“It’s the man’s job to provide the condom”, this guy said to me once.
While I find this extremely admirable and sexy (because he prioritizes my sexual health as well as his), I do find it problematic.
Women, just as much as men, SHOULD be responsible in preparing/buying/providing their own condoms too. I have to be honest, I carry condoms in my purse all the time because you never know when you need to use it!
As women, we need to take charge of our bodies and sexual activities by being able to have the power to say, “Hey, I have a condom, let’s use it!“. I have been in situations where the men I was with did not have a condom with them but still wanted to have sex with me. “It’s okay, I’m clean. I always get myself checked every 3 months, so you don’t have to worry about it”.
Uhm okay sure, but no.
Yes, it feels good and undeniably kind of sexy to fuck without a condom, however, you’re talking about MY body and MY pleasure here so can we have some respect and go by MY rules too?
It’s definitely empowering and sexy when you get to be the one to steer the wheel. Sure, as a society, we’ve been programmed to think that men should be the one to dominate while the women follow and although this isn’t necessarily wrong, it’s definitely important to consciously remember that it shouldn’t always have to be this way.
Whether it be dictating sexual positions, fulfilling needs or being the one to decide whether to use protection or not, both individuals should and must be able to exercise their rights in order to create a positive sexual experience for both.
A few months ago, I got out of a long term relationship. It took me another few more months before deciding that I should probably throw myself out there again.
Naturally, Tinder came into the picture. I’ve heard so much about it so I thought I’d give it a try. (Hey, why not!)
Here are 20 lessons that I’ve learned from using Tinder (in no particular order).
Be careful what you write on your profile, your friends, colleagues or boss might come across it. Unless you’re traveling and Tindering, then who cares what you write on there!
Not everyone takes Tinder seriously, so don’t get too bothered if they don’t reply you.
It’s a pretty cool ‘dating’ app to vet out unwanted messages from weirdos or people you are not attracted to.
It’s also a pretty cool app to use when to meet locals while you’re traveling. (I should use it when I travel tbh)
On that note, as a local, you get to meet travelers visiting your city (major plus to living in exotic Borneo). I love showing people around my city, plus, it’s always fun to hear their travel stories too.
There aren’t many choices on Tinder in KK unfortunately. 3 swipes and you’re done for the day!
Important Tinder lesson: Tinder, just like dating, is a game. So, don’t get too attached with anyone you meet there. You may potentially get hurt or disappointed and tbh, it’s not worth it.
Just… PLAY.IT.COOL. Yes he’s hot, but don’t fully commit yourself to someone, it may come across as being weird or trying too hard.
Protection is key (you know what I mean). Make sure you have your own too!
PAY FOR YOUR OWN MEALS. It’s 2016! Who waits for a guy to pay for your food?? It may be a date, but nothing screams sexy than a woman taking care of herself! If he does insist on paying, then cool, if not, then you know what to do!
Stop going out of your way to provide for them. You’re not their SO and you barely know them. Be nice and help out where you can, but don’t impose. They’re not your responsibility.
Learn some valuable skills while you’re at it. Flirting for example (amongst other things) is a great skill to practice with your date.
Yes, you can make friends through Tinder (eventually), but remember what Tinder is about. It’s first and foremost a hook up app and people who get on there may expect sex (spoiler alert!). Not all, but most do. So keep that in mind when your date pulls the whole “want to have some fun?”
Getting matched with someone who is way out of your league isn’t too bad, especially if just like me, you’re shit at approaching cute guys in real life social settings.
I’ve met some really cool guys on Tinder, many of which I’ve became good friends with and still keep in touch via social media.
However, don’t get offended if someone does not want to keep in touch with you, even if both of you had a great connection. They have their reasons, I guess. It’s a shitty fact, but it happens.
Getting ghosted or stood up is part of the dating/Tinder game and it sucks balls.
You’ll definitely have some interesting Tinder stories to tell your friends – or date! Talking about them definitely makes a great conversation during the date.
Always make your safety a priority. Whether you’ve known them for a day or a month, it’s still very important to put your safety a priority when you do meet them in person. You know how this goes – meet at a public place, tell people where you are at, give them emergency number etc. Safety first!
