype) which town or area does he live in, but he didn’t give me a specific name but his casual, “Oh, near __” gave me a clear picture of where it actually is and guess what! It matched the description of the guy on Facebook and high school website! I knew right away that it was him.
So now, I know where he lives, where he used to study and how he looks like.
But I didn’t stop right there, I wanted to know what other information can I find about the guy. So in the search box, I typed his full name, town and high school and booom! I found his high school’s baseball team name list and there he was! So now I know details of his sports history back in high school; jersey number, what year he graduated, what position he was in and more pictures of him playing sports.
I linked everything together and I found the guy! I found the exact guy! Prior to this, I only had a name and state he is from, but with just that, I can find out his whole history with the help of the internet! It was obvious that it was him because his username was a dead giveaway to his love for sports, particularly baseball since he was the captain of his own high school team! Talk about passion exuded via an innocent username choice.
I was pretty freaked out (and amazed) by my ability to find out everything about some ‘anonymous’ guy I met off the Internet and I’m even more freaked out by the fact how I, your normal average Jane, can find details about him at the tip of my fingers.
Can you imagine what some a professional hacker and stalker can do if he did his homework well enough?
Be careful and stay safe on the Internet! You never know what bad person is lurking around!