Dear Young Me

Dear young me,

Thank you for not being desperate to be accepted. Thank you for not trading your real friends for a group of cool-looking people who look like they have all the fun in the world. Also, thank God there was no Instagram or you and I both would be SO jealous looking at those people!

Yes, I know how much you wanted to be part of their group, but I also know that it’s probably not a good idea to come from a single-parent family and have unrealistic need to spend money on parties and booze on a weekly basis at just 17! I mean, we can afford it now but not when we were younger!

Also, thank you for realizing at such a young age that while the grass may be greener on the other side, it is also no less greener on this side despite us having a hard time believing that. Yes, I know it’s hard but we managed, didn’t we?

And yes, I know you’re sad that you don’t a boyfriend and that sucks… a lot! But trust me, there’s nothing wrong with you. No, it’s not that people find you unattractive, or not charming enough or unintelligent, or that you don’t have a sense of humour.

It’s just that, boys can be really blind sometimes and whether you like it or not, you can’t really blame them. They’re used to society’s definition of beauty, one that we unfortunately, do not fit into. But hey, we have an advantage to that, you know! We get to see their real selves and intentions; how pretentious and mean they can be to get the girl they want or how really nice, sweet and respectful some guys are. They think nobody sees them, but we do. I think it’s pretty cool that we get to open their minds to different types of beauty that surprise, surprise, surrounds them. In fact, being the size that we are, we get to appreciate people more and ignore those who do not deserve us; friends and boys included.

And honestly, we are single because nobody caught our eyes yet! It was never about us being unattractive, it’s about us being unattracted! You know and I know that whenever we find someone attractive, we would be the first one to say hi and ask them silly, unimportant life questions. Honestly, do you even care about how the weather will be like next week? We are definitely not the type of girls who will just sit there and wait for her prince charming to come, we go find him!

Oh and yeah, we suck at grades. Pretty bad actually. Lucky thing we got A1 for English and BM. That was pretty cool. But don’t worry because you will do REALLY good in Uni. Trust me. Also, remember those cool kids? Well, you’d be happy to know that no, you did not join their circle but because you created your own cool, they did acknowledge you and even surprisingly, praised you for being, well, you. Weird.

One of them even came up to you randomly and asked, “You’re Jasmine, right?”

Yes, yes I am.

– Older, wiser and sexier you

 

 

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Real problems only introverted extroverts (and extroverted introverts) would understand

Introverted extroverts are the life of the party. You are a social animal who loves meeting new people and have people be super interested to get to know you. You are charismatic, fun and enjoyable to be around with.

However, there are time when all you want to do is be cooped up in your rooms, to not be the centre of attention and to for once, be the quiet one in the group. You just don’t have the mood to mingle and tend to get awfully awkward with people. This confuses people very much but hey, that’s okay!

Here are some real problems only introverted extroverts would understand.

  • You have a ‘fun quota’

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Being an extrovert can be tiring. You enjoy it very much but sometimes, especially times when you use too much of your ‘fun quota’, you get tired and tend to crawl back to your holes to re-energize yourselves.

However, don’t worry because you know that once you are fully energized, you can’t wait to go out and start mingling again! So, get ready world!

  • You have a lot of friends, but only a handful of close friends

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You like to keep our circle small, despite having a large network of friends and acquaintances. You are usually selective when it comes to who you share your deepest darkest secrets to and try not to blabber everything about yourself to just about everyone.

But having said that, you do have many groups of friends that you hang with many different interests and stories that you share with, and that’s the awesome part! You can never have too little friends or the party would be a bore!

  • Avoiding people

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When you’re not feeling it, all you want to do is to avoid people at all cause. See a friend you got drunk with the other night in the shopping mall? Avoid! See that crush you’ve been flirting non-stop with at the dinner party last week in the petrol station? Avoid!

But wait! They see you and now they’re walking to you. You can’t run any more so you put the biggest smile you can and go, “HEY!!!!! I’m so happy to see you!”.

Talking to them isn’t too bad after all, but once they go away, you run and make sure you don’t bump into them ever again. Well, at least until next Saturday at the bar!

