A few months ago, I got out of a long term relationship. It took me another few more months before deciding that I should probably throw myself out there again.
Naturally, Tinder came into the picture. I’ve heard so much about it so I thought I’d give it a try. (Hey, why not!)
Here are 20 lessons that I’ve learned from using Tinder (in no particular order).
Be careful what you write on your profile, your friends, colleagues or boss might come across it. Unless you’re traveling and Tindering, then who cares what you write on there!
Not everyone takes Tinder seriously, so don’t get too bothered if they don’t reply you.
It’s a pretty cool ‘dating’ app to vet out unwanted messages from weirdos or people you are not attracted to.
It’s also a pretty cool app to use when to meet locals while you’re traveling. (I should use it when I travel tbh)
On that note, as a local, you get to meet travelers visiting your city (major plus to living in exotic Borneo). I love showing people around my city, plus, it’s always fun to hear their travel stories too.
There aren’t many choices on Tinder in KK unfortunately. 3 swipes and you’re done for the day!
Important Tinder lesson: Tinder, just like dating, is a game. So, don’t get too attached with anyone you meet there. You may potentially get hurt or disappointed and tbh, it’s not worth it.
Just… PLAY.IT.COOL. Yes he’s hot, but don’t fully commit yourself to someone, it may come across as being weird or trying too hard.
Protection is key (you know what I mean). Make sure you have your own too!
PAY FOR YOUR OWN MEALS. It’s 2016! Who waits for a guy to pay for your food?? It may be a date, but nothing screams sexy than a woman taking care of herself! If he does insist on paying, then cool, if not, then you know what to do!
Stop going out of your way to provide for them. You’re not their SO and you barely know them. Be nice and help out where you can, but don’t impose. They’re not your responsibility.
Learn some valuable skills while you’re at it. Flirting for example (amongst other things) is a great skill to practice with your date.
Yes, you can make friends through Tinder (eventually), but remember what Tinder is about. It’s first and foremost a hook up app and people who get on there may expect sex (spoiler alert!). Not all, but most do. So keep that in mind when your date pulls the whole “want to have some fun?”
Getting matched with someone who is way out of your league isn’t too bad, especially if just like me, you’re shit at approaching cute guys in real life social settings.
I’ve met some really cool guys on Tinder, many of which I’ve became good friends with and still keep in touch via social media.
However, don’t get offended if someone does not want to keep in touch with you, even if both of you had a great connection. They have their reasons, I guess. It’s a shitty fact, but it happens.
Getting ghosted or stood up is part of the dating/Tinder game and it sucks balls.
You’ll definitely have some interesting Tinder stories to tell your friends – or date! Talking about them definitely makes a great conversation during the date.
Always make your safety a priority. Whether you’ve known them for a day or a month, it’s still very important to put your safety a priority when you do meet them in person. You know how this goes – meet at a public place, tell people where you are at, give them emergency number etc. Safety first!
Have fun! No experience is bad experience; everyone you meet, everything you experienced, it all contribute to you learning about yourself. I for one definitely learned a lot about myself and of others through this whole Tinder journey and that’s pretty awesome. (Lol at journey)
Do you have anything to put on the list? Share your thoughts by commenting below!
Introverted extroverts are the life of the party. You are a social animal who loves meeting new people and have people be super interested to get to know you. You are charismatic, fun and enjoyable to be around with.
However, there are time when all you want to do is be cooped up in your rooms, to not be the centre of attention and to for once, be the quiet one in the group. You just don’t have the mood to mingle and tend to get awfully awkward with people. This confuses people very much but hey, that’s okay!
Here are some real problems only introverted extroverts would understand.
You have a ‘fun quota’
Being an extrovert can be tiring. You enjoy it very much but sometimes, especially times when you use too much of your ‘fun quota’, you get tired and tend to crawl back to your holes to re-energize yourselves.
However, don’t worry because you know that once you are fully energized, you can’t wait to go out and start mingling again! So, get ready world!
You have a lot of friends, but only a handful of close friends
You like to keep our circle small, despite having a large network of friends and acquaintances. You are usually selective when it comes to who you share your deepest darkest secrets to and try not to blabber everything about yourself to just about everyone.
But having said that, you do have many groups of friends that you hang with many different interests and stories that you share with, and that’s the awesome part! You can never have too little friends or the party would be a bore!
When you’re not feeling it, all you want to do is to avoid people at all cause. See a friend you got drunk with the other night in the shopping mall? Avoid! See that crush you’ve been flirting non-stop with at the dinner party last week in the petrol station? Avoid!
But wait! They see you and now they’re walking to you. You can’t run any more so you put the biggest smile you can and go, “HEY!!!!! I’m so happy to see you!”.
Talking to them isn’t too bad after all, but once they go away, you run and make sure you don’t bump into them ever again. Well, at least until next Saturday at the bar!