Have fun! No experience is bad experience; everyone you meet, everything you experienced, it all contribute to you learning about yourself. I for one definitely learned a lot about myself and of others through this whole Tinder journey and that’s pretty awesome. (Lol at journey)
Do you have anything to put on the list? Share your thoughts by commenting below!
Funny guy, Seth Rogen, gave a humourous yet touching speech before the U.S. Senate subcommittee about Alzheimer’s research where he fights to make sure money is appropriated to fund medical research on her behalf. Having never experienced Alzheimer’s before, I never knew how incredibly horrendous the disease was. It was not just mere misplacing keys, but as Rogen explained, extreme cases of the disease includes not knowing how to talk, go to the toilet or even walk which is currently happening with his own mother in-law.
I’m sure him and his wife are terrified of this because it’s hereditary and his wife could get it too :(
This article has been shared around Facebook a lot recently which I’m sure you have seen it too. For those of you who haven’t read it, such myself before this, you would have thought that it would be an article about a Malaysian Chinese bananawho was not ‘Chinese enough’ for their own good and is ranting about it, at least I did, but I assure you that it is not.
For one, it was not written by a Chinese. In fact, it was written by a Dusun-Bajau lady from my state of Sabah who talks about how a recent break up with her Chinese boyfriend prompted her to write a piece about how belonging to different faith or ethnicity from those you love ultimately ended a great relationship. It’s a story about social stigma, where in Malaysia, especially Peninsular Malaysia, being friends or being in a relationship with someone of a different colour, faith or ethnicity (especially with one that is a supposed ‘lower’ caste than yours) is taboo and ‘wrong’.
I personally feel sad for her, but I mostly feel sad because this is real life in Peninsular Malaysia which I hope does not spread in Sabah and Sarawak because we just can’t handle shit like this, I swear :/
This, I thought, was an extremely interesting albeit taboo topic on BDSM. Taboo or not, BDSM is something very real and I do know some friends who actually engage in it. This article is a great example on how people misrepresent and abuse a term/title/activity for their own benefit just to cover up their hideous crime, or perhaps they just do not understand what exactly some of the things they claim to be really meant.
This girl was abused by her dom, or rather, by someone who calls himself a dom and this was her account.
I talked to my friend who does BDSM and she tells me that this is not what being a dom is. Torturing others without worrying your partner’s safety and then ridicule them for being ‘weak’ is not part of the BDSM culture. Despite what you watch on porn videos, Doms and Subs are essentially people who although has fetish over things like pain and choking, there is such thing as respecting each others’ requests and safe words to prevent injuries.
Important note to take back: Be careful and always talk to someone (whether it be your family, friends or ask people online) about things you are not sure about, don’t keep things to yourself.
4) Lea Michele’s song for Cory
Some of the lyrics:
It’s been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you paralyzed me
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you lost your fight
It’s been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard the phone ring
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard your voice
CAUTION: Sensitive topics ahead. Must read with an open mind.
You know you have certain views that may not go according to mainstream views? Like how you don’t like the salted yolk in your moon cake when everyone else LOVE it, or how dinner time for you is not the usual 6pm or 7pm, but 1am. You go against the flow, or rather, norm.
And then things get serious as you grow older and learn about various issues happening in the world today, so your thoughts becomes very ‘serious’ now. You think about society and their values, that even if the majority value is a certain way, you prefer it the other way.
I have many views about many things and often times, well, most of the times, I get into debates and fights because of my strong views. I try to be rational and try to give out my reasons and back it up with strong facts about why I say some things, but I am often shunned because my views are too strong for these taboo topics.
1. Stop calling them ‘pilak’
The level of dehumanizing of illegal immigrants (some of whom have been in Sabah for more than three decades) by the many Sabahans (not all, but a handful some) is just so so bad. I understand why you’re pissed, we are all pissed. There are more illegal immigrants in Sabah than there is Sabahan people ourselves! Having lived in Sabah all my life, I have never liked these dehumanizing labels like ‘pilak’, ‘om’, and ‘pilipin’ which is often used by locals to differentiate the difference in status and ethnicity thus giving superior right to anyone to treat these immigrants like “the animals that they are” – according to one family member. By lowering them down as ‘pests’, anyone can mistreat them and used them to their full advantage. Tragic.