  • People throw stuff at you all the time

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Because of your fun and outspoken personality, people tend to make you do things a lot. I.e., do presentations, emcee for events, public speaking, confronting people etc etc… In reality, there are some things in the list that you rather not do.

I for one hate confronting people, I am too scared to do the job!

  • “You? Shy?????”

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Yep, you get that ALL the time. Apparently, nobody believes that you could ever be shy, but it does happen!

  • You’re a ball of surprises!

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You know those girls who don’t wear make-up at all and have zero fashion sense almost all the time, then when you see them at a party, BAM! They look gorgeous with their sex-me make-up and fuck-me clothes.

Yeah, you’re kind of like that.

When you’re not feeling it, you keep quiet and lay low. Everyone pass you without noticing. Nobody thinks that you’re important enough. Then there’s that one person in the room who is super hyper that it’s fucking pissing you off. You want to shine too, just like her/him, but you can’t. You just can’t. Not right now anyway.

Then one day… BAM! Your personality kicks in and your fun side is shown! You become the life of the room and everyone notices you, even that annoyingly hyper girl/boy shuts up because the limelight is on you now and there’s nothing they can do about it. You hear people saying, “I didn’t know you’re this fun!” as dance your ass off to Carly Rae Jepson’s I Really Like You.

You do you now, you hear?

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Self discovery means throwing yourself everywhere.

Okay so, I have 4 jobs now.

Yes, FOUR. How? Why? Well, I think it has a lot to do with me trying to not freak myself out as much for not knowing that I want to do in life.

People say you tend to figure out about things after graduating from university. Sure, but not for everyone. For the most part, some of us are still figuring out and trying to see where we fit and stuff.

So how do you figure out?

...by drinking someone's overpriced drink? Perhaps!
…by drinking someone’s overpriced drink? Perhaps!

I believe in waiting for the next big thing to come knocking at your door, but don’t wait too long. Reality check, it may or may not come. Sometimes you get a big break, other times, you need to do a lot in order to get (and know) that big break. It’s better to go out there and find it, what I think.

For the second half of 2014, right after university, I was basically figuring things out. I was traveling a lot (‘traveling’ meant going back to my second home; KL – I was and still is based in KK) despite not having much money, though I saved as much as I can from my monthly pocket money thanks to my parents – less than RM300 a month. Other times when I’m back in KK, I would stay at home, a lot, and do the normal things that jobless people do – eat, sleep, rave, repeat.

Have you ever been so bored that you find posing with big ass fruits more exciting?
Have you ever been so bored that you find posing with big ass fruits more exciting?

When December rolled in and I basically still didn’t know what I wanted to do – I mean, I had an idea but you know, I wasn’t sure – I knew I had to start the new year with at least a paying job. So I managed to secure a part time job and one thing let to another, I now have 4 part time jobs that covers a few hours of my weekends and weekday nights. Pretty insane but pretty cool  too actually.

Now, whenever people ask me what I do for a living, I can proudly say I have 4 jobs; part time jobs, sure, but jobs. That’s always a great conversation starter, hah!

Bare in mind, if you do plan to have multiple jobs (part time or not), make sure you can keep up to it! I survived Week 1, so I guess that’s okay. (I GUESS!)

My 2015 resolution is ‘GROWTH‘.

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Honestly, I don’t know what growth I am aiming for this year, but at least I am getting paid for it. Wink wink! Okay, bad example, but you know what I mean.

I am still new at this whole 4 jobs thing, but I’ve friends who were in the same boat as me and they pretty much threw themselves out there and one thing led to another, they found their ‘calling’ and the rest is history! It’s that snowball effect, you know. You start here, then you get to know some people, get into some things and liked it, pursue it further and make it into a passion. Now one of them earn a 5 figure income! WHOA!

It’s all about experimenting, people! Keeping things exciting ;)

"Look ma! I'm on a brochure!!" - A job in the marketing department of my university led me to be a talent scout for brochures to eventually be THE talent! Something to add to the resume eh!
“Look ma! I’m on a brochure!!” – A job in the marketing department of my university led me to be a talent scout for brochures to eventually THE talent! Something to add to the resume eh!