People throw stuff at you all the time
Because of your fun and outspoken personality, people tend to make you do things a lot. I.e., do presentations, emcee for events, public speaking, confronting people etc etc… In reality, there are some things in the list that you rather not do.
I for one hate confronting people, I am too scared to do the job!
Yep, you get that ALL the time. Apparently, nobody believes that you could ever be shy, but it does happen!
You’re a ball of surprises!
You know those girls who don’t wear make-up at all and have zero fashion sense almost all the time, then when you see them at a party, BAM! They look gorgeous with their sex-me make-up and fuck-me clothes.
Yeah, you’re kind of like that.
When you’re not feeling it, you keep quiet and lay low. Everyone pass you without noticing. Nobody thinks that you’re important enough. Then there’s that one person in the room who is super hyper that it’s fucking pissing you off. You want to shine too, just like her/him, but you can’t. You just can’t. Not right now anyway.
Then one day… BAM! Your personality kicks in and your fun side is shown! You become the life of the room and everyone notices you, even that annoyingly hyper girl/boy shuts up because the limelight is on you now and there’s nothing they can do about it. You hear people saying, “I didn’t know you’re this fun!” as dance your ass off to Carly Rae Jepson’s I Really Like You.
I am not an avid traveler, but I do travel. In fact, I make it a point to travel to somewhere near once a year, or more if my bank account allows me to. But for now, once a year is good.
2013 marked the beginning of my ‘once a year’ travel promise that I made to myself. I started at Laos with a budget of RM600 for my whole 5 days, 4 nights trip. Then in 2014, it was Manila, Philippines with a budget of RM300 (just because I callously did not bank out money for my trip and it just so happens that ALL the ATMs in the airport was down prior to my flight :/) for 4 days, 3 nights.
So, how did I manage to travel (and survive) on such tight budget?
1. Be realistic
Choose countries that you know you can afford. As much as we would like to travel to another continent all together, sometimes, our monthly income or savings do not permit us to do so, especially if you have plans to travel within the year. If you don’t mind being patient and save up for a few years in order for you to travel, then that’s awesome! But if you are someone like me who is impatiently and always ready for an adventure wherever that adventure maybe but know very well that you can’t afford some of the countries you had in mind, don’t let that put you down. Choose another country that is very much affordable for you and make a point to visit them.
I use to think that countries in South East Asia are the same as that of Malaysia. We are neighbours after all, what difference would it make anyway? But boy, was I wrong! My first trip to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam made all the difference!
Sometimes, visiting a country in your own continent is not that bad at all! You learn a lot and get to experience a lot too! My friend Alvin and his sister, Audrey, spent three weeks backpacking in Indochina and they had great fun! I would love to do that too one of these days! Fingers cross!
Why not go a step further and travel in your own country! Go do normal touristy things or go for an international festival that is hosted in your own country! That’s always fun!
2. Change your lifestyle
Want to save money for your travels but don’t know how? Easy, change your lifestyle. I heard a friend said once and this is me putting what she said in my own words,
“People who travel a lot aren’t well off, they just have different priorities. While you spend on things like clothes and fancy eats, they save up for their next trip.”
I think this is pretty self explanatory.
Backpacking is definitely the way to travel, especially if you’re still young and capable to do just that! I have saved a TON of money by backpacking; staying in dorms or cheap (but safe) hotels with shared bathroom and toilets. I don’t need the luxury when I travel, what I need is the experience of the travel!
Best part about backpacking is that you get to meet new lifelong friends who you can share travel stories and experiences with! I made so much friends from backpacking, it’s insane! We still keep in touch via Facebook!
Keyword here ladies and gentlemen, BACKPACK!
4. Be one of the locals!
Another way to enjoy your travel is by learning more about the place that you are traveling in. This does not only include going to the museums but also actually be one of the locals by indulging in as much culture as you can while saving some money doing just that!
Food is definitely the best way to get to know a country. Opt for street food instead of your normal fast food joint. Come on, you can get McDonalds back home, why travel all the way to a new country and try out the same thing?
Street foods are not only cheap, but very yummy too! If you have a sensitive tummy, then come prepared. Have your medication with you at all time and most importantly, choose clean eateries to eat in. Be careful on where and what type of food you consume, you don’t want to spend the rest of your trip being sick! In saying this however, street foods are a definite must in any country you visit!
Then there’s the public transport. When we were in Manila, we took the jeepney everywhere we go. It was our number one go-to travel ride as taxi were expensive. Plus, we did a whole lot of walking while we’re there so comfy shoes is a number one priority while traveling!
Bonus tip: Travel for free! (Well, kinda!)
In 2010, I got a chance of a lifetime to travel to England to attend the Young Women World Forum under the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts (WAGGGS). Not only was I given the chance to meet inspiring young women my own age from various parts of the world, but I also got to travel to England, which was pretty darn awesome!