But really though, I do wish something is done about the matter of illegal immigrant in Sabah. Find a way (although highly impossible at this point :/) to ‘get rid’ of them. I know it’s a harsh word to use, ‘get rid’, especially since I am against dehumanizing them, but it is a serious problem I feel and as a local, I strongly feel that something must be done to address and remedy the issue instead of just sitting there doing nothing and occasionally dehumanizing them or have them bring about ‘social illness’ and other types of ‘illness’ – stereotype onto immigrants, I’m sure, but I was harassed a few times by them and SABAHANS alike, mind you! UGH!
“But they (Muslim Filipina women) often disagreed with their husbands about the number of children they would have. Norminah, who also lives in the green house, told me her husband wants to have one child each year. ‘He’s crazy! I only want four or five but he wants two dozen because he says “I am old already”…. Tausug/Suluk men, they emphasized, regard having children as a sign of their masculinity and virility, even if they do not have a good job.” (Hilsdon, p. 408)
So the next time anyone in your family/friends blame for the overly excessive ‘pilak’ kids on the street, tell them to blame the men :/ Women are more rational it seems! Of course we are, it’s our vaginas that get ripped open whenever a baby gets out of it!
2. LGBT rights
This is pretty self-explanatory why it is a taboo to support the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community. It’s wrong, it’s going against the religion. Fine, fair enough.
At a talk by Marina Mahathir a few years ago, she was asked what was her stance on LGBT. Why does she support it when her father condemns it. In a serious voice, she says. “What they did is wrong, it is wrong in my religion. I do not support what they do, but I do support their right as a human being.” I am inspired.
In an interview about the disturbance during Seksualiti Merdeka in 2011, Marina has this to say, “I have been defending the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community’s rights for over 20 years now. In fact, I defend the rights of all who have been discriminated against, the poor and everyone else. So if there is any discrimination or violence against anyone, I will continue to defend their rights. That’s it. Do you understand?”You can read about the article on this link.
Everyone has a right, just because they are ‘different’, who are you to withdraw their right?
I feel that It’s important to break the stereotype of what gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender is like. They are often linked to sex perhaps due to the negative light media has brought onto LGBT society. Looking at all my gay friends, I don’t think anyone of them have sex like every single day. Heck, one of them is 26 and he’s still a virgin and continues to search for ‘the one’. Too bad there is no such thing as wedding bells for them.
In Malaysia, we are used to seeing ‘pondan’ (transgender/transsexual) who are prostitutes. The reason this is happening is because these so-called ‘pondans’ have no place in society, nobody is willing to hire them regardless of their amazing qualification. So, the only way they can survive in the world is by prostituting themselves. Thus bares the question, who is the one being immoral here? These ‘pondans’/ ‘mak nyahs’ or society ourselves?
3. Degrading women.
Women/girls are associated to being weak and disgraceful.
“He drives like a woman! What a joke!”
“Oh, no wonder horrible driving. It’s a woman!”
“You’re such as pussy!”
“Stop crying like a girl!”
“Stop being such a girl!”
Know your place as a woman/lady
“You can’t succeed in life, it’ll be hard. You’re living in a men’s world, so you might just feel grateful that you are here thus far and stop trying to go up, you’ll just fall.”
“Stop acting like a boy, act like a lady.”
“Your brother can go out, you can’t because you’re a girl. Know your place.”
“Did you wash the dishes? Yes I know you did it yesterday, but it’s your job. You’re a lady, it’s your job. You brother is a boy, cleaning is not his job.”
“You go feed the baby, you’re the mother.”
“You don’t know how to cook? But you’re a woman! How can a woman NOT know how to cook? If a man doesn’t know how to cook, I would understand, but a WOMAN?! What a disgrace!”
“As a wife, you must always respect your husband and be dutiful to him. Tend to his every need. Do not disobey your husband.”
“If you want to go anywhere, you have to ask for your husbands permission.” “But when he goes out, he doesn’t ask for the wives permission! How is that fair?” “Oh course it’s fair, it’s his right as a man.”
This is rape culture
“A woman is raped in a club? Hah! She deserves it! When you become a whore and go to a club dressed like a whore, you deserve to be raped!”