That nails tho! Hehe.

Anyway, wherever you are and whatever you do this point of your life, and no matter whether you’ve figured things out or have not, I wish you the all the best! 

A rare movie review: ‘The Giver’

Metacritic gave it a score of 47% while Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 33%.

I however… Well, let’s just say I was left there in the theatre, stunned, unable to move, my thumb and index finger touching my pursed lips. I was in awe at just what I watched.

Those scores were a sham, I thought to myself. SHAM! However, I told myself, “To each is their own”. I for one, LOVED IT.

When the credits were rolling, I was still digesting what I just watched. It was hard to digest a movie like this. It wasn’t a blockbuster movie; there were no explosions nor sex, no sexy or hot actors and actresses, rather, it was a movie that requires you to open your mind up and think; to step back for awhile and re-look at the world around you and the society you are a part of.

The Wikipedia page of ‘The Giver’ stated that the movie is a “social science fiction” and social science fiction, Wikipedia stated (though kids, do not quote Wikipedia in your essays, blogs are still okay):

Social Science fiction is a subgenre of science fiction, usually soft science fiction, concerned less with technology and space opera and more with speculation about human society. In other words, it “absorbs and discusses anthropology”, and speculates about human behavior and interactions.

There, ‘anthropology’. There!

And suddenly, it all makes sense. Anthropology, the study of societies, of people. That was what I learned in university and have been ever so passionate about. No wonder I feel strongly about the movie; from the beginning until the end. My passion for learning about people and societies left a big mark on me during the movie and more so now.

I love how they incorporate real (and staged) videos of societies. I love that. The emotions that they talked about, the HUMAN emotions. Those, those I like. I especially like the part where he ‘saw’ strength, prior to continuing his journey to Elsewhere. That was my favourite. I guess these videos of societies and emotions made The Giver different from other dystopian teen movies.

Many of the critics say that the plot for The Giver is just like any other dystopian teen movies such as The Hunger Games, Divergent and Ender’s Game and I have to say, I do agree with that. Even so, I feel that movie genre such as these are fairly new and I can say that I am not sick of it just yet. Anything that is different from movies which only talks of beefed up hot guys saving (and shagging) overtly sexy girl in a very sexualized and masculine movie is obviously way interesting to me.

But like I said, to each is their own!

I am waiting or another Yasmin Ahmad-type movie to come out from Malaysia and fortunately, they are booming(!) – thank you indie filmmakers! I think it’s about time we step away from funny horror movies, stories about rempits, the ‘glamorous’ lives of polygamous marriages, and about kampung women who need men to ‘straighten’ them out because they do not know any better.

All that kink at 15.

I revisited my old blog – a blog I made as a 15-year-old late November of ’05.

It was awkward to visit myself again. I was at a point where I just couldn’t wait to grow up having been departed from two previous blogs I made when I was 11 and 13. I figured, the only way for me to appear grown up was to talk about all things sexual. Hence words such as ‘kinky’, ‘porn’, ‘horny’, ‘XXX’, ‘fucking’, and ‘sexy’ were used and reused without a second thought.

December 15, 2005 – 15 years old

“my sister went for carol practise. i was suppose to go as well, but too lazy. so here i am. alone and feeling extremely kinky as usual. too bad my johnny bravo is busy rite now.” 

I guess I find my teenage self somewhat interesting. Cringe-worthy, yes, but interesting nonetheless. It was a process of me growing up; a way for me to escape my real life insecurities by masking it with a really tough and sarcastic persona, albeit sexual.

December 24, 2008 – 18 years old

Blog title: “Sofia Legend Inspires Me” (in bold and big glaring words)

Oh shoot me now. Reading this, as a 24 year-old feminist now, makes me want to build a time machine, go back to 2008 and slap myself in the face and give myself a long ass lecture on how you’re not suppose to look at soft core pornstars as role models. I suppose, ‘INSPIRE’ is a strong word to use. My definition of inspiration today are women like Aung Saan Su Kyi, Lupita Nyong’o or Kimora Lee Simmons.