As much as I had the doors opened for me, I knew I had to have a little push to get the funds in. I had to work extra hard to earn the trust and respect of people who eventually was kind enough to donate and sponsor for my trip. If you want kind help, you need to work for it! I was super glad I was able to go in the end and represented Malaysia (and Sabah!) internationally!
There are many similar programs, forums or conferences that you can join that enables you to travel to different parts of the world for free or at a minimal cost. I know a friend spent her whole secondary school and university by attending different forums and conferences to not only travel, but also filling up her resume with all these wonderful and rich experiences.
Many of these programs are either fully or partially paid for one way or another. Please check each individual programs for full details. There are many other programs that are similar to these too, Google them!
Best yet, why not travel with your school? I know that many colleges and universities offer cultural exchange-type trips for students. In fact, I will be going to Makassar and Toraja this November for a study trip under my university!
So the quote, “Where there is a will, there is a way” may just ring true for many of us.
Three months ago, Cabrine Solibun Art (Instagram: @misscabrine) celebrated their 1st year anniversary and as a treat to their legion of fans (over 5k of them to be exact!), they organized an Instagram-wide competition.
I’ve been a great fan of theirs ever since they started and have been following closely (though quietly) at their progress as one of Kota Kinabalu’s up and coming make-up artist to watch out for. What started with just Cabrine alone, slowly expanded to a team of three with Claire and Jacinta coming on board.
Not wanting to miss this wonderful opportunity to score some free and exclusive ‘me time’, I decided to give the competition a try.
Caption, wishes and slogan-type competitions are a bit tricky as you never knew what the organizers are looking for, so you got to think outside of the box. I figured, I should take a different spin to my ‘wish’. Perhaps, I should write a poem! Rhyming is fun and I’m good at that, I thought. Also, instead of only praising the team and giving them well wishes, why not I talk about their services and what they have achieved in the past year, it is after all, their one year anniversary and their achievements should definitely be highlighted and celebrated!
So, of I go. I sat in the dining table with my trusty pen and paper and rhymed. Finally, I got it.
The content of the poem was not hard to cough out because as an avid fan, I naturally know what their services are. What was hard was rhyming it and of course, the dreaded wait for the reveal of the winner.
A month later, it was time for the big reveal and to be honest, I was excited! I knew I had it in the bag. It’s a poem! It’s something different, even if I didn’t win, I should at least get a mention! Funny thing was that when the day finally came, I completely forgot about it! It wasn’t until a friend tagged me and wrote, “Congratulations Jasmine!” that I knew what she meant! I was in the car when I saw that comment and quickly checked Instagram and there it was, a video by them revealing the winner and my face was plastered all over it! I squealed in excitement and proceeded to replay the 15-second video over and over again. I couldn’t believe my eyes!
I texted Cabrine Solibun Art and informed them of my existence (and excitement). A date was set.
30th September 2014, 11am.
And so I waited. Patiently.
The excitement built up tremendously, especially on the night before the appointment. I couldn’t contain myself and told my mom about it. To my dismay, 30th September was not a Monday (as I thought my appointment was on a Monday), it’s actually a Tuesday. I got so excited that I got my dates mixed up! Annoyed, I had to contain my excitement for yet another day.
FINALLY, TUESDAY! The real appointment date.
I reached the studio (it was a home-based studio which was a blessing as parking was a breeze!) 10 minutes earlier. I texted them to say I just reached and they replied back inviting me in. The moment I reached the door, it opened up and there was Claire. She invited me in and I saw Cabrine and Jacinta behind the counter. “Ahh these faces! I see them all the time on Instagram! They are Instagram celebrities!” I thought to myself.
They had me settled in and offered me tea as I sit on a plush red cushioned sofa decorated with various patterned cushions. They introduced themselves and congratulated me on winning. I felt awkward at first, being surrounded by strangers whom I had stalked on Instagram and here they are in person, and here I am, in their much raved-about studio! It was weird but very exciting! But as the tea sinked in, I finally got to relax a bit. I think that’s why spas and massage parlours offer you tea – to relax you. Well, that helped heaps!
Claire walked me through what we are going to do that afternoon. 5-hours of pampering was no joke, it’s tough work! The pampering session included spa, massage, facial and kudou (‘eyebrow’ in Kadazan) makeover; I can never get tired of these! I was told to take off all my accessories; my gold earrings, watch, jade bracelet and nose stud. The nose stud was the hardest to take out as it was a screwed-in type of stud and it has been there since the day I put it in – about 3 years ago! Cabrine explained to me that they will be using a high frequency machine during facial later on which negatively reacts to metal.
I shall give you a minute to soak in this picture and the fact that I had this all to myself for a good 20 minutes AFTER a great body scrub to exfoliate the dead skin cells on my body.
The body whole body exfoliate was done by my junior from primary school (PRIMARY SCHOOL, can you imagine!), Jacinta, who shared the same namesake as my sister. She has grown up to be such a lovely and beautiful young lady and I’m glad to meet her again after all these years. We never really talked when we were in school (I don’t think any of us were capable to have a decent conversation on life at just 12) but knew of each other’s existence, so it was so weird to have met again and now she’s touching my body. It’s like, “Hi, how are you! Oh okay, you will see me half naked, cool.“ Haha!