“Ha? A woman was raped in the mall? What was she wearing? A full baju kurung? The baju kurung must be tight or see-through, that’s why she is raped, she’s asking for it! Even if her baju kurung is alright, it must be her personality! Maybe she is flirting with the man, she’s asking for it!”
“Hey, look at that chick. She’s wearing that skanky outfit, she’s definitely asking for it. Let’s go and have some fun.” *walks to lady and starts to cat call which then becomes aggressive when they are ignored*
“How is it that it’s the man’s fault for raping a girl when the girl clearly asking for it?”
“Women make so much noise about not getting enough right. They already conquer the channels on TV with their cooking shows and fashion shows and what not. They have so much choices in clothing stores and lingerie and things. All the magazines are catered to them. And everyone is making such a huge deal about women’s right and all that bullshit. On top of that, feminists are coming out to get all pissed off with us men. One touch and all the laws and feminists comes in with their machete. Seriously, what more do they want???!!! At least give us this small right to overpower them at home! We are men after all! This is OUR world, not theirs!”
So clearly you can understand why this is a problem right?
Thank you for reading and for living constructive comments.
Being in a relationship can be both a curse and a blessing. Although it is all fun and games, you tend to realize that it can be pretty frustrating at times – you don’t like some of his attitudes, he doesn’t understand you enough, cheesy gushy mushy things is not as mushy any more etc… But I’m not going to talk about the cons of being in relationship however, we’ll save that bit for another day.
Today, I will talk about the good side of being in a relationship. No, look pass through all the cuddling and kissing. There are more awesome things about being in a relationship than just cuddle, kissing and sex, mind you!
The Perks Of Being In A Relationship, As Told By Jasmine
1. You’re immune to all cute/hot/gorgeous guys
As your friend gush over that hot guy in school/work/mall/by the roadside, you look over and go, “Meh.” Best part is that you can fearlessly go up to that guy and be yourself (normal and all), where as your girlfriends will be all girly and weird around him. Possible giggles and hair twirling is expected, and you’re like, “Whoa, look at them!”
2. Farting in the open is awesome
Need I say more?
3. No more porn
Well, I wouldn’t say that you would ignore porn completely, just merely saying that you don’t need to depend on porn as much. “What porn? I have the real thing!”
4. You have someone to play with
I once put make-up on my boyfriend as he was sleeping. He didn’t mind and I was having the time of my life, literally! Half an hour later, boyfriend woke up and screamed as a proudly put the mirror in front of his face. Haha! For our one year anniversary, I took him to his first manicure session. He was terrified, though I know that deep inside he sort of enjoyed it!
5. You learn about yourself more
People rarely talk about this and even if they do, most of us wouldn’t know what ‘learning about ourselves’ mean. Pre-relationship times meant that I would happily walk away from people who piss me off, thinking that I shouldn’t waste my time over them. Unfortunately, you can’t do that with your partner. You have to talk it out, face your problems and then work together to fix it. Relationships also make you realize the importance of good communication because you don’t talk, shit would just happen when it could be avoided.
It’s still a work in progress, but we’ll get there eventually. Or never get there, we’ll see. We constantly learn about ourselves more as we have others to test us of our strengths and weaknesses.
So what about you? Any other reason why it’s awesome to be in a relationship? Please, no mushy gushy stuff allowed.
My first initiation to womanhood was not a celebratory feast or squeals of excitement or an outpouring of congratulations. In fact, I ‘became’ a woman even before I got my period. The initiation, sadly, started when I experienced my first cat calls and flirty remarks from unknown men by the street as I walk pass them. I was puzzled by their sudden interest in me and little did I realized, those cat calls was just the beginning of many more (extremely unflattering and degrading) calls.
I was 11 when a group of men cat called me. My mom was holding my hand as we cross the road.
Going into adulthood is a beautiful thing, especially when you see yourself grow up from a child to a young lady with a deep feminine voice and a beautiful body. It does however, comes with a price. Not only do men now view and treat you differently, but you too constantly get reminded of your place in society. Despite the countless magazines and ‘toys’ (e.g., make-up, clothes etc…) created to celebrate women and womanhood, it’s not hard to acknowledge the fact that our bodies are heavily judged, caged, repressed (and lust for) by society. How ironic.