‘Fascination’ would be the correct word for my interest in S. L. as I thought it was interesting of her to showcase another side of her and how I secretly wanted to do that too, but obviously, I couldn’t because that would just be toooo insane for me. But yeah. Fascination is the word.

By the way…

Kimora Lee Simmons and I in 2011. I won a slogan competition to meet her when she came down to KL!
Kimora Lee Simmons and I in 2011. I won a slogan competition to meet her when she came down to KL!

Yeah, that happened and please, ignore the over the top eye make-up. It was my first real event with celebrity sightings!

But young me was not too bad. Ages 19 and above, I was quite, well, insightful. ‘i’s were proper ‘I’s, ‘rite’ was spelled as ‘right’, and I became more, how should I say, reflective.

February 21, 2010 – 20 years old

“…Anyway, I wonder if people were the person they portray on their blog. I read blogs, good blogs. Those intellectual blogs that only twisted, mindless freaks like myself would read as a way to fill up the void in my uncertain and occasionally fucked up brain. I wonder if these people, these geniuses as I like to oddly proclaim them (although, they should be gods), are the type of people who observes and dissects people in real life just like how they would in the cyber world. I bet they do, or else, where would they find their inspiration?”

Not too bad. *pats self*

Nowadays, I’m rather boring, I think. I spend less time exploring other blogs (blogs that I find inspirational in the past) and more time just being a university student. Boring, I know. I care less about how I write and more about what I write, which is sad since I know I can play around with words better than how I’m writing now (as in, this post right now). I just need to tap into my philosophical self to bring out sexy glasses-on, smoking hot, librarian/secretary me. Haha! Mmmmmm.

Jokes aside, I do get extremely jealous seeing how other people could flawlessly write beautifully without worrying about not being inspired by other people. In the case of me, I NEED to be inspired by other people’s writing to be able to tap into my ‘philosophical self’, if there is one. I’d like to think that there is! I guess that’s what makes some of my stuff special, I just wish that that specialness comes ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I’m rambling now.

(P.S.: If you’re interested to visit my old blog, you can’t unfortunately. I have decided, long before I started THIS BLOG SPARKLES, to lock that part of my life now and set it on private for my own guilty pleasure to revisit now and then. I’m sure you’d be interested to dig out juicy details of me in the past, but trust me, like I said, I’m a bore. *wink*)

5 things I learned as a young adult

We all learn something as we grow up. Many of us learn it the hard way and it takes these hard ways to shake us up and have this self-revelation thing. These are mine.

1. Never assume

This is my one thing that I hold on to and urge that you do it too. I wrote an anti-poem about assuming a few days ago out of frustration when a friend ‘assumed’ things about me. It tattered our relationship for a bit which was painful. I knew assumptions ruin relationships and often put me in hot soup, so I stopped doing it and start asking. I asked so much fearing that I probably misheard some things, or that I asked because I needed a clearer instruction. It made people annoyed with me which I much rather happen than to have myself wronged for something out of a product of assumption.

It (not assuming) had saved my ass so much, thus far.

2. Not everyone is impressed by your humour

Do not think that just because your normal clique of friends think that your sick perverted joke is funny, your other (new) friends/ acquaintances think so too. I found this the hard way when I purposely injected some jokes about the beauty of porn and how I like some porn over the other as a way to overcome an awkward silence with a friend whom I knew from university. She was an acquaintance that I knew since our first year in uni. This ‘smart’ move to make everyone laugh during our group outing led to me getting an incredibly horrible eye rolling and ‘you’re so dumb’ look from her which made me feel so stupid and down the whole time we were out.

Of course, I started assuming that she hates my guts and didn’t talk to her for quite sometime. I eventually ignored my feelings of intimidation and bounced back as myself again, minus the whole sick perverted joke to which she responded positively, not that I cared to be honest (by then).

3. Make time for your loved ones

My late grandfather. RIP.
My late grandfather. RIP.

Death of a loved one changes you. When my great-grandfather passed away in 2009, it was my first time experiencing death of a close family member. It made me realize how short life is and how I needed to step up my game and spend more time with my loved ones. So I started spending time with my family as much as I can and doing things that I don’t necessarily like, which includes: go with grandma for her detox thing, vase hunting with mom, visit my grandparents often, driving both my grandma and mom around, go do gardening stuff etc. 

The one thing that I’m glad I did was visiting my grandfather as often as I can, especially when I come back from university (I study half across the country from my hometown). We don’t talk a lot, we just mostly sit there and watch his Chinese films, but that didn’t matter, I wanted to be there. When he passed away last October, I was devastated. What made things bearable was that I knew I spent as much time as I can with him so I have no regrets at all. I can still hear him telling me over and over about how proud he is of me and I carry that memory with me wherever I go.

4. Wake up early (a.k.a. get your shit together)

Waking up at 2pm is probably cute when you’re 16, but when you’re 28 (or 38 or 48), it just sounds sad. I am no morning person. I hate it. It’s disgusting. It’s a horrible creation. BUT you can’t deny that it is the most important time of the day where amazing things happen. Successful people such as, wake up super early.

Image via Funders and Founders.

If you want to fulfill something, you need to wake up early, unless of course, you work on night shift. I remember in high school during one of those long one-month break, I felt that the day went by too quickly and my holiday was ending. It dawned on me that me waking up at 12pm everyday meant that I already lost half of my day which made time pass by so fast. So I woke up slightly early at 9am. It’s no 5am, but at least my day is more ‘longer’ and I could do more stuff!

5. Create a more positive and safe cyber space for yourself

Your surrounding is important. Where you live, who you’re with and what you do dictate how you feel and view about yourself and about things in general. Nowadays, the ‘real’ world isn’t the only place that you need to care for. Your cyber world is just as important too and as Gen-Ys and Zs, we of all people understand this fully having spent half if not most of our lives ‘plugged in’.

Your online activity and persona is one that is important and personal because it is a space where you can be just about anybody and portray yourself to be whoever you want to be. The cyber space is a space where you can be lost in, or influenced by, so it is incredibly important that you create a positive space for you to ‘live’ in.

Facebook is a good example on how you can feel crappy about things in a matter of seconds seeing all those depressing status updates from your friends or feel angry seeing how fake people can be online when you know how they actually are in real life.

I.e., “I hate fake people. I am going to step away from all these fake people and live my life to the fullest!” Said super fake rich friend who hangs with only popular people and dumps them when their popularity went away. *rolls eyes*

You don’t need people like this to clutter your mind. You see this people everyday on your news feed, so why torture yourself? My suggestion? Mute them. Mute friends who give you bad vibes if you don’t want to completely rid of them fearing that they will ‘fight’ back against you. In the real world, you can just ignore them because you don’t meet them that much anyway, but when you’re plugged in to their lives, it’s hard to ignore because you see them every single fucking day and it’s just so fucking annoying.

So, shut them up with just one click and enjoy that peace of mind that you have longed for. Or better yet, delete them, block them, do everything and anything. You don’t deserve their negativity.

There you go! Let me know if you have any lessons that you would like to share!

Article of the day: ‘Khalwat Raids Against Islam Principles’

I ‘liked’ a page on Facebook which basically features news stories of things that happened around the world and especially Malaysia. Unfortunately, I recently stopped following them because I absolutely hate that they keep posting stories of people getting caught having sex outside of marriage.

You see, in Malaysia, we have various Islamic groups who, if get tipped, would raid houses, bars etc for ‘improper’ behaviour. I hate that all the news article that I read are mostly headlines such as, “Mother of three caught with lover”, “Wife cheats on husband with another man”, “Women ashamed of what she did”, “Factory worker got caught with boyfriend” etc etc…

It’s ALL about women!

It’s annoying because you RARELY hear stories about men getting caught. RARELY. I think out of 10 articles on the website, 1 would be a story on how a husband got caught cheating his wife and his wife would beat him up or kill him or something. See, another bad rep for women!

Anyway, I found this HIGHLY interesting article about a religious leader saying that raiding people’s private spaces in the name of Islam is actually against the basic principle of Islam itself. Oh, the irony!

Read here: ‘Khalwat Raids Against Islam Principles