The body scrub was lovely! I enjoyed it and she did such a good job making my skin baby smooth again!
The dimly-lit spa room is filled with soft relaxing music and decorated with huge mirrors and flickering candles to provide its clients with a sense of luxury and relaxation. The beauty consultants make it a point to be silent as they massage their clients so that they can relax, but would not hesitate to talk to them if clients were to engage in a conversation, which was what I did.
I decided to break the silence by chatting with Cinta. She was extremely friendly and fun to talk to, which relaxed me a whole lot (as I am not really used to massages and spas and would naturally get awkward with people touching me).
After the whole body exfoliate, the massage bed was lifted up, exposing a bathtub right underneath it! I got excited when I saw rose petals in the water and they were beautiful! I carefully went into the bathtub and was pleased that the water temperature was perfect; not too cold or warm. They then left me alone for a good 20-minutes so that I could relax.
Note to curvy girls: Be prepared to have a back up plan the moment you get in to the bathtub as ‘islands’ start to form; a.k.a. boobs and belly (neither of which will be covered). So what do you do to cover them? In my case, I got creative with the flower petals and concealed some parts of my body just in case they would come in and check on me. Hehehehe.
Sure enough, Claire went in a few minutes later. Instead of coming in to check on me, she poured milk on me! Claire! What, why?!
However, don’t let her milk pouring moment confuse you, this is purely for beauty purposes and so in the name of beauty, I shall willingly sacrifice. Hehehehe. Milk spa, I was told, nourishes the skin making it smooth and glowy. I ain’t complaining!
After being left for a few minutes again (20 minutes in total in the bathtub), Claire and Cabrine came into the room and adviced me to take a shower. I excitedly told them that I got creative with my petals and put it to full use. Giggles ensued.
After a quick shower, I was presented with warm water. Paranoid of them waiting for me, I quickly gulped the water. “Palan-palan bah. No rush.” One of them said and I did. Noob mistake, I thought on my end. Pfft.
Cabrine brought me to the massage space just outside the spa. I was told to lie on my chest whilest putting my head in the hole on the bed. “Ahhh… This looks familiar,” I told myself; an avid massage goer. They covered me with comfy thick blankets which made me feel right at home. After some boob positioning and readjustments, a must so that I don’t squash myself to death, the massage began.
The massage was foreign to me. After being so used to oil-based massages, this dry and pressing-type massage was completely new! I learned later that the massage was a combination of Swedish massage (head to toe, full body relaxing massage) and pressure point massage where different pressure points on the body are pressed. The whole idea behind the massage is to basically to release stress and relax the body.
The massage was my favourite one of all because I was feeling really relaxed and rejuvenated, I loved it! During the massaging session, I got to know that it was Cabrine who massaged me; the lady who started it all!
Being a huge fan of Cabrine Solibun Art and someone who is often inspired by young female entrepreneurs, I thought that it was be wonderful to have a chat with her; asking her about how it all started as she massages me. Haha!
It was during secondary school that Cabrine’s talent for make-up was noticed as she was constantly called to put make-up for the choir and drama team of her school. It wasn’t until finishing school that she decided to take up Beauty Therapy in the prestigious Australian College of Beauty Therapy.
She said that although many would associate her as a make-up artist, make-up was only a unit she studied in college and that it is beauty therapy that became her main course. However, one cannot deny however that her talents in make-up is just as amazing!
After graduating from college, she came back to Sabah to set up her own make-up artist business where she goes house to house, or events to events or have her customers come to her own house. Her mom then suggested to convert the lower part of their house as Cabrine’s very own home studio. After practically building and renovating her studio by herself with the help of her supportive friends, Cabrine Solibun Art was finally born as of July 2013!
“You should have seen this place in the beginning, it was empty! I bought everything one by one,” She says proudly.
After a fun chat with her, it was on to the next session, FACIAL.
The facial was also definitely one of my favourite too and it is part of the Pamper Me Facial package. It was Claire who did my facial and I have to be honest, I tend to get all panicked whenever people get so close to my face. However, I was a little bit more calm and relaxed in Claire’s hands – Claire, I was told, had more than 10 years of experience in the industry! I like that their facial was not just about putting different types of products on your face – good products too, mind you! – but they also massage your face. Just like my body, the face massage was also an ode to pressure points and relaxation and boy, was that squeeze and tap good!
At one point of the massage, my throat started acting out and I had to cough. I told Claire that and she quickly rubbed the gel off my face and offered me a cup of warm water which helped a lot! I was pleased and touched that she was concerned with my discomfort and was willing to stop half way to accommodate to me. That’s a 5 star service right there!
The facial was followed by extraction of white heads, black heads and oil seeds before heading for the high frequency service which basically uses a machine to sooth skin after the extraction and helps to heal pimples faster. After a quick but lovely neck massage, I was given the eye paraffin wax treatment which helps to increase blood circulation around the eyes and reduce eye puffiness. As they left me alone for a good few minutes to let the wax to sink in, I dozed off.
I was gently awaken by Claire as she wipes off the wax and mask off my skin and Cabrine as she massages the body butter onto my body as a finishing touch to the massage. The body butter is used to hydrate and nourish the skin.
Next, Kudou makeover!
‘Kudou’ means brows in Kadazan language and Cabrine Solibun Art’s Kudou makeover is definitely a much raved-about service!
Cabrine personally believe that thick brows are the way to go nowadays. “It (thick eyebrows) makes you look and feel younger than the thin ones. Over plucking of brows is a major no-no,” Cabrine adviced.
I had the brow wax service. It was my first time to have a wax (of any kind) before and I didn’t know what to expect. Cabrine told me it feels like a cellophane tape being ripped off of your skin and it did feel like that, to be honest! The pain is extremely bearable, though you could potentially be shocked for the first few times. If you have experienced tweezing or better yet, threading, then waxing would be nothing in comparison.
She then taught me how to fill in my brows which I thought was extremely helpful as I suck at drawing my brows. And then, it was done!!
Kudou makeover pain scale:0.5 over 5! (the pain was barely there!)
The ending of my Kudou makeover marks the end of my 5-hour spa, massage, facial and brow treatment. And just when I thought I was told to go about my merry way, I was presented with a big red bag of goodies!
In it were some of the most raved about products on their site; the Kudou potion and Cabrine’s new business venture, I Heart Makeup’s famous Red Cherry fake lashes. I was overjoyed! I have always seen these being promoted on their Instagram and Facebook pages, but I didn’t know they would actually give me one!
Needless to say, I was a very VERY happy girl.
Home-based services whether spas, massages, wedding houses etc have a bad reputation of being unprofessional and ‘normal’ – that there is nothing special about it. Unfortunately in Sabah, this form of service are very new and thus, are often questioned by many clients of their level of quality and professionalism.
I was however, beyond pleased with the services, quality, level of professionalism and attention that the ladies of Cabrine Solibun Art have given to me during my session with them. They were very quick to reply to all of my Whatsapp messages (seeing that they have over 5k likes on Instagram, I’d imagine that they’d be busy!) and was always available to answer all of my questions that I throw at them, even the silly ones. (Sorry, ladies!)
They go all out to ensure that I have the best experience with them, in terms of comfort and quality. The one thing that I noticed and appreciate very much was the level of noise in the studio to which they keep at the most minimal as possible by talking softly to each other as to not disrupt my relaxing session. Mind you, I was not a paying customer and that my session was a gift, but still, my every comfort and well-being was well taken cared off by these wonderful ladies. In fact, they even SHUT DOWN their whole studio for the entire time I was there so that I would not get interrupted during my session! If that’s not flattering, I don’t know what is!
Cabrine Solibun Art definitely exceeded my expectation. It is one thing to create an image for yourself online (on Facebook and Instagram for example) as a young, fresh and fun team that provides amazing services to your customers but it’s another to really upheld and practice what you preach!
Overall, YES, I really enjoyed my session with them. YES, I would come back again especially for the Kudou makeover, I love that one! And a big fat YES, YOU SHOULD COME AND VISIT THEM TOO!
Location: Easy to find with map provided (though being familiar with the area helps a lot too) /ample parking spaces / a distance away from KK but very near to Donggongon.
Studio: Small yet homey / not as intimidating as many other professional spas or studios out there.
Beauty consultants: Friendly, kind, patient, mindful and sincere / ensure clients are comfortable and relaxed at all times / always willing to answer and inquiries that clients have/ not intimidating
Suggested services to try out: Kudou makeover and Pamper Me Facial (unfortunately, the Swedish massage is only available for their bridal spa package and not for individuals). Also, try out their make-up services for your events!
Overall rating: 10/10 (This rating is only for spa, massage, facial and kudou makeover)
THANK YOU LADIES FOR THE WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE AND CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 1ST ANNIVERSARY AND MANY MORE TO COME!!
I don’t think anyone would have imagined a world where you could gather all your friends in one place and still be friends and keep in touch with each other despite not actually speaking to them, let alone know them personally. Social networking sites are pretty helpful in that way, but obviously, we have seen problems along the lines.
One problem for me personally is the amount of friends I have on my list who I either do not know, who post depressing/useless status updates or people who are not worth keeping in touch with.
I think if there’s one bad thing social networking sites force us to become is a HOARDER. There, I said it! Most of us (not all, but most) hoard (‘keep’) friends for one of those ‘just in case we need them in the future’ reasons. I mean, it’s alright if you don’t mind keeping them in your list, but it becomes a problem when they give you problems, you know. Like when they constantly post depressing statuses that depresses you too, or people who just so fake – it’s so annoying.
If you genuinely want to keep friends for networking purposes and being genuinely interested in keeping in touch with them, then that’s cool. But when doing that meant that you have to face CONSTANT negative vibes from this person (whether pointed directly/indirectly at you or not at all, but towards the general friends in his/her list), then it’s time to delete them, for your own good.
You don’t need all these drama as you have your own issues to deal with you, you know? But in saying that, you do need to know some of the general result to deleting people off your Facebook, i.e., they will get upset at you which I personally feel that they should stop doing that, especially when you and them are not CLOSE friends anyways, you know?
But anyway, I’ve compiled these list based on my own personal experience.
People who you should delete off Facebook
You don’t know them.
You used to know them but now we don’t. Both him/her and you have grown and are complete strangers now.
You don’t want to have anything to do with them.
You find them annoying, fake, incredibly negative and/or condescending to other people (you should always ALWAYS have positive people surrounding you)
People who post depressing statuses all the time. Sure, you have the right to exercise your right as a Facebook account owner by expressing yourself in whatever manner, but that’s what Twitter are for, post depressing shit there.
You want my list to be only of close friends and family.
Too much drama on Facebook.
These ‘friends’/ family are spies who are obsessed with finding all the wrong things (to them anyway) that you do with your life and need a reason to ‘complain’ about you.
You added them in the past because you thought they are/were cute (superficial, yes, I know), but you’re not interested in having them in your list now.
Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-classmates etc that are not worth keeping in touch with.
Acquaintances or people you met off the internet (I would usually put my profile on strict privacy setting for these bunch)
Friends who have changed and are terrorizing my life (real story; happened to me)
Friends who think that they have the right to bring you to the ‘right path’ just because they are more religious than you and felt entitled to ‘teach’ you by dissing your lifestyle and values.
You were forced to be Facebook-friends with them because your parents, friends – whoever – told (forced) you to do it.
People (you barely know) shamelessly told you to add them on Facebook.
They are not active on Facebook and you find no reason to keep them on your list – can this be a reason? I rather keep in touch with them via Whatsapp or whatever if they’re not into social networking sites.
You want to keep them on your list, and Facebook is not suitable. Perhaps, other social networking platforms? – Skype, Twitter, Tumblr, email, Whatsapp?
People who constantly post/share pictures/articles of dead people/animals/generally disgusting things for the fun of it. WHY?
Frenemies – someone whom you are friends with dislikes, but secretly is Facebook friends with them to constantly find out what they’re up to and how you can top them off with your own success.
People who you should keep on Facebook
Friends and family whom you don’t mind snooping around your private life – they are understanding and cool with your life and your believes, so that’s awesome.
Positive people! POSITIVE! None of those constant depressing, self obnoxious, condescending status updates on your dashboard. Pure bliss!
People who post uplifting, humorous, and/or intellectually-stimulating status updates are awesome – or people who don’t post anything at all, doesn’t matter, as long as it’s nothing negative or depressing.
Your idols; people who inspire you- also whom you may or may not know but accepted your friend request anyway which is cool of them.
People who do not belong in the list above.
Comforting things that you can tell yourself when someone deletes you off their Facebook – what I tell myself, Lol.
It’s their right to do so, so whatever. I don’t care. I do it myself too – deleting people and stuff.
I may belong in the list of ‘People I delete’. You can’t please everyone, unfortunately.
I would rather have someone delete me if they feel that I do not ‘contribute’ as a friend. It makes both our lives easy and deleting/blocking me off Facebook would not ruin my friendship with you, so don’t feel bad about deleting me because I would still treat you as a friend and I respect your decision to ‘cleanse’ your online presence.
Fuck you too! LOL. Kidding. Let’s be real life friends now.
Here are some Q&A thing that I think would be helpful for you if you ever plan to go into online dating or just meeting people online for the first come.
ONLINE DATING 101
1. I find him/her interesting but I don’t know how to start a conversation in my message!
Read their profile and pick one thing about them that stand out the most for you and talk about it in your message. For example, if he likes poetry, bring that up in your message.
“Hi, I see that you like poetry. Do you write or read them? It’s always interesting to know someone who likes poetry, you don’t find that a lot of people who are into poetry these days.”
2. It has been one week now and he/she has not reply to my message yet! Should I send him/her another message?
The answer is no, especially when you see that the message has been sent. You could see sent messages in your sent message box to really determine whether he/she got your message or not. Maybe they’re just busy or maybe they are just genuinely not interested in you. If so, move on.
But if you are really into getting to know them, you can send a second message but that’s about it! Don’t send too many messages or you will come across as being desperate and needy. Nothing says unattractive than being desperate and needy!
3. How can I stand out more than the rest of the guys in the site? I want her to notice me and probably, find me interesting enough to reply to me message.
I personally find humour and wit attractive, and I’m pretty picky with grammar as well. But that’s just me. I guess the most important thing is that you inject some humour in your message and just be you, you know? Don’t try too hard and keep the conversation/ message going. One liners suck by the way.
What are one liners?
Her: Hey, what’s up?
You: Not much. You?
4. I’m not interested in him but he keeps on sending me messages. How can I make him go away?
I would either choose to ignore their messages and keep ignoring or send them a message straight up about me not being interested in them. Nobody likes to waste time on someone who doesn’t care about them, so it’s always good to tell them straight up that you’re not interested so both you and him can move on with your lives.
But obviously, he/she does not play a role in your life and he/she is not important enough for you to care about. So don’t over think about things. If ignoring is your game, then be it. But it’s always nice to get a heads up.
5. He/She’s asking if he/she can add me up on Facebook. Should I?
It’s all up to you! But for safety sake, I would choose not to unless you are extremely comfortable with them. I never add anybody I don’t know or barely know to my Facebook account because it’s personal; only for friends and family.
Don’t let them pressure you into adding them, ever. Tell them that you’ve deactivated your account or that you only add people you know personally. If they still force you, then it might be time to stop talking to them. You don’t need unnecessary drama to keep your brain busy.
6. Should I talk to him/her on Skype, YM or MSN then? How about Whatsapp? Or BBM? Is it safe to do that instead?
Again, this is totally up to you. If you are comfortable enough to share these information to him/her, then by all means. If you don’t want to share with them personal information about yourself (i.e., BBM pin, phone number or Skype/YM/MSN address), then why not create a throwaway/ disposable account instead?
I have a throwaway Skype account that I use to talk to people I barely know and another personal account that I talk to friends and family with. In my throwaway account, I do not put much details about myself; i.e., no details on which country/city I’m from, my email address, phone number, full name etc and I use a nickname for myself instead of my real name.
What is a throwaway account? A throwaway account is basically an account where I can delete it any time without having any sentimental values attached to it.
7. What kind of information about myself can I tell him/her?
Speaking from a professional stalker (I kid you not, I am a very good stalker), the little yet specific details about someone can pretty much be just enough for someone to know everything about us; depending on what you and others share about yourself on the Internet.
If you have to disclose any information about yourself, remember to keep it very vague and not at all specific.
Where do you live – Kuala Lumpur (instead of Kepong)
Where do you go to school – In one of the universities in KL. Somewhere there.
What course do you take – Business (instead of BA in Finance and Commerce)
What do you work as – Dealing with accounts (instead of saying auditor for Chicken Wing Co.)
You know the drill! :)
8. He’s asking to meet me out. Should I?
Only meet if you’re comfortable enough with the idea. Trust in your gut feeling. If you think it’s not safe to meet up or if you don’t feel like meeting up, then don’t. Don’t feel pressured or obliged to meet up with somebody, go with your own pace.
I have gotten to know tons of people (more than a hundred!) on the Internet but I have only met a handful of them who eventually became my close friends. Some of them took me more than 5 years to finally resort into meeting up in person. So don’t stress yourself!
9. We’re meeting up! What now?
Good on you! The most important thing to remember now is SAFETY FIRST!
– Meet in a public area or an area where you are most familiar with. (For example, a mall, cafe, restaurants etc…)
– Drive to the place or have someone drop you off so that you won’t depend on your date to send you. Remember, you don’t know him/her, so don’t take the risk! Unless you’re super duper comfortable and your gut is okay with it, then carpool with him/her. You drive perhaps?
10. This is my first time meeting him! In person! What if he doesn’t like me?
The biggest fear I have about online dating is the thought of having the actual ‘merchandise’ not being as ‘advertised’, if you know what I mean. It’s one thing to be worried about what the other person thinks about you when he/she meets you for the first time, it’s another when you don’t get what you thought you would get.
Which is why it is important for you to converse with each other through Skype (microphone AND webcam, mind you!) so that you would know whether both of you click.
But ultimately, the most important part about dating is to just be yourself, but of course, safe any disgusting and obnoxious bits that you do to yourself. Nobody wants to see that side of you just yet! Hehe.
Here are more online dating safety tips that I find useful! Some are repetitions of what I just said, but they’re more simplified responses.
Disclaimer:I, Jasmine, do not claim in any way to be a relationship guru nor do I claim to have any educational/divine background in the matter. Everything written here is based solely on personal experience and advices gained from friends, family and a whole lot of articles from magazines and the Internet.
OkCupid, Date In Asia and Match.com (to name a few) all have one thing in common; they pledge to help you to find ‘the one’ or at least, ‘the one right now’. Should they be trusted? Should you put all your hope in those websites and not go out to the real world to meet new people?
Uhm… Maybe kinda sorta to the first one and a big FAT NO to the last one.
Yes, meeting someone on the Internet is an easy and less pricey way to meet new people. I mean, think about it. All you have to do is create a profile, upload the most flattering picture of yourself and if you’re a girl, wait for messages or if you’re a guy, start finding girls to send messages to. And that’s that!
Growing up with the Internet, that was what I did (and still doing); having the Internet to play a role in getting to know new people. In fact, we all do that these days, whether it is for dating purposes, socializing or networking. It’s a pretty common way to meet people these days!
What is not common though is not knowing how to keep safe when you meet people from the Internet because again, not everyone on the Internet is good. Heck, they all have their hidden agendas. So it is IMPORTANT to yes, have fun, but at the same time, KEEP SAFE!
Here are some Do’s, Don’ts and Expectations when it comes to online dating. All are written based on my personal experience as well as my friends’. :)
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IN ONLINE DATING
DOfill up your profile and answer questions truthfully (OkCupid asks its users questions which I think is a great way to know someone!)
DOshow your funny, witty side on your profile and in your messages
DObrowse around for profiles
DOsend a message to those who you find interesting (Note the ‘a message’ and not multiple messages)
DOupload photos that ‘tells’ people who/how you are. (For example, if you’re sporty, post a photo that shows your sporty side)
DOreply messages on time, especially if you find him/her interesting.
DOdecline any requests, such as sexual favours or meet-ups, politely if you’re not into the idea.
DOtalk to them on Skype (chatting first then gradually chat using webcam AND microphone)
DOremember that if you’re not ‘feeling it’, then tell them. If you think that he/she is a creep, block them straight away. Don’t even waste your time!
DOmake sure to meet in a safe place with a lot of people around, if you decide to meet.
DObe yourself, have fun and most importantly, STAY SAFE! Follow your gut feeling!
WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO IN ONLINE DATING
DO NOT post personal information about yourself on your profile (e.g., full name, school, Facebook profile, names of places you hang out at or information on where you live etc…)
DO NOTreply to all the messages that you receive. You are not obliged to entertain all of them, especially if you find them weird and creepy.
DO NOT say ‘yes’ to whatever he/she says.
DO NOTbelieve in him/her completely. Lying about one’s self to attract another person is a common activity in the online world. Just a reminder!
DO NOT reply to messages belonging to profiles that do not have pictures, only one picture himself/herself or a random picture of a cartoon, plant, dog, poo etc…
DO NOT give out your phone number or personal email. If you must talk to each other, then create a throwaway account on Skype and talk there instead.
DO NOTexpose too much information about yourself. Keep things general.
DO NOT ignore your gut feeling. If you feel uncomfortable around the person, then do something about it.
DO NOT ignore the little signs that you see, especially when you’re meeting him for the first time. If he touches you inappropriately or talk to you about inappropriate things, try to make the meet-up as short as possible. It’s a sign for you to go away, it’s not safe.
DO NOT be too trusting of him/her.
DO NOT believe in everything you read on their profile. People tend to exaggerate. ~ Sharon
DO NOTaccept money transfers from anybody or transfer money to anybody. As real as your relationship is, getting money or sending out money to someone you barely know is just not normal. ~ Sharon (This is so true. For example, a family friend got scammed when she was told by the British guy whom she knew for 3 months that the money he was sending to her got ‘stucked’ in the local bank, so she had to fork out RM1k for it to be ‘freed’. She found out later on that there was no money in the local bank under his name and that British guy was actually a local guy whom the police managed to catch.)
WHAT TO EXPECT IN ONLINE DATING
EXPECTto meet jerks, creeps, douchebags, bitches, assholes, desperate people, obnoxious people, psychopaths, horny people, married people and an array of other people.
EXPECT to meet much older men who fancy much younger girls. (For example, I got a message from a 50 year old man who told me that although he’s old, he is still “young as hell at heart”. For a 22-year old, that’s kinda creepy.)
EXPECT rejection. It’s normal to be rejected by someone who you find interesting. Move on and get to know more people.
EXPECT your friends to raise an eyebrow at your interest in online dating. Not everyone is open to the idea of meeting people online, especially dates. Just reassure them that you’ll be fine and online dating is not as horrible as they think!
EXPECThaving people to ask you to bring them on a tour around your town/city. Some people go on these sites to find travel buddies too.
EXPECTsexual requests. The last message I got read, “Hey, let me be frank. I’m looking for sex. If you’re up for it, let me know.”
EXPECT to find really nice and interesting people. There are quite a number of people who are just as sincere and nice like you and I. So when you find them, keep them! :) Even if you’re not compatible as dates, then be friends instead.
EXPECT to find out more about yourself. Questions are always a great way to get to know someone but at the same time, questions posed to you are also a great way for you to know yourself. (“What would you do if you won a million ringgit?” “Would your views on life be different if you were an only child (or if you have siblings)?”)
If you have any addition or thoughts on any of the points, do leave a comment. We would love to read what you have to share.
Jasmine’s Guide To Online Dating (Pt. 2): Online Dating 101; Q&A will be coming up soon! Let me know if you have any questions. :)