As I grew older and my body developed, men and women alike seemed to have a big interest on it. For the most part, my body is a problem for people, especially my breasts. My breasts are bigger than most girls my age and I can’t really hide them even if I want to. So whenever I go to out, people would stare at me with disgust, thinking that I am a slut for ‘showing off’ my breasts. How the fuck do I hide them, they’re just THERE!
Even when I am all covered up, people would still look. Men would obviously look too and I guess that’s alright, it’s a natural instinct to look at women’s breasts. What makes me extremely uncomfortable is when their stares go beyond the admiring zone and into the pervert and objectifying women zone where they would undress me with their eyes and think of all the nasty things they would do to me. Worse part is, they’re not even subtle about it. Some of them WANT me to know that they’re thinking that way because they get major kicks from it.
What’s sick is that men who go on pervert mode and start to cat call or give inappropriate remarks about your body feel incredibly powerful and supreme doing so, especially because they know that women in general do not fight back and choose to just ignore them. This makes these men feel good about themselves and laughed with each other because of it. It makes me so frustrated knowing that these men feel great seeing women uncomfortable and whenever I complain about it to friends or family, all I get is, “Just ignore them” and I personally think ignoring them is not the right way to deal with this issue.
Why should they get kicks for making women uncomfortable? That would only make them more powerful and in turn, believe in their heads that women are weak and so, they are easily messed with whenever these men want to. It’s not fair for us.
Note to all men out there…
Staring to admire is okay, but if you do more than just admiring and stare to fantasize about all the things you want to do to our body, we would have a little problem. Know your limit of staring. We can tell if you do more than just admiring. Stop before we scream and call you a pervert.
I am fucking sick of these types of men, they disgust me to the core, so I finally decide to do something about it. I decided to stop ignoring them and start fighting back. Here is what I conclude from it.
Social Experiment Outcome: Fighting back cat calls and sexual harassment
This social experiment was for myself to see whether fighting back disrespectful men would do anything to their pride and ego. Every time I feel there are eyes staring at me, I would stare at them back. What was interesting is that, men who stare at you and you staring at them back would always result to them staring elsewhere quickly, as if trying to cover the fact that they were staring at you in the first place.
Men would get freaked out that you, as a woman, fought back and this wasn’t the first time I’ve experience sudden cowardliness.
Whenever I look at a guy staring at my breasts and they realized that I was looking at them, they instantly looked embarrassed and walk elsewhere, trying to ignore me. I have gotten to a point where when men say hi, I’d say hi back and ask him what they want to which they replied, “Nothing, sorry.”
Sexual harassment is a horrible thing to happen to anyone, male or female. It’s sad that sexual harassment towards women can happen just about anywhere, like to these women who got harassed on public transport. What’s worse is that for all these women, no one bothered to stand up and fight for them. Everyone just stared as if nothing happened, despite knowing that a harassment is happening right in front of them, failing to understand that it is not an act of affection or harassment.
One women in particular talked about how she saw a man in the bus putting out his penis while having his eyes fixed onto her. Disgusted, she gained the courage to shout, “Put that thing away!” which made everyone stared at her and the man. The man who was ashamed, put his penis back in and cursed at her as he gets off the bus.
I cannot deny the fact that it does get a bit dangerous for women to fight back, especially if the woman is alone with a group of men around, cat calling and making inappropriate remark of her body. There was this one time where I was in a restaurant waiting for my food to be packed and two men (both waiters) were looking at me weird. I looked at them back hoping that they would be embarrassed that they are caught and would turn away, but they didn’t, they kept on staring. When I went out of the restaurant, I saw one of the waiter purposely waiting for me near the door and looked at me with his eyes shining and a big grin on him, as him telling me, “You know you want me”. No, I don’t.
It’s hard to fend of those men because they are too extreme and can be potentially dangerous if left alone with them. These men do not know fear and would go to the extremes of raping someone if given the opportunity. So if you decide to fight back by staring at them and they do not stare somewhere else, that should be a good warning for you to stop fighting and walk away for your own safety. It sucks to not be able to stand up for yourself, but if it will cost your own safety, then it’s not worth it.
What do you do to fend off cat callers and street harassers? Do you usually ignore them? Do you take it as a compliment and say thank you? Or do you do something about it? If you have any tips, do tell